This is a rough translation from the comedy show Ellinofreneia, a satirical radio program broadcast on Real FM, 97.8, Athens, on Nov. 3, 2011, archived at www. Ellinofreneia.net.
1st call
- Good morning to you
- Hello
- This is the Ministry of Citizen Protection? I'm calling from Hercules Air Transfer, a helicopter company. My name is Jason Sekeris.
- Yes, I'm listening.
- I have permission to land on the corner of Herodou Attikou Street and Vassilisis Sofias Street, and I'm asking for the area to be evacuated. I have fuel for five hours.
- You want us to evacuate the area? Let me see what I can do.
(She asks him to repeat himself several times)
- Okay, I will inform the right people.
- This has to be done immediately.
(phone call ends)
2nd call
- My name is Jason Sekeris, did I speak with you before?
(He repeats the introduction, and his request... "What happened?")
- Nothing yet. My colleague is working on it.
- It's urgent. I only have fuel for five hours. We also want you light a flare so we can see the wind direction. This must be done immediately, I have orders from the presidential headquarters.
- Okay sir, please be patient, it's not such an easy thing.
- Yes but it's very urgent. You must evacuate the place. It's full of cars right now.
- Why do you have to land at that exact spot?
- Because the presidential headquarters does not have a helipad. Do you want me to land at the Panathinaiko Stadium? The pilot needs to know.
- Who is the helicopter transporting?
- He's not transporting anybody. He's scheduled to pick up somebody. I have orders from the presidential headquarters and this must not leak to the TV stations. You must evacuate the intersection or tell me where else I can land. The pilot is hovering over the parliament buildings, and he must land.
- This is not our responsibility, to evacuate this place.
- I can give you the special code for it: P-A-S-O-K (spelling it out, "Papa, Alpha...") These are the PASOK initials in the aviator's alphabet. The tail number is Sierra X-ray. It's red with blue markings. I have two people onboard and need to pick up three more.
- This is not our responsibility.
- Then speak with somebody in charge. It's urgent.
- I'm supposed to find the man in charge for this?
- There is limited fuel on board.
- So let it crash.
- But if it crashes, it will crash on the parliament buildings.
- Let it crash on them. What good have they been to us, all this time?
- That's a good attitude (ironically)
- What can I say?
- Do you realize what this will mean for the country, if it crashes on the parliament building?
- It's not a big deal, it will be just be a loss of three hundred jerks.
(recording ends)
