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Oh, the times we had.

She locked me in the bathroom. She cornered me in the cloakroom. She choked me. She told me she was going to kill me. She invited me to a sleepover at her house - then told our class I'd "put the moves on her."

I wanted to kill myself every day of Grade 6.

So imagine my shock when, more than 20 years later, I logged on to Facebook last week and was notified that my former nemesis had requested that we be "friends."

Reconnecting us with ex-lovers, ex-neighbours and that guy we met at the movies 10 years ago, most people's Facebook networks have become a mix of people you know, people you hardly remember and people you barely knew in the first place.

Massive friend lists are the new social economy, and many of us are increasingly fielding friendship requests from ever more tenuous connections.

But some Facebook users are getting a blast from the past they remember all too well - and would rather forget: their childhood tormentor.

Genevieve's Poirer, a London, England, lawyer who grew up in Mississauga, couldn't believe her grade-school bully had the nerve to try to get back in touch with her.

"This is the chick who told me every day that I was a loser. She made fun of my clothes. She made fun of my hair. She spread nasty rumours about me and a boy in our class."

Convinced her former bully was indiscriminately trying to beef up the number of friends in her Facebook network by adding anyone she could think of, Ms. Poirier declined her bully's request.

She says it wasn't a tough decision.

"This person means nothing to me. I didn't feel sanctimonious and I didn't take any pleasure in refusing her request. I honestly don't care."

Others are more forgiving.

Carrie Mudd, a television executive in Toronto, shudders when she recalls her former antagonist.

"I remember once our whole class was standing at the top of a hill in the winter," Ms. Mudd says. "She started screaming at me, and the next thing I knew, everyone started throwing snowballs at my face. They had ice in them.

"She was like a cult leader - no one wanted to talk back to her or get on her bad side."

Yet, when her bully recently asked her to be Facebook friends, Ms. Mudd accepted.

Though her former tormentor didn't say so, Ms. Mudd thinks she may have wanted to relieve her guilt.

"I think secretly people are looking to emotionally whitewash their past," she says.

And just clicking "confirm" can feel like an absolution that you have the power to give.

Tyrone Newhook, a Toronto producer, not only accepted his class bully's friendship request - he says he would even have a drink with the guy.

Although he's sure they have nothing in common, Mr. Newhook says he's not the type to hold a grudge.

"Facebook friends aren't real friends anyway - just people you know," he says.

But warming up to your bully might not be the best idea, says Richard Rosenberg, a computer science professor at the University of British Columbia.

"People on Facebook seem to get some sort of pleasure in having this extended network of connections ... [but] you have to take into account the fact that you really don't know this person at all - and it was not a pleasant relationship when you did."

While he doesn't dismiss the notion that some bullies may be reaching out for forgiveness, he thinks that not responding should be the general rule of thumb.

"These connections can draw out a lot of feelings that are still close to the surface. It can be very destructive - all of a sudden you're 10 years old again."

Still, I checked out my former bully's profile: She still lives in our hometown. She went to hairdressing school there. She'd put on some weight. Her spelling was atrocious.

All I had to do was write a patronizing note wishing her all the best. Or I could give her the Facebook finger by declining her request.

But I couldn't help myself: Instead, I reminded her that we weren't exactly BFF's.

I mentioned the choking, the fear-mongering and the spreading of rumours. Then I signed off by telling her that she may be a great person these days - but I never had the pleasure of knowing that person, did I?

She sent me back a message within the hour. It was riddled with homophobic slurs (and spelling errors).

She said I look like a man. She called me a lezzie. She said that it wasn't her who made my life miserable back then, it was my shame.

That's when I called her fat.

Then I blocked her profile so she wouldn't be able to contact me again.

Within minutes, I received a message from a complete stranger, with the subject line "From (Your Bully)."

She wasn't finished: My husband was the "gay, wimpy type." She's 10 times better looking than me. I should go shove my life up my ass. I'm "a lonely soul" and she knows it and so do I.

She signed off by saying she felt sorry for me.

I bit. I insulted her looks, her intelligence and her education.

I burned every last shred of superiority to the ground, and it felt great for about five minutes. And then it felt like a waste of time. And then I felt like an idiot.

She got back to me. She said more of the same. This time I didn't reply.

I haven't heard anything since.