For years, high-school science teacher Pauline Harvey went to work thinking her unemployed husband spent all day job-hunting on their home computer.
He was hunting, all right - Brad Dorrance would shoot down opponents for more than 12 hours a day in a virtual world that had gradually become more real to him than his wife.
Since her husband was battling depression as well as bipolar and attention-deficit disorders at the time, she believed it was just a symptom of his illness.
"I thought this was just the behaviour of a depressed person," Ms. Harvey, 47, said from her London, Ont., home.
But in a hospital room after Mr. Dorrance, 40, tried to kill himself with a handful of sedatives, she heard the truth: Her husband was addicted to gaming and pornography, and had racked up $24,000 in debt on five credit cards she knew nothing about.
"I was really angry and felt betrayed," she said. "I was scared, but at the same time I thought you can only go up from here."
While the recent disappearance of 15-year-old Brandon Crisp has put a spotlight on teenage video-game addiction, the phenomenon of adult gaming addiction is largely ignored, experts say.
It's a growing problem as the age of the average gamer has risen to 32, said Liz Woolley, founder of Online Gamers Anonymous. And because gaming has more social acceptability than alcohol or drugs, most adult addicts don't realize they have a problem. But it can have a similarly destructive effect on family and relationships.
"People are just sort of living on these things," said Kimberly Young, director of the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery in Bradford, Pa., adding that most gamers have a family and a good job.
"Because it's so new, we haven't really said, 'Well, gee, we have a lot of stuff going on with dad.' And nobody knows how to deal with it because it's a game. It's not like he's doing drugs every day."
Indeed, that's the excuse many gamers use when confronted by worried spouses. In games such as World of Warcraft, battles take hours and the games don't end, she said.
"You can't leave the computer because then you're disappointing your teammates. It becomes a whole psychology of 'You create a character, you live through this character, this character has responsibilities and duties within the game.' "
Dr. Young compares the most extreme gamers with heroin addicts who eventually disengage from work and their relationships.
Dr. Young said it usually takes a "rock bottom experience" such as a divorce, a pink slip or traumatized children to wake up an addict.
For John Blakely, who asked that his name be changed, it was the birth of his daughter that finally moved him to seek treatment. For six years, the Bay Street banker was hooked on online gaming, while battling a sex addiction he says developed in his youth.
"If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would've actually gone [to rehab]. ... I was really fearful in terms of what kind of parent I was going to be."
The 37-year-old, who already suffered from depression and anxiety, said one addiction bled easily into the other.
"As an adult, I would use video games so I wouldn't act out sexually. If I'm at home and my wife's in the next room, I can't be surfing pornography," he said. "Video gaming was kind of an easy way because it's not like I'm piss drunk, it's not like I'm smoking up, but it's still a way for me to escape, numb out and lose track of reality."
Since video games are still viewed as a kids' activity, many adults feel a stigma surrounds their addiction. Mr. Blakely said he'd rather admit to his sex addiction than tell colleagues about his urges to play EverQuest.
