Dear Mr. Smith: I was invited to a friend's for dinner and brought along an expensive bottle of wine. He took it gratefully and put it aside. I was eager to try it - did I mention it was expensive? - but he didn't serve it all evening. Am I wrong to be a little miffed?
Yes, you are. Part of planning a perfect dinner party is to find a wine that matches the food. Your host had probably thought about this carefully. So it is perfectly normal for him to stick to his plan and serve the wine that he had selected.
When you bring a gift to a dinner, it is just that - a gift, for someone else. It's symbolic: a token of gratitude for the meal and the hospitality. Once you give it away, it's the recipient's to do what he wants with. You can't demand it be consumed on the spot.
Wine is a useful gift for a dinner party, though, because it may serve as a backup if the host's supplies run out. Even then, the host determines how much wine is going to be served - if he thinks that everybody has had enough and he wants to start winding things down, he's perfectly within his rights to leave your bottle on the rack and start suggesting coffee.
Bear in mind that it's really not necessary to bring anything to a dinner unless you are asked. Unsolicited desserts, for example, seem like a nice gesture, but in practice they force the host to find another serving platter and clean counter space - and you don't always want to mix up your gateau St. Honoré with a country cherry pie. A host is always entitled to (graciously, with many thanks) put the pie away for tomorrow.
Flowers also can give a busy cook a little stress at the moment they arrive, since finding a receptacle and cutting the stems can be time-consuming just at the moment drinks are being served. Not that I'm against bringing flowers - no one would object to the flowers themselves: I'm just saying if you bring them, you should be prepared to take charge of their arrangement the moment you arrive. Considerate guests will arrange to have them delivered on the afternoon of the party.
Russell Smith's new novel, Girl Crazy, has just been released.