From tackling abstract concepts like love (“Do people who love, lie to each other? If not, where’s the milk you claimed to be bringing five hours ago?”), to admonishing his parents (“Daddy, if you can read this, we aren't doing anything. I'm looking out the window”), to espousing bedtime wisdom (“Toddler tip: Ask for the only stuffed animal that can't be located”), there’s no topic the Honest Toddler won’t tackle. Since May, the mysteriously articulate toddler has been dispensing advice and observations about the world through his Twitter account, which has already drawn almost 30,000 followers, and through an eponymous blog (on which he recently tried to set the record straight with Santa about a phone call from his mother: “Did you get a phone call from my mom yesterday? Hahaha LOL she’s funny right? She’s also tends to exaggerate and enjoys wine nightly.”) We tracked down our new favourite pint-sized pontificator, and while his parents didn’t reveal details about exactly does the blogging, the Honest Toddler was offered up to answer some questions about the inner workings of his opinionated mind.
Why did you start tweeting and blogging?
The same reason everyone else does, to prove I exist and validate my conception.
How has the blog and your Twitter account changed your life?
It’s become a tool of fear and manipulation. I'm really happy about that.
Is there any topic you won’t touch?
There’s nothing I won't touch and/or taste.
What hang-ups do your parents have that you wish they would just get over?
Waking up early. If the sun is up (or preparing to rise within the hour) I feel like it’s a good opportunity for a rousing game of tag or inside bike riding.
What’s the hardest thing about being a toddler?
Strangers looking us in the eye without permission. Being asked to remain seated during meals. Being asked to eat during meals.
There are a number of books that started as blogs (like The Book of Awesome). Do you think a book deal is on the horizon for you?
If I get paid in gummy vitamins, sure. You can never eat just one.
What will happen when you’re no longer a toddler? Will you take a cue from Prince and be known as The boy formerly known as Honest Toddler?
I can’t really imagine not being a toddler.
So, toilet training. How'd that go?
It’s not going. I’m not interested in placing my most sensitive parts near a porcelain garbage disposal with an insatiable appetite for human waste.
Have your parents ever talked about having another child?
If they’re smart, they won’t.
Three toddler rules to live by?
Sleep very little, eat even less, break something.
This interview has been condensed and edited.