Are you doing more than your fair share at work, but getting little thanks? Are you grossed out by your co-worker’s disgusting habits? Do you dread going into the office each day? If so, you’re likely in a toxic workplace.
In her latest book, Surviving the Toxic Workplace, U.S. author and psychotherapist Linnda Durré breaks down dozens of common toxic personalities, from The Brownnoser to The Non-PC Joke Teller, and offers solutions for treating these so-called “Staff Infections.”
Like with a dysfunctional family, she says, individuals have the power to change the dynamics of a dysfunctional workplace by altering their own approach to dealing with difficult and annoying people.
You suggest people should tackle a toxic situation themselves before reporting it to the boss or to HR. Why?
When you go to the boss too many times, you get the reputation of being a whiner and a complainer, and I really want to prevent that from happening [to people] because if you do that too much, you’re going to lose credibility and you’re going to lose influence. And when something is really, really important, they’re not going to pay any attention to you.
As you mention in the book, people often don’t want to confront bad behaviour for fear of losing their jobs, especially in this economic climate. Yet you advise them not to keep quiet and put up with it.
Let me say this. First of all, if you’re going to get fired, you’re going to get fired....
My book is to empower people to be diplomatic and assertive and to approach co-workers ... and bosses in as diplomatic a way as possible to get them to stop doing dysfunctional and inappropriate behaviour. ... But yes, people are frightened. They need the job and they have kids in college, they have mouths to feed and they have mortgage payments and rent payments, and gasoline and food and everything else.
What do you say to the person who’s afraid to confront a bad boss, though?
No action is an action, okay? And if they want to continue being a victim, and a doormat and a target of abuse, then here’s what it’s going to do them: It’s going to lower their self-esteem, it’s going to cause physical ailments ... like migraines, stomach aches, heart attacks, ulcers, back aches, constipation, you name it.
What are the most harmful toxic types?
Well, The Violent One is probably Numero Uno because, I mean, he really can kill people. These are people who have assaulted people at work, who come in with an Uzi and mow people down. You have to be very careful of people who have anger-management problems. That would probably be No. 1 in my list.
I think The Sexual Harasser is very, very dangerous; The Smiling Cobra, certainly; The Passive-Aggressive. It just goes on and on. The Dictator who doesn’t listen. There’s so many.
Some Staff Infections you identify, on the other hand, seem pretty harmless: The Delicate Flower, The Food Faddist, The Chronic Shopper. Sure, they might be annoying. But toxic?
They’re toxic to certain people. If someone is sitting there constantly saying: “You’re wearing perfume. I’m going to have an allergy attack,” or: “You’re eating meat. That’s so disgusting,” it’s like grinding, grinding, whining, whining every day of your life.
You may not be punched in the face or groped, but it’s annoying, you know what I mean? And day after day, having that next to you ...
Yes, you’re right, they’re certainly the lesser ones. But that’s why I added them because they’re annoying and it’s like Chinese water torture. It may be one teeny tiny drop of water, but when you do that constantly, driving somebody crazy, they can lose their mind.
You say it’s possible to motivate co-workers through a delicate balance of the carrot and the stick. Can you explain?
