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Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson sits for a photograph outside City Hall in Vancouver, B.C., on Tuesday January 21, 2014. (DARRYL DYCK For The Globe and Mail)
Vancouver Mayor Gregor Robertson sits for a photograph outside City Hall in Vancouver, B.C., on Tuesday January 21, 2014. (DARRYL DYCK For The Globe and Mail)

Survey says: 80 points for being livid Add to ...

The NPA has yet to announce who it will run for mayor against Vision Vancouver’s Gregor Robertson in the upcoming civic election. Word is, several potential candidates are undergoing the NPA’s rigorous and detailed vetting process. The first step is a questionnaire that scores each potential candidate on their suitability to represent the NPA’s core values, as well as determine the electability of each candidate. What follows is a leaked copy of the questionnaire, including the (until now) secret scoring key.

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Thank you for taking the time to fill out our NPA Mayoral Election Suitability Survey (NPA-MESS.) Please be assured that this questionnaire is strictly confidential, unless you “go rogue” and we need to discredit you in the future. Please understand that in undertaking to complete this survey, you are expected to answer the following questions truthfully, although we can’t really be responsible for what we don’t know.

1) I am:

a) A white male, 20 points

b) Carole Taylor, 100 points

c) Something else, 10 points

2) My age is:

a) 55-64, 20 points

b) 65-74, 30 points

c) 75+, 10 points

3) My ancestry is:

a) Scottish, 50 points

b) Irish, 50 points

c) English, 50 points

4) I would describe myself as:

a) Moderately angry, 10 points

b) Angry most of the time, 20 points

c) Livid, 80 points

5) My annual household income is:

a) $300,000-$500,000, 10 points

b) $500,000-$1-million, 30 points

c) I’ve stopped counting, 90 points

6) I own a bicycle because:

a) I won it at a black-tie charity event, 40 points

b) I cycle recreationally for my health, 20 points

c) I commute to work on the separated bike lanes, 0 points

7) I buy groceries at:

a) Whole Foods, 20 points

b) Stongs 30, points

c) The local farmers market, 0 points

8) My interaction with police over the past seven years has been limited to:

a) A minor moving violation, 30 points

b) An RCMP raid on my corporate headquarters, 10 points

c) Calling 911 to report an off-leash dog, 80 points

9) I believe the most important issues facing the city are:

a) Traffic and transportation, 10 points

b) Crime and public safety, 30 points

c) Development and maintaining property values, 70 points

10) My last interaction on social media was:

a) Tweeting about “a great meeting,” 40 points

b) Instagramming my salad, 20 points

c) Exacting revenge on my enemies using Facebook, 10 points

11) My father was a founding partner at:

a) Borden Ladner Gervais LLP, 60 points

b) Fasken Martineau DuMoulin LLP, 70 points

c) Farris, Vaughan Wills & Murphy LLP, 40 points

12) I know Ayn Rand is in my head when she says:

a) My happiness is not the means to any end. It is the end. 10 points

b) The smallest minority on earth is the individual. 20 points

c) If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing. 90 points

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our survey. We appreciate your interest in running for mayor and will contact you if we have any further questions.

In the meantime, please list your assets on the 300 blank pages attached.

Stephen Quinn is the host of On the Coast on CBC Radio One, 690 AM and 88.1 FM in Vancouver.

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