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I have a beef with the way the words fashion and style tend to be used interchangeably. When I tell people I write about style, for instance, they immediately assume I write about fashion. It is true that the two can meet: Those who approach fashion as an art form, for instance, can be described as stylishly dressed. But to observe the latest fashion trends is hardly the same thing as having style.

The distinction is a bit of a puzzle. The late Coco Chanel was memorably stylish, yet simply donning her trademark get-up of a tangle of pearls over a gold-buttoned bouclé jacket won't guarantee the same for its wearer. In fact, today, if one dressed head to toe in Chanel, one would come off well-heeled, but a bit of a frump.

Fashion is all in the clothes. As a material art form, it is a reflection of the moment. Style, however, is a signature. As ephemeral as a perfume, it is an artistic expression of the self in everything that one wears, chooses to eat, touch, appoint one's home with, give, serve, observe and do (I could go on as the list is endless).

Certainly it can now be said that there are vogues or, for that matter, fashions in lifestyle. But being fashionably dressed or having a fashionably turned-out home conveys nothing of the sensibility or character of the wearer or homeowner. It is less about self-expression than being on trend. Which is why, because of the overflowing cornucopia of fashion information online, in magazines and on television, we now see armies of identically coiffed and accessorized "fashionistas," each as distinct from one another as dollies on an assembly line, and the crowd of virtually indistinguishable high-street shops to serve them.

The annoying thing about style for most of us is that, try as you might, you just can't buy it.

Even as fashion and home decor up the ante by embracing a quirky, whimsical eclecticism, where "it's all in the mix" (and retailers and magazines make it their business to decode that mix for their increasingly challenged clientele), the mere aping of it remains unconvincing. Style is what people want to have, yet they never will by following directions.

As a recent article in Psychology Today observed, style is "psychologically subversive." Consisting of "one part identity, self-awareness and self-knowledge ... you can't have style until you have articulated a self."

A point echoed in Times of London columnist Lucia van der Post's helpful new book, Things I Wish my Mother Had told Me, in which she asserts that the first step to finding your own style is "a bit of ruthless honesty."

In van der Post's opinion, style has absolutely nothing to do with beauty or the passage of time.

"If you look carefully at women who have great personal style, it goes on serving them well into late middle and old age (think of the late Diana Vreeland, Coco Chanel, Audrey Hepburn, Babe Paley, Jackie Onassis or Helen Mirren). What we see is that somehow, at some stage they evolved a personal way of dressing and of being," she wrote.

"They develop, if you like, a trademark that is all their own."

What I would argue is that, given everything that is going out there in the scary world, there is no better time for taking on such a task than right now.

If we can acknowledge that the mindless consumption we have numbly submitted to is over, isn't there a hidden opportunity in being able to take a good hard look at who we really are and what we really want, and start nurturing our own personal style?

With less work sucking our souls, maybe the moment is ripe for some creative self-reflection. The good news is that whatever else it may be, style is not merely the product of a lush credit limit. Logo bling may suggest status, but never make a style statement.

As I learned from my own mother, whose enviable élan has become only more concentrated over the years, true style is a cocktail whose intoxicating power lies more in a sort of artistic balance. More in knowing when to go big and bold and when to play it safe and stay home.

Moreover, style is essentially optimistic. As the Psychology Today piece observed, it "presumes that you are a person of interest, that the world is a place of interest, that life is worth making the effort for." All, in my view, excellent reasons why style, and not fashion, is what matters - and now perhaps more than ever.