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(Fred Lum/The Globe and Mail)
(Fred Lum/The Globe and Mail)

mark schatzker

The TSX and LSE merger means a new breed of banker Add to ...



If the proposed merger between the Toronto and London Stock Exchanges goes ahead, it will give rise to a new class of uber-banker, a hybrid of Canadian and British securities trading sensibilities representing the best of both cultures. Here's what he'll look like:



Tear-away tweed suit

Perfect for attending the Earl of Grantham's croquet tournament on Friday, then taking an overnight private Gulfstream and parachuting into a beer-fuelled euchre tournament on a Muskoka dock the next morning.

Oversized wallet

Large enough to contain thick wads of both Canadian dollars and British pounds with a pronounced bulge guaranteed to attract potential trophy wives in Canary Wharf and on Bay Street.

International Strip-Joint Access Card

Gains immediate access to private lounges at For Your Eyes Only (Toronto), and Stringfellows (London) so important clients can be united with Eastern European refugees without having to wait in line.

TSX-LSE edition Hunter Douglas muskox-hide-lined "wellies": They look smashing at a Cotswolds pheasant shoot but can handle tromping through heavy Bay Street slush.

Multiple Residence Access Key

A single key unlocks the Forest Hill Mansion, Notting Hill semi, Lake Rosseau cottage, boathouse and bunkie, and chalet in St. Moritz, so there's no more embarrassing fumbling for the right one.

External second liver

So the jet-setting banker can handle a drinking regimen that now includes bottles of overpriced, under-aged claret at London power lunches and credit card throwdowns at Ki when the markets close.

BlackBerry Pond Crosser

Using GPS technology, this smartphone dispenses location-specific instructions that include: at what point in a conversation it is appropriate to reveal the size of one's bonus; how much to spend on art you don't understand; and handy reminders to get obnoxiously drunk, rude and violent at an Arsenal football matches, but to stay church-mouse quiet in the platinums at the ACC.

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