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It may be one of the consequences of our at-large voting system – it may also be apathy or willful ignorance in the name of self-preservation – but chances are you've never heard of most of the candidates running for mayor and council in the Vancouver civic election.

And I know, you could read all of their profiles and click on their links and friend them on Facebook, but really, who has the time?

I've done the work for you, targeting some randomly selected candidates.

This is not intended to be a comprehensive list. Think of it more as a peek at the municipal buffet, through a foggy sneeze-guard.

Candidates for mayor:

Gölök Zoltan Buday

Affiliation: Independent.

Occupation: Not listed

Issues: Opposed to "police state tactics," unwarranted searches and "political psychiatry."

Quote: "Government must be restrained like an animal."

Distinguishing characteristic: On his website, misquotes the "definition of insanity" quotation most often attributed to Benjamin Franklin. This is Mr. Buday's sixth run for mayor.

Menard Caissy

Affiliation: Re Party Vancouver

Occupation: Small business owner

Issues: Raise corporate taxes, 2 per cent gas tax is "unacceptable."

Quote: "I will and am bringing politics back to people that work for a living!"

Distinguishing characteristic: In candidate profile photograph, appears surprised.



Dubgee (Harley Jaimes Rose)

Affiliation: Independent

Occupation: Musician, youth advocate

Issues: Improve public transit with express bus routes, housing and homelessness

Quote: "We cannot let Darth Gregor go on ignoring the homeless situation."

Distinguishing characteristic: Self-confessed Star Wars geek.

Robin Lawrance

Affiliation: Independent

Occupation: Not listed

Issues: Unsuccessful run for mayor in Ottawa in 2010, still unhappy about it.

Quote: "I Mr Robin Lawrance will win this Election and be Come your new MAYOR."

Distinguishing characteristic: Appears to have slept through official photograph; when read aloud, his candidate profile sounds like it was written by Dobby the house elf.

Gerry McGuire

Affiliation: Vancouver Citizen's Voice

Occupation: Not Listed

Issues: Surtax on unoccupied residences, partial ward system, sustainable development, responsible civic spending.

Quote: "When it's time to vote, Rock the boat."

Distinguishing characteristic: Cool name.

Victor B. Paquette

Affiliation: Independent

Occupation: Retired teacher

Issues: Introduction of ward system of government, police oversight, pay parking in parks.

Quote: "Lack of leadership, self-serving agendas of associations and the arrogant attitudes toward Vancouver citizens require another system of governance."

Distinguishing characteristic: Appears to have a jump on "Movember."

Darrell "Saxmaniac" Zimmerman

Affiliation: Independent

Occupation: Not listed

Issues: Excessive council spending, free transit.

Quote: "I'm guaranteeing no riots in the streets. I'll be elected mayor the week before the Grey Cup, I'm guaranteeing no riot or I'll resign my job as mayor."

Distinguishing characteristic: Often brandishes plush-toy lobster as well as actual saxophone; nomination papers signed by Brian "Godzilla" Salmi.

Candidates for council:

Joe Carangi

Affiliation: Non-Partisan Association

Occupation: Lawyer

Issues: Government transparency, integrity, "gimmicky green initiatives."

Quote: "Our city needs real solutions to real problems."

Distinguishing characteristic: Aversion to neckties.



Cord "Ted" Copeland

Affiliation: None

Occupation: Not listed

Issues: Ideological/partisan politics, lack of meaningful public consultation, civic accountability.

Quote: "I may not be able to change anything, but I may be able to change everything."

Distinguishing characteristic: Inability to disengage "Caps Lock" key on home computer.

Amy "Evil Genius" Fox

Affiliation: None

Occupation: Finance Director, Supervillain

Issues: Housing, real estate speculation, automobiles, street names, bait bikes.

Quote: "Let's smash one third of the streets and upon their ruins build houses and parks!"

Distinguishing characteristic: Wears mask.

Ian Gregson

Affiliation: De-Growth Vancouver

Occupation: Activist, musician, writer

Issue: Sustainability through "de-growth," cycling infrastructure, community gardens

Quote: "De-growth is not the total rejection of consumerism, but the adaptation of consumerism to de-grow economies in order that they be indefinitely sustainable."

Distinguishing characteristic: Does not own car, nauseatingly fit.

Jason Lamarche

Affiliation: Non-Partisan Association

Occupation: Small business banker

Issues: Dogs, community planning, fair taxation.

Quote: " If you elect me to Vancouver City Council I'm going to work very hard on your behalf and I'm going to really put myself out there in a way few politicians do."

Distinguishing characteristic: Ladies' man.

Tim Louis

Affiliation: COPE

Occupation: Lawyer, two term cty councillor and Park Board commissioner

Issues: Transit, housing, poverty, social justice, sustainability.

Quote: "Local government is in a lot of ways the most important level of government. It's what impacts us every day. Everything is local and we need strong voices on council that get that."

Distinguishing characteristic: Che Guevara wood-cutting on the back of his wheelchair, occasionally seen sporting Che Guevara T-shirt.



WENDYTHIRTEEN

Affiliation: Independent

Occupation: Live music promoter

Issues: Extending Skytrain hours to prevent drunk driving, staggering pub hours, housing and homelessness, safety for sex-trade workers.

Quote: "Do I really think I can change this city for the better? Hell yeah!"

Distinguishing characteristic: Not sure where to start…

Vote wisely.



Stephen Quinn is the host of On the Coast on CBC Radio One, 690 AM and 88.1 FM in Vancouver.

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