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Goal II: Living the Dream

Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra

Written by Mike Jeffries

Starring Kuno Becker, Anna Friel, Alessandro Nivola

Classification: 14A

Rating:

David Beckham may star in Goal II: Living the Dream but calling him an actor is like calling his wife a singer. (That's not to suggest they don't look fabulous doing whatever it is they're doing – indeed, looking good is what Posh and Becks do best.)

A movie about a fictional soccer hero that co-stars many of the sport's most famous players as themselves, Goal II: Living the Dream prominently features Becks as he makes some fancy moves on the pitch and – in the scenes that will likely elicit greater scrutiny – hangs around the locker room without his jersey on. Viewers may never learn how he rates as a thespian since he rarely utters a word onscreen, but we do get excellent views of the gigantic angel tattooed on his back.

Unfortunately, members of this continent's burgeoning demographic of Beckham obsessives may be the only viewers who get anything out of watching this dull, cliché-ridden movie. There might have been more of an audience had its three-year-old predecessor, Goal!, ever been released in Canadian theatres. Instead, we get its glossy follow-up, which has plenty of marketability, thanks to the presence of such soccer stars as Beckham, Zidane and Ronaldo, but is otherwise sunk by just about everything that can go wrong with both sequels and sports movies.

The first film charted the fortunes of Santiago Munez (Kuno Becker), a promising young Mexican-American striker who catches a break when he lands a tryout for Newcastle United. As Goal II: Living the Dream begins, Santiago is firmly established as the British team's top player. Inevitably, he is courted by representatives from an even bigger club, the legendary Real Madrid. Though his fiancée Roz (Anna Friel) is wary of the effects of this change in location and lifestyle, Santiago is thrilled to share the pitch with some of the most famous men in the game. Indeed, Goal II: Living the Dream was filmed shortly before the Real Madrid squad was altered significantly by Zidane's retirement, Ronaldo's trade to A.C. Milan and Beckham's move to Los Angeles.

But as Biggie Smalls once warned, with more money comes more problems. Though the young player is fundamentally decent, the attention inevitably makes Santiago's head swell. A fellow British star who also plays for Real Madrid, Gavin Harris (Alessandro Nivola) provides a negative role model owing to his lavish and licentious habits. Before long, Santiago is staying out too late in clubs, acting like a prima donna and neglecting poor Roz. He also fires his loyal agent Glen (Stephen Dillane) for being too much of a small-timer.

Santiago is reminded of his humbler beginnings when he learns that his mother (Elizabeth Pena), who abandoned his family years before, lives in Madrid. It's no surprise that a tearful reunion is in the cards. Lacking the finesse displayed by the superstars on the field, Goal II clumsily telegraphs all of its moves far in advance. Besides having precious little dramatic tension, the film also doesn't offer many reasons to care about Santiago's crisis. Director Jaume Collet-Serra apparently assumes he can rely on the bond with viewers that was forged by the first film – not having developed that store of goodwill for Santiago, Canadian audiences may merely deem him a selfish prat.

Nor do we get much evidence of his prowess on the pitch. The games are largely rendered as flashy sports-show highlight reels that are tricked out with digital effects to suggest that the movie's non-athlete actors, Becker and Nivola, can keep up with Real Madrid's bona-fide stars. In fact, it's Beckham who dominates the requisite big match that caps off Goal II. That he isn't hobbled by injuries immediately afterward confirms that the movie belongs in the realm of fantasy.

Special to The Globe and Mail