Chris Reid, the recently dumped Conservative candidate in Toronto Centre, believes socialism has turned us into a nation of effeminates. How else, the long-time Tory activist argues, can we explain how a deranged killer managed to decapitate someone on a Greyhound bus? It turns out that it's not the killer's fault. It is the fault of the limp-wristed schmucks who were trying to catch some shut-eye between Portage la Prairie and Brandon, Man.
The solution, Mr. Reid says, is simply to arm the population – or, at least, the women and homosexuals – with concealed handguns.
Personally, I'm hoping that in the future this bright young man takes a run for the Conservative leadership. It would make for an interesting campaign – homosexuals of Canada, lay down your Botox needles and pick up a Colt .45.
Are we a nation of effeminates as Mr. Reid suggests? I'm not sure. I do know that, if I'm ever on a bus when the stabbing starts, call me whatever you want because I'll be the one screaming like a girl and heading for the exit.
And then there is Ryan Warawa. The Conservative candidate in Vancouver East thinks that Defence Minister Peter McKay is a pipsqueak and not fit for public office.
Mr. Warawa is a new type of Tory who calls male politicians he doesn't like “bitch” and “whore,” believes that heroin should be legalized and that prostitutes should work in legal brothels so we can tax their activities.
Among Conservatives, there is a lot of grassroots support for Chris Reid's brand of conservatism. He wants to close the CBC and scrap the Indian Act and seems to have deep-seated rage issues – but Team Harper dumped him anyway. Word is that Stephen Harper draws the line at homosexuals with guns; and really, considering his record on that file, I can't say I blame him.
As for the pro-drug, pro-prostitution Mr. Warawa, a spokesperson for the Prime Minister's Office now says that, as of three days ago, he has changed his views and no longer believes anything he ever said on any issue whatsoever.
Rumour is that he has been run through a Conservative re-education camp. A few pistol whips from a flak-jacket-clad Peter McKay (“Who's the bitch now, Warawa?”) topped off with a chemical lobotomy, and the boy is as good as new, a virtual Bev Oda – happy to be seen and not heard from ever again. He will make one hell of a cabinet minister some day.
By the sounds of it, when it comes to dealing with party dissidents, the Chinese government could learn a thing or two from our sweater-wearing Prime Minister.
Of course, as voters, we know how Mr. Reid and Mr. Warawa really feel only because they both once had online blogs. The irony is, that as with most blogs, nobody really read theirs at the time – ordinary Canadians don't spend a lot of time reading blogs because ordinary Canadians know that blogs are basically the domain of idiots, mad people and news anchors.
This is, by and large, true. I should know – I've had one for years. And like most bloggers, I have a love-hate relationship with my online diary. At first, it was a heady experience. I would go online and, in seconds, whatever thought was running through my head was available for the entire world to read.
Like most bloggers (and perhaps my audience of family and friends), I quickly grew tired of my own thoughts and, instead of updating my blog five times a day, I started aiming for once a week, and then once a month. Somehow the world survived.
