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Tourists take a self-portrait in front of the Parliament buildings after they were lit up for Christmas on Dec. 1, 2011. (Adrian Wyld/Adrian Wyld/The Canadian Press)
Tourists take a self-portrait in front of the Parliament buildings after they were lit up for Christmas on Dec. 1, 2011. (Adrian Wyld/Adrian Wyld/The Canadian Press)

Aspiring Poet

House rises for holidays with lament for 'humbuggish Tories' Add to ...

The Globe and Mail’s editorial writers opined Thursday about the fact a new Parliamentary Poet Laureate has not yet been named. Here’s a candidate: Cape Breton Liberal MP Rodger Cuzner.

Mr. Cuzner, his party’s labour critic, delivered his annual Night Before Christmas member’s statement Thursday before the Houses rose for a six-week holiday break.

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His poem rhymes, it is chock full of partisan accusations and innuendo and, as per the rules, he was able to deliver it in the allotted 60 seconds for a member’s statement.

Here is an abridged version:

“’Twas the week before Christmas and all over the Hill, the humbuggish Tories were imposing their will,” he recited. “The stockings in Muskoka were stuffed to the brim but life for first nations remained woefully grim.

“And at the North Pole, Santa’s problems abound. There was much work to do but no workers around. How can we do Christmas with no reindeer or elves? The sleigh is a wreck, there’s no toys on the shelves.”

Mr. Cuzner continued: “Now unemployed elves populate the North Pole. Federal money for deer feed and vets has just been re-profiled for big jails and jets. Heartbroken children would spring from their beds for the first Christmas ever shut down by the feds.

“No presents for Christmas, Tories felt the frustration. So they saddled the elves with back-to-work legislation. No reindeer or sleigh to fly our roof-topper? No problem; just send in a Cormorant chopper.”

Mr. Cuzner went on to wish everyone a great holiday season.

As the Globe points out Britain and the United States have both had a poet laureate for years. Canada, however, is suffering from neglect.

Would Mr. Cuzner be willing to do double duty as MP and poet laureate?

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