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If you had to name your go-to grape, what would it be? Pinot noir? Chardonnay? Cabernet sauvignon? Zweigelt? Rightly or wrongly, the wine you choose can speak volumes about who you are.

Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, the 18th- and 19th-century French lawyer and patron saint of foodies who loved cheese so much they named a 75-per-cent-fat variety after him, gave us that old chestnut, "Tell me what kind of food you eat and I will tell you what kind of man you are." I think if he were alive today, he'd want to know about our bar tabs.

"Riesling definitely has a level of sophistication to it," said Robert Herman, general manager and sommelier of Voya, the restaurant in the soon-to-open hotel Loden Vancouver. "It's generally a finer-engineered wine."

Experts like Mr. Herman inevitably form impressions of their clientele based on the wines they order. And the quickest way to impress him, and anyone else at your table that you might care to, is to order riesling. Eschewed by the masses, riesling tends to be a labour of love for winemakers, one reason the odds of getting a good one are high.

The thing about riesling, though, is it doesn't peg you as a rich showoff. Very few cost more than $50 (the best come from Germany and Alsace), and excellent ones can be had for less than $20. Also, because it pairs nicely with a vast array of foods, it's considered the foodie's grape.

Cabernet sauvignon, on the other hand, is riesling's opposite, the safe-harbour grape for conservatives who like to eat in steak houses. Always full-bodied and square-shouldered, it's the world's most widely planted red variety and the key component in most fancy Bordeaux brands such as Mouton and Lafite. Zealots who always order cabernet sauvignon are likely to want familiar power cuts of meat like steaks, chops and roasts; no challenging shanks, shoulders, kidneys or blood sausage for them. Adventure is what a cabernet lover calls a ride to his winterized cottage on a paved highway in a heated-seat Range Rover.

I must confess to having thought pinot noir was more sophisticated than it is. Mr. Herman set me straight. It's been the grape du jour since the movie Sideways glorified it a few years ago. Smooth pinot from California in particular is a neon billboard that says you're an eager wine dabbler hip to wine's thrilling, subtle possibilities but not yet ready to graduate to red Burgundy (made from the same grape but usually more austere). It's Dave Brubeck to red Burgundy's Ornette Coleman.

"It's a starting place for people to enjoy wine," Mr. Herman said. "It's jammier, softer, not tannic or harsh. It is very easy to drink, but people move on from there."

What pinot fans move on to, besides red Burgundy, is white Burgundy, if they're really sophisticated. At least that's what I think. A lot of people today sadly believe serious wine comes in one colour, red. They are misguided and probably also believe the interesting people at parties are the ones who talk the most.

Virtually all great white Burgundy is made from chardonnay, but it's almost always less fruity and oaky than the New World chardonnay most people are accustomed to today. It is also very versatile with food and can age better than most red wines.

If you see someone order a bottle of white Burgundy at a table, go over and say hello. They are worth getting to know.

Nothing, though, is more versatile with food, and nothing says "I'm a member of the connoisseur club" like drinking sparkling wine.

Don't let bubbly's dainty reputation fool you. Perhaps you've seen that current Bud Light ad starring the frustrated guy who goes around saying "Dude" all the time when people do things that bother him, including a guy at a bar who orders a flute of sparkling wine.

That is a cheap, unfair blow to the world's most underappreciated dinner beverage. Even in bars and restaurants, bubbles aren't just for women. If in doubt, rent Casablanca.

But if you're looking to cut a fashionable image with the wine cognoscenti, there is a host of emerging grapes that can instantly elevate your currency (they also have the advantage of being terrific values). They include: gruner veltliner from Austria; nero d'Avola and aglianico from Italy; albarino from Spain; and syrah- and mourvèdre-based reds from the Languedoc-Roussillon region of southern France.

Order any one of them with a hunk of Brillat-Savarin cheese and your bar manager may just give you a free pour of his latest, greatest riesling.

*****

GRAPEOLOGY 101

Cabernet franc

Red; full-bodied, herbal

WHO DRINKS IT

Earnest connoisseurs who

believe this tough-love grape should be more popular than

it is. Unfortunately, with some exceptions, they're wrong.

COOL CHOICETawse (Niagara, about $35)

Cabernet Sauvignon

Red; full-bodied, blackcurrant,

cedar, vanilla

WHO DRINKS IT

Meat-eating conservatives who talk loudly and think all other wines aren't as serious.

COOL CHOICE

Errazuriz Max Reserva

(Chile, about $15)

Chardonnay

White; full-bodied, round,

tropical fruit

WHO DRINKS IT

Everyone, too often.

COOL CHOICE

Landmark Overlook

(California, about $35)Gewurztraminer

White; aromatic, grapy, floral

WHO DRINKS IT

Wine sophisticates fond of Thai cuisine; if they order it with the foie gras course, the sommelier asks if he can hang out with them after dinner.

cOOl CHOICE

Zind-Humbrecht

(Alsace, $20-plus)

Gruner Veltliner

White; dry with sweet-sour

profile

WHO DRINKS IT

Asian-fusion fans and trendy

San Franciscans (who refer to it as "gru-vee").

COOL CHOICE

Rabl Spiegel (Austria, about $18)

Pinot Grigio

White; lean, neutral-tasting.

WHO DRINKS IT

Mostly women, at lunch and

as a cocktail; also favoured by progressive-voting males

enrolled in yoga.

COOL CHOICE

Elena Walch Castel Ringberg

(Italy, about $25)

Pinot Noir

Red; medium-bodied, crushed berries and earth.

WHO DRINKS IT

Wine-geek wannabes and people who've rented Sideways (in the case of California pinot); connoisseurs on expense accounts (in the case of red Burgundy).

COOL CHOICE

Calera (California, $35-plus)

Malbec

Red; full-bodied, firm and

slightly rustic

WHO DRINKS IT

Ex-merlot drinkers on a budget.

COOL CHOICE

Catena (Argentina, about $20)

Merlot

Red; full-bodied, smooth

WHO DRINKS IT

See "chardonnay."

COOL CHOICE

Sumac Ridge Black Sage

Vineyard (B.C., $20)

Shiraz

Red; full-bodied, plum and vanilla

WHO DRINKS IT

Australians, wine newbies and - if present trends continue - the entire world.

COOL CHOICE

d'Arenberg The Footbolt

(Australia, $22)

White zinfandel

Pink; light, strawberries,

semi-sweet

WHO DRINKS IT

People who like steak well done and think Married with Children

is funny.

COOL CHOICE

Beringer (California, about $10)

Beppi Crosariol