The question
At my local golf club, there are many rumours about a couple of players who win most handicapped club events. Guys gossip that these players intentionally post high scores in friendly, non-competitive rounds of golf to increase their handicap – only to play to their true capability when money or prizes are on the line.
They dominate the prize table at club events, which is not fair, but accusing them of being "sandbaggers" is a serious attack on their character (akin to labelling someone a cheater). As men's captain, I feel responsible for dealing with this situation. What should I do?
The answer
My first reaction to this question was: "Uh-oh, you got hustlers, son."
Like pool, golf has a long and colourful hustling tradition. The legendary Titanic Thompson used to beat his millionaire marks right-handed, then offer to play a rematch with his left hand so they could recoup their losses. The catch: He was ambidextrous.
Chicago gangster/grifter John "Handsome Johnny" Roselli would situate trick-shot golf prodigy Jeanne Carmen in the lounge of a golf club, reading the newspaper. Then he'd spark up a conversation with one of the members, eventually inquiring about his handicap.
"I could beat that!" Mr. Roselli would scoff. Then, pointing to Ms. Carmen, pretending she was a random stranger: "Hell, she could probably beat you."
If the pigeon said, "Wanna bet?" the con was on.
But when I spoke to a couple of golf experts, they disabused me of the notion that what you've described is on par with any kind of con or hustle.
"A hustler is someone who bogeys the first three holes, suggests you play for money, then starts playing like a young Tiger Woods," says Robert Lauzon, general manager of the Peterborough Golf and Country Club, in Peterborough, Ont.
The type of handicap-cooking you're describing is different – and, unfortunately, a lot more widespread, he says. "I've seen it happen at a lot of other clubs," he says, emphasizing the second-last word.
The size of the prize doesn't matter. People will cheat even if the prize is a golf bag or a 9-iron. It's bragging rights. It's human nature – to win whatever trophy or tchotchke is on offer – especially among the alpha types who tend to gravitate toward golf.
The bad news, according to Mr. Lauzon? If it seems to be happening, it probably is.
Some people play better under tournament conditions, he says, but most don't. Most find themselves sweaty, nervous and knock-kneed, and playing a much more dufferish and divoty game than on a Wednesday afternoon with their chums.
They also don't get "gimme'd" three-foot putts, can't quietly kick the ball out of the rough, and so forth, as they might in an informal game.
So if someone is consistently five or six strokes under his handicap in tournaments, you are probably right to suspect some kind of skulduggery, Mr. Lauzon says.
And you don't want that: It compromises the honour of the sport and undermines, as Mr. Lauzon puts it, the "camaraderie of the membership." In other words, it sucks, and everyone's going to wind up teed off at the suspected handicap-handicappers.
The good news is that there's a simple solution: a two-tiered handicap system. One for regular play, one for tournament play.
That eliminates the temptation, so the darker side of your members' natures will have no chance to flourish, and they can enjoy what Mark Twain called "a good walk spoiled" relatively free of ulterior or underhanded motives.
Boom. Solved. Next problem. Unless, of course, a two-tiered handicap system isn't feasible at your club.
In that case, well, one alternative might be to send an e-mail around to the membership reminding them of the values and philosophies associated with your club and with golf itself – sportsmanship, camaraderie and love of the game, for example.
Maybe express your hope that no members are losing sight of these ideals, which are – along with networking and the chance to butter up your boss by letting him win – the true rewards the game has to offer.
An e-mail to that effect could act like a "Fore!" to your errant members' consciences, alerting them to the fact they're straying from the fairway and into the rough, morally.
But I wouldn't confront anyone. As you say, it's a stern accusation, and impossible to prove: The truth of whether a member is playing to his true ability on any given day is a piece of information that exists only in the darkest recesses of his or her cranial cavity.
If Tiger Woods can play poorly for months on end, surely any mere mortal can credibly claim his or her consistently poor non-tournament performance is a "slump," or dumb luck or, as Mr. Lauzon says, a rare case of someone who plays better under pressure.
How are you going to gainsay that? Airing any unsubstantiated allegations would only lead to bad blood.
Console yourself with the notion that, like cheaters everywhere, the only ones they hurt in the long run are themselves. They might acquire a spiffy new bag or a shiny new driver, but they land their reputations in a sand trap in the process.
And there's no wood, iron, wedge or putter to help you when that happens.
David Eddie is an author and the co-creator of the TV series The Yard , airing this summer on HBO Canada.
I've made a huge mistake
Have you created any damage that needs controlling? Send your dilemmas to damage@globeandmail.com , and include your hometown and a daytime contact number so we can follow up with any queries.