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It may be easier to approach that cute single from behind the safety of your computer screen than in a crowded bar, but the worlds of online and offline dating aren't so different. The rate of rejection is still high: Only one in three of the first messages sent by members of dating site OKCupid.com ever get a response (sorry guys, the rate is only 27 per cent for you).

According to dating experts, this is because people don't realize that the same rules of engagement apply on the Internet. The team at OKCupid recently pored over 500,000 first messages sent by the site's members and tracked response rates. If you're striking out, it may be because you're committing one of these sins.

You're gushing about looks

Flattering someone you're interested in is a good way to go in that first message, but make sure it's with the right compliments.

Messages sent on OKCupid with the words “sexy,” “beautiful” and “hot” had much lower response rates than those that were more personality-based, such as “awesome,” “fascinating” and “cool.”

“When you meet someone in a bar, all you have to go with has to do with physical appearance. Because of profiles, the expectation is that you should have something more than just, ‘You're pretty,'” said Sam Yagan, co-founder of OKCupid.

U luv netspeak

Twitter, Facebook and IMs have helped push netspeak into the mainstream, but you should clean up your act for that first message on an online dating site. Ditch the slang for proper language – and make sure you proofread.

“A typo means they're not paying attention to detail. It's a metaphor for what they're like in a relationship,” said dating coach Rachel Greenwald and author of Why He Didn't Call You Back.

Rachel O'Neill, a 32-year-old gardener and OKCupid member from Victoria, agrees that poor grammar and spelling are a major turnoff.

“It's not that much more work, really, to say ‘oh my God' than ‘omg.'”

You're moving too fast

Asking someone you think is a great match for their IM screen name or e-mail address in your first message can be tempting – but take it slow. First messages sent through OKCupid that contained the words “chat,” “e-mail,” “yahoo” and “msn” had a response rate of only 10 or 11 per cent.

“Imagine a man approaches a woman in a bar – the art is when do you ask for the phone number,” Mr. Yagan said.

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You're not putting your best face forward

The picture you choose may occupy a small piece of real estate on your profile page, but women especially should be careful about what image they pick.

“[Men] scrutinize every element of the photo,” Ms. Greenwald said.

Lilith Darling, a 40-year-old promotions manager in Halifax, has proof: While few men comment on the text on her Plenty of Fish page, she gets countless messages asking her if she's a porn star – likely because she posted a picture of herself with porn king Ron Jeremy.

Audrey, a 30-year-old community development worker in Victoria, said photos of men in natural settings – such as restaurants or outdoors among friends – are what win her over on dating sites. She's messaged guys in the past to tell them to delete their webcam shots – the worst type of profile picture, she says.

“They look like they're just slouching over after a five-hour World of Warcraft raid.”

Your opening is bland

You may not put too much thought into your opening line, but those few words could be the key to a conversation – or rejection.

Mr. Yagan theorizes that users who open with generic salutations such as “hello” have much lower response rates than those who say “how's it going?” for a simple reason: The latter salutation is a question.

“There's something in there engaging the other person,” he said.

You're talking too much

While short messages of “hi” or “ur hot” that do little to stimulate conversation are a no-no, what's even worse are mini-essays. The OKCupid team crunched numbers to find that the optimum length of a message is 200 characters: just a bit longer than a tweet.

While you may want to tell someone in 850 words about how you also enjoyed scuba diving while on vacation in Borneo, Kate Bilenki, an operations manager at PlentyofFish.com, says that's “too much detail way too soon.”