There must have been a point when the Trump campaign saw the ominous rocks in the seas ahead, decided it needed a new navigator, and finding that the captain of the Costa Concordia was languishing in jail, decided on the next best thing.
Otherwise it's difficult to understand why a campaign seriously failing with female voters would bring in as its new chief Stephen Bannon, a hard-right ideologue whose Breitbart website once declared that "birth control makes women unattractive and crazy," and would rely on the advice of Roger Ailes, who is running only slightly behind Bill Cosby in the race to attract the greatest number of sexual-harassment accusers.
Mr. Ailes, the architect of Fox News and his own downfall, was revealed to be a debate-preparation adviser to Mr. Trump this week by The New York Times, although the campaign hastily pointed out he was just a friendly voice, not a paid adviser. Who needs a salaried position? Mr. Ailes's exit package from Fox, in the wake of an internal investigation into numerous sex-harassment claims that began with former anchor Gretchen Carlson's lawsuit, is said to be around $40-million (U.S.).
That kind of walking-around money would leave plenty of time for long lunches to strategize over why, exactly, women's support for Mr. Trump is abysmal, and why women have failed to respond to a race-baiting, sexist campaign that is utterly free of policy ideas that might improve their lives. I like to imagine the brainstorming sessions involving these modern-day Susan B. Anthonys:
Bannon: Let's try to think of things women like. Kittens? Raindrops on roses?
Ailes: Sleeping their way to the top?
Trump: I am the hugest fan of women. Literally the hugest. I keep several in my house for decoration. I can tell you they enjoy penthouse apartments. Also bikinis. And a healthy glow. We could cut the tax on spray tan.
The mad merry-go-round of the Republican campaign continues to spin. In the same week that saw chairman Paul Manafort step down, Mr. Trump elevated pollster Kellyanne Conway, whose political research company contains a division called WomanTrend, to campaign manager. The Washington Post describes her role as "fixing Trump's image with women," which must surely rank at the top of the global worst jobs index.
At this point, you could put a wig on a turnip and it would poll better with women than Mr. Trump. A national poll in August had him trailing Hillary Clinton among female voters, 34 per cent to her 47 per cent. George W. Bush was the winning presidential candidate with the lowest support among women in the past 30 years, and even he drew 43 per cent of the female vote.
These are not the winning numbers for Mr. Trump. "We have not had a president win with less than 40 per cent of the women's vote in 30 years," Kelly Dittmar, assistant professor of political science at Rutgers University and researcher with the Center for American Women and Politics, said in an interview. "There are more women in the population, there are more women registered, and they're the most reliable voters." Prof. Dittmar points out that 10 million more women than men voted in the 2012 election, giving Barack Obama an important edge. "You don't want to do poorly with the group that hast the most potential to sway the election."
For female voters in the United States, economic security is the top electoral issue, as it is for men, and yet Mr. Trump has failed to provide tangible policies beyond vague tributes to the nobility of factory workers and coal miners. There are other issues that traditionally appeal to women, around social-safety nets, education and family, and here Mr. Trump's policy offerings are as substantial as the centre of a doughnut. In fairness, as Prof. Dittmar said, "he did talk about child care for one minute last week."
Even those watching the campaign through fingers clapped across their eyes will understand why the Trump campaign is losing it with the ladies. Quite apart from his own endless pile-up of sexist comments, he's now taking advice from a man who is accused of being a serial sexual predator, and another who runs a website that regularly denigrates women in the foulest ways. On top of that, his army of shadow orcs is spreading lies about Ms. Clinton's health, hoping to take advantage of the most pernicious gender stereotype in existence – that women lack the physical and mental stamina to hold power at the highest level.
Of course there are women who support Mr. Trump, but they do not exist in great enough numbers to push him to victory. It's hard to imagine a pivot, at this point, away from a campaign that has been so profoundly dismissive of half the U.S. population. Perhaps, as has been recently suggested, Mr. Trump doesn't actually want to be president, and is only in it to reach for greater fame. Perhaps he and Mr. Ailes will, at the end, pitch a reality series called "The Bachelor: Ninth Circle of Hell." Perhaps they'll start a farm and raise pygmy goats. At this point, very little makes sense. The only thing that's certain is that if you want to get to the White House, don't annoy the women in your parade.