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Mayor Rob Ford puts his head in his hand shaking it, in chambers at City Hall in Toronto on November 18, 2013 during a special council meeting to limit more of his powers. (Deborah Baic/The Globe and Mail)
Mayor Rob Ford puts his head in his hand shaking it, in chambers at City Hall in Toronto on November 18, 2013 during a special council meeting to limit more of his powers. (Deborah Baic/The Globe and Mail)

Twenty jokes about Rob Ford from Monday’s U.S. late-night talk shows Add to ...

For American late-night talk show hosts, Rob Ford remains the comedy gift that just keeps giving.

Following yet another extraordinary performance at Toronto city council yesterday – in which the Toronto mayor described his colleagues’ attempts to remove him from office as a “coup d’etat” and likened his embattled situation to the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait – Ford continues to be a source of inspiration for comedy writers.

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As in weeks past, Ford talk dominated the opening monologues of almost every late-night show on the dial. You can see a roundup of last night’s best Ford-related jokes here.

Last night, the Ford frivolity began on the syndicated The Arsenio Hall Show, which airs in the late primetime slot in most markets.

Said Hall in his opener: “Ford told the city council, ‘Yo, I can’t quit. I got a wife and a ho’ and three crack dealers to support.’ ”

Hall also claimed, “Friends close to Ford say he has two distinctly different personalities. Unfortunately for him, they’re Lamar Odom and Charlie Sheen.”

And Hall went on: “He’s been told he can’t participate in Toronto’s annual Santa Claus Parade. I got something special for y’all, I have him via satellite. Here from a storage closet somewhere in city hall in Toronto, Mayor Rob Ford!”

Cut to a disheveled and manic-looking actor wearing a sad Santa beard, who told Hall: “I’m going to that Santa Claus Parade. Look at me, I’m fat, I’m white and with my magic sack I’m always jolly!”

The Ford avatar also said: “Everyone knows when Rob Ford’s in the house, it’s going to be a white Christmas!” And: “My nose ain’t red from the cold, Arsenio. I snort drugs through my nose!”

Over on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the host referred to Ford as “God’s gift to comedy” and poked fun at the mayor’s recent comment to Fox News that he wanted to become the prime minister of Canada.

“If there was anyone qualified for the highest office in the land, it’s the highest mayor in the land,” cracked Leno.

Leno also said: “Doctors in Canada are no longer allowed to give heroin to addicts going through withdrawal. It’s just been a bad week for the mayor of Toronto, hasn’t it?”

Leno then parallelled the fact that he’s stepping away from his show next spring with the news that Rob Ford and his brother Doug were recently given their own show on Sun TV.

Leno’s take: “That’s depressing, isn’t it? ? This maniac is going to have his own TV show and I won’t. I gotta start smoking some crack. …Get me some crack!”

On Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the host made light of yesterday’s decision to strip Ford of his mayoral duties, save for representing the city at official functions.

“That’s the one I would be worried about,” Kimmel said.

The show also ran the clip from yesterday’s council meeting in which Ford appears to charge a heckler, but instead runs into Councillor Pam McConnell and almost knocks her down.

Said Kimmel: “It’s like Canada’s running of the bulls or something.”

On The Late Show with David Letterman, there was a segment titled “Rob Ford Lie,” which featured a clip of the mayor himself claiming that he’s “in a gym for two hours every day.”

Letterman also said of Ford: “You can’t embarrass anybody. He’s caught smoking crack and today he’s selling Rob Ford bobblehead dolls.”

Some of the best jokes were saved for last night’s post-midnight broadcast of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, which began with the host making light of Ford hosting a TV show with his brother.

“It raised a lot of questions,” Fallon said. “Starting with: Where do I get Canadian TV! I gotta see this! I want to tape it!”

Fallon also said of the new Ford TV show: “He said he doesn’t really know if he’s going to be a good TV host, but he’s willing to take a crack at it.”

And to keep the ball rolling, Fallon offered up some possible show titles for the new Rob Ford show, including “The Biggest User,” “This Old Crackhouse,” “Parks and Recreational Drug Use,” “Scandal, Eh,” and “The Big Bong Theory.”

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