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The Mini Donut Popsicle combines fresh mini donuts with frozen dulce caramel cream – a match made in sugar heaven!

The Calgary Stampede kicks off on July 3. But opening day isn't just the launch of 10 days of cowboy fun – it's also the start of Wacky Fair Food Season. Last year saw deep-fried donut bacon cheeseburgers and crocodile sliders. But, as the saying goes, you ain't seen nothing yet. What can visitors expect this year?

The winners

Bacon Jalapeno Cheese on a Stick: Cheesy. Bacony. Fried. Spicy.

Jurassic Pork Mac and Cheese: The family fave is topped with pulled pork and fried onions – and given a delightful name.

The gimmicks

Dragon Dog: For $100, you get a foot-long bratwurst that is infused with Louis XIII cognac, smothered in Kobe beef, cooked in truffle oil, topped with fresh lobster tail and finished with truffles, ricotta cheese and tomatoes. BYO Tums.

Cockroach Pizza: Because last year's scorpion pizza wasn't wild enough, it seems. At least the bugs are "seasoned."

Biggest Dog on a Stick: Four corn dogs on one stick. Because we can!

The ughs

Ogre Cone: This four-litre monstrosity is advertised as being able to "feed a family." Including second cousins?

Red Velvet Chicken Strips: No one has ever thought: "You know what this chicken finger needs? Bright red cake mix."

Glazed Donut Grilled Cheese: "This awesome treat combines the sweetness of the doughnut and works in harmony with the savoury melted string cheese." If you say so.

Peanut Butter Kabob: This deep-fried concoction of PB&J sandwich bits with peanut-butter cups is billed as "dinner and dessert." Kids, your mother is not falling for that.

The healthy

Giant Fruit Spears: Your choice of fruit – including watermelon, passion fruit and cantaloupe – chopped by "family fruit butchers."

Fruit From the Fruit: Fresh cold coconut, watermelon and pineapple drinks are sold in the hollowed-out fruit.

Fruit and Herb-Infused Drinks: The fruit used in drinks such as Pineapple-ade (Pineapple Lemonade), Wemowade (watermelon lemonade) and the Red Head (strawberry mojito lemonade) is chopped right in front of you. But not, it seems, by a fruit butcher, so proceed at your own risk.

PB Power Balls: These snacks are made with rolled oats, crunchy peanut butter, honey and vanilla – and should guarantee you a good five minutes of inappropriate jokes.

The maybes

Mini Donut Popsicles: A traditional favourite is mixed with frozen dulce caramel cream. Both of those things are yummy, so this could be a match made in sugar heaven.

Cactus Burger: The patty is a cactus leaf, which apparently is sweet and juicy.

Crazy Cones: This sounds more odd than anything. It's a curved, hollow corn tube filled with soft-serve ice cream. Oh, and it's gluten-free.

Lobster Corn Dog: Crispy and delicious or rich and greasy?

Jalapeno Chocolate and Lime Fudge: It was about time fudge got a facelift. Maple walnut has ruled for too long.

The poutines

Red Curry Poutine: Quebecois-Thai is the new fusion food.

Bourbon Street Peppercorn Steak Poutine: Creamy peppercorn gravy sounds delicious.

Jalapeno Poutine Mini-Donut Bowl: Was this the result of a game of Mad Libs?

The boring

Capital PBJ: It's a peanut-butter-and-jam sandwich on Texas toast. That's it, that's all.

Meatball Sub: Nothing fancy here. Just meatballs and sauce.

Churros with Ginger Sugar: What was wrong with cinnamon?

Deep-Fried Cheese Pie: Looks awfully similar to Greek tiropita.

Gators BBQ: Good ol' fashion ribs, chicken and brisket.

Chocolate-Dipped Bananas: Go crazy with M&Ms, nuts and other toppings.

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