A condition hard to understand: post-adoption depression

"Suddenly she's home all day with a child who really doesn't like her very much," Ms. Scarth explains.

When depression strikes, adoptive mothers are often secretive about it. They feel pressure from family and friends to rejoice in the child they brought home after years of waiting, often at huge expense.

Most are reluctant to seek help from social workers, fearing the child may be taken away - an unlikely event, according to Dr. McCreight.

Nevertheless, an estimated 11 to 18 per cent of adoptions break down for various reasons during the probationary period (usually at least six months), according to American researchers, and about 2 per cent of adoptive families cannot cope after the adoption is finalized. In both cases, the child returns to child-welfare authorities and may be readopted.

As awareness of post-adoption depression grows, some agencies are addressing the syndrome in their pre-adoption training sessions. But people who long for children tend to believe it won't happen to them, says Dr. McCreight, who has adopted 12 times.

"We think we're going to be the most wonderful parents and we're going to form a family identity with no problem - and that's not going to happen."

The expectation of "falling in love" with a child at first sight may be unrealistic, according to Dr. Foli, since most relationships take time to blossom and mature.

But the guilt of not bonding with a child immediately can be "overwhelming," says Dr. Foli, who coped with depression after she adopted her daughter from India about 10 years ago.

For Dina Rodrigues, post-adoption guilt cut deep. She sank into melancholy and began to feel "really run down" a month after she brought her 11-month-old daughter, Sierra, home from China, she says.

Ms. Rodrigues had no problem caring for her daughter's physical needs, she recalls, but she worried she wasn't connecting with her emotionally.

"It's like you have this amazing, wonderful child and you can't really enjoy them," says Ms. Rodrigues, who lives in a suburb of Detroit.

Her anxiety intensified when her husband, Ashok, bonded with Sierra easily. "I just felt there was something wrong with me," she says.

Having suffered from depression earlier in life, Ms. Rodrigues says, she recognized the signs. Five months after the adoption, she saw a therapist and started taking antidepressants "for my daughter's sake."

When a parent gets depressed, it doesn't mean the adoption has failed, says Dr. McCreight. "It just means that you should get help, get it fixed and move on as a family."

Major depression requires prescription medication, she says. As well, a post-adoption counsellor can help parents find ways to get child care and emotional support.

After Ms. Rodrigues began treatment, her daughter fell ill with a stomach virus and wanted to be held by her day and night. The event marked a turning point in their relationship, Ms. Rodrigues says.

"I was able to be emotionally there for her, and I think she saw that."

That was two years ago, she adds, and they've had a close connection ever since.

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Warning signs

Experts say post-adoption depression shares symptoms with postpartum depression:

Feeling sad, tearful, irritable

Self-imposed isolation from family, friends, spouse

Anger at the adopted child, spouse or other children for no apparent reason

Desire to leave home or have the adopted child removed

Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities

Significant changes in appetite and sex drive

Insomnia or a marked increase in sleep