My new girlfriend is eight years older than me and smart, funny and hot. The sex is awesome, and I'm already thinking long-term. But here's the thing: She's 48, and I worry she'll lose interest before I do.
Lucky you: smart, funny, hot - and 48. With that age comes the most sought-after quality in a lover. No, not oral genius. No, not the spontaneous hair toss. Yes, self-awareness. Your paramour understands the sublime possibilities of her body and how to engage those possibilities between the sheets.
You worry for her libido: Will her desire, like a photograph left out too long in the sun, fade before yours? Junior, desire is a complex mechanism and it involves many factors far more persuasive than one's age. To name a few: stress, exhaustion, anxiety, a difficult history, a sense one does not deserve pleasure and, most important, the state of one's relationship.
Jennifer Blake, chief of obstetrics and gynecology at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre and a professor at the University of Toronto, concurs. "The data suggest that his worries can be put to rest. Women in new relationships do not seem to be affected by the loss of desire so common amongst women at midlife."
Dr. Blake notes that vaginal dryness can be an issue after menopause, but points out that there are multiple simple remedies, including estrogen cream and water-based lubricants.
I recommend Hathor Aphrodisia, which is free of glycerin and parabens and contains two ingredients reputed to be aphrodisiacs, Horny Goat Weed and Siberian Ginseng.
But Junior, it is also useful to note women are not the only ones who go through a hormonal transition in midlife. Men can also experience changes - slowing down in desire and performance. In the meantime, and in the long term, remember that nothing compares to what you bring to the relationship. Energy and novelty do wonders - and these can be accessed at any age.
Claudia Dey is the author of How to Be a Bush Pilot: A Field Guide to Getting Luckier
Let's hear from you
If you have a sexual dilemma of your own, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
All questions are published anonymously.