These days it is de rigueur to breathlessly report the most inane snippets of information emanating from the TV racket. Oh yes it is.
The other day I read, somewhere, that Mary Tyler Moore will reunite with Betty White on Hot In Cleveland next year. I read it dutifully. There were many words on the topic. I stopped counting at 500 words. And then I wondered, “Who cares?”
Fact is, there is a tsunami of alleged news about the TV racket. Most of it is promotional piffle dressed up as news. And it’s everywhere. Once, not long ago, I saw a news item about Michael C. Hall, who plays Dexter Morgan on Dexter, leaving a supermarket in Los Angeles with a bag of kitty litter. As a cat-owner, I’ll admit I was mildly intrigued, but that’s just me.
But for reasons unknown to me, this sort of stuff pops up everywhere. Publications, online sites and TV shows now feel obliged to include the piffle. Well, au contraire, this Column says. (Did you notice that “de rigueur” was followed by “au contraire? This Column is getting its act together, make no mistake.) I mean, is anybody interested?
So, today a new feature: Who cares? Do you? Lets look at a sample list of alleged news items about the TV racket, and assess.
The viewer ratings for Two and a Half Men were up seven per cent on Monday. This followed a flurry of speculative stories about star Charlie Sheen drunkenly cavorting with escorts in hotels in various cities. The Hollywood Reporter announced that the ratings rise is “proving once again that viewers shrug off his tabloid-headline habits.” Ah, no. We can shrug off the idea that this news proves anything. Right?
Some of the Jersey Shore stars dressed up as other Jersey Shore stars for Halloween. You can find the photos to prove it, if you care. Do you?
Conan O'Brien has co-written the theme song for his new Conan talk show, which starts on Monday (on Comedy Network and CTV). Clearly, musicologists will listen intently and acknowledge, yes, there’s definitely a touch of characteristic Conan O’Brien song-writing in that ditty. You think?
The rocker known as Kid Rock declared that old Aerosmith bag of bones and hair Steven Tyler has destroyed his reputation by taking a gig as an American Idol judge. “I think it's the stupidest thing he's ever done in his life,” Kid Rock pronounced and blathered on about Tyler’s “sacred” reputation – “just threw it all out the window. Just stomped on it, and set it on fire.” Somebody is taking Steven Tyler way too seriously. Does Kid Rock have a new album to promote, you think? You care?
Donald Trump has signed a deal to develop more shows and continue The Apprentice for NBC. Right. NBC is in terrible trouble and needs shows. That’s not news. But in related “news,” it is reported that soon there will emerge Trump’s Fabulous World of Golf, a show on the Golf Channel. If it’s news, file it under “Things to avoid at all costs.”
Purported funny guy Rob Schneider's life is soon to become a CBS sitcom. Apparently Schneider is engaged to marry a woman from Mexico, and he will star in a sitcom about a chap who marries into a Mexican-American family. Little wonder it’s called “the TV racket.” You’d care if you clung to the belief that it isn’t a racket.
There you go. At your next social engagement you can be all, “Did you know?” about the TV racket. If you care. Do you?
BY THE WAY
Pet Pharm (CBC, 9 p.m. on Doc Zone) should be of serious interest to anyone who loves their pet. It explores the issue of psychiatric drugs for pets. Yes, this is happening. In North America the pet medication industry – going to the vet and such – generates $5-billion annually. The next step, it seems, is drugs to treat aggression, separation anxiety, obesity and what is being called “doggie Alzheimer’s.”
We get a good deal of rather obvious information about how people will project fears and anxieties onto their pets, how pets become proxy children and are treated as if they were little people with psychiatric issues. Some experts point out that most animals would be fine if they were left in the wild and not forced to accommodate middle-class people in comfortable homes. Still, the doc (directed by Patrick Reed) raises major issues – this is, after all, an untapped market for the big pharma companies, and lots of lies and exaggerations can be used to manipulate pet owners.
Check local listings.
