Go to the Globe and Mail homepage

Jump to main navigationJump to main content

Entry archive:

Prime Minister Stephen Harper responds to reporters questions at a news conference on Parliament Hill in Ottawa Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006. (TOM HANSON/Tom Hanson/The Canadian Press)
Prime Minister Stephen Harper responds to reporters questions at a news conference on Parliament Hill in Ottawa Thursday, Dec. 14, 2006. (TOM HANSON/Tom Hanson/The Canadian Press)

'Harper's Christmas wish list,' courtesy of WikiLeaks Add to ...

Among the hundreds of State Department cables dumped by WikiLeaks Thursday is a whimsical 2008 message titled "Stephen Harper's Christmas Wish List."

Envoys' prose is often straightjacketed by diplomatic convention, but not this creative take on a letter to Santa Claus - penned two days before Christmas by Terry Breese, deputy chief of mission at the U.S. embassy in Ottawa.

More related to this story

It suggested that Stephen Harper was hoping Barack Obama's first call as President would be to Ottawa and that the Tories' 2009 budget would pass.

Mr. Breese merrily speculated that Mr. Harper wished that "the Liberal Party national convention delegates in May 2009 unanimously pick discredited ex-leader Stephane Dion as the party's new permanent 'Leader-for-Life." and that "Quebec voters come to their senses, abandon the Bloc Quebecois, and vote en masse for the Conservatives in the next election, creating a stable Conservative majority in the House of Commons."

Another item on the fictitious wish list: "Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams recants his Venezuelan/Che Guevara economic theories and gives free rights to Newfie water to AbitibiBowater in perpetuity, leading [Council of Canadians leader]Maude Barlow to emigrate to Zimbabwe."

The full text of the cable:

UNCLAS OTTAWA 001585

SENSITIVE

SIPDIS

E.O. 12958: N/A

TAGS: PGOV ECON CA

SUBJECT: STEPHEN HARPER'S CHRISTMAS WISHLIST

¶1. (SBU) As Santa Claus prepares to leave his North Pole

(Canada) base to deliver presents around the world (with

NORAD dutifully tracking his progress), Prime Minister

Stephen Harper may be offering up his own wistful wish list

for Christmas 2008, perhaps as follows:

-- President Obama's first phone call after the inauguration

is to PM Harper, with an invitation to visit the White House

ASAP to learn from Harper's insights and experience;

-- the North American recession turns out to have been a

"Dallas"-like dream sequence, and we all wake up to healthy,

expanding economies with solvent banks (based on the Canadian

regulatory model) and full employment;

-- the 2009 Canadian budget passes the House of Commons

unanimously;

-- Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams recants his

Venezuelan/Che Guevara economic theories and gives free

rights to Newfie water to AbitibiBowater in perpetuity,

leading Maude Barlow to emigrate to Zimbabwe;

-- Quebec voters come to their senses, abandon the Bloc

Quebecois, and vote en masse for the Conservatives in the

next election, creating a stable Conservative majority in the

House of Commons;

-- the three opposition parties in Parliament drop all

objections to an elected Senate, which all provinces then

rush to endorse as well;

-- the Liberal Party national convention delegates in May

2009 unanimously pick discredited ex-leader Stephane Dion as

the party's new permanent "Leader-for-Life;"

-- scientists discover that Canada's oil sands have a

positive effect on climate change and can be efficiently

extracted even at a world oil price of $10 per barrel;

-- Russia abandons all claims to the Arctic and donates its

nuclear submarine that remains wedged between two ice floes

to the Canadian Navy, thereby doubling Canada's blue-water

capabilities;

-- millions of newly rich Chinese consumers develop a sudden

craze for Canadian-made SUVs and trucks;

-- after successfully democratic Afghan elections in 2009,

the Taliban and al-Qaeda give up and "go home," peace and

stability emerge throughout Afghanistan, and the Canadian

Forces and other ISAF troops depart in victory;

-- Jon Stewart and "The Daily Show" stop making fun of

Canada and Canadian politics.

¶2. (U) Best wishes for happy holidays and a joyous 2009 --

and may your own wishlists have better chances of success!

BREESE

Follow us on Twitter: @curryb, @colinfreeze

 

In the know

Most popular video »

Highlights

More from The Globe and Mail

Most Popular Stories