How to be Happy (Part 1)

DAVE PHILLIPS

Globe and Mail Update

Some months ago in this space I wrote about being happy, the desire to be happy, the pursuit of happiness, the mysterious elusiveness of happiness. We all just want to be happy! This is the number one item on most people's list of desires in life, at least most of the people that I work with. In fact, Aristotle said, "Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence." No wonder it is such a common desire.

Over the next few months I will be writing a bit about happiness and what those who study it are telling us about how to increase it in our lives.

At this time of year, when we are either making or shunning resolutions and thinking of goals for the New Year, I think many of us would simply like to know more happiness in our daily lives. In that previous article I wrote about Aristotle's four levels of happiness. The first and basic level was Immediate Gratification; feels good but doesn't last. Level #2 was Gratification through Achievement; better, but quickly turns stressful due to the pressure to continually perform and to a fear of failure. Level #3 Gratification through Contribution; focusing on others and beginning to serve and love, and finally Level #4 Transcendent Gratification; getting in touch with our "signature strengths" and living out of the centered place of our authentic selves. In this fourth, and, to be honest, rather elusive level of happiness, we live more consistently from a place of purpose and truth, serving others and working, in various and creative ways, for the good of the world.

The difficulty with all this, of course, is that it does not quite happen like a well orchestrated business plan. Happiness, like success, is one of those qualities that catches us by surprise, we find it when we're not really looking for it. One of the best ways to sabotage our search for happiness, actually, is to seek it relentlessly. It is always just beyond our grasp. Focusing on finding happiness is the best way toward un-happiness there is. It simply will not be caught, it must be received, like a gift.

That said, there are 12 key components of happiness that Dan Baker, in his book What Happy People Know, has seen in people that profess to be happy. And these components are things that we can practice, as it were, in our daily lives. Let's look at the first six:

  1. Love. Love has to be number one, doesn't it? We all need to love and to be loved. Love needs to be lived which includes encouraging, serving, caring for others, doing things that make other people happy. Love as a concept is meaningless without tangible expression.
  2. Optimism. I dare you to find someone who always sees the dark side of everything who is also happy. Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh's sad-sack friend, is grumpy and depressed, not the happy soul we desire to be. Optimism and pessimism are somewhat inbred within our personalities but we are not slave to them. We can practice optimism. It may be difficult if you are not naturally optimistic but why not try it as an experiment. Think of one positive thing each time you find yourself seeing only the problem or the difficulty. I recently heard a world class designer state that pessimism and cynicism are a lazy approach to life. Those of us who pride ourselves on working hard and achieving goals can be guilty of profound laziness in our general outlook on life. Let's practice optimism.
  3. Courage. Courage is not just for the soldier or the police officer. We each exude courage each time we attempt to talk openly with our teenage son or daughter, each time we take a risk at work, each time we reach out to mend broken relationships. Giving courage, through en-courage-ment is as important as living courageous lives ourselves.
  4. Freedom. Happy people state that they experience freedom in the choices that they make. No one has unbridled freedom without limitations but we can each see the choices that are before us and choose freely which course we will walk, rather than being slaves to convention, peers, or societal values.
  5. Pro-activity. Waiting for life to happen rarely fosters happiness. Our freedom creates an environment where we can act intentionally to move toward the outcomes we desire, like increasing one's level of happiness!
  6. Security. Security does not mean free from all possible harm. We live in an often chaotic world where it is easy to feel insecure and off centre. Happy people find their security within themselves. They know who they are, they are content being themselves, comfortable in their own skin, you might say. Even when danger and suffering hit, this inner security can keep us standing firm rather than crumbling under the pressure.

There are six more for next time. Until then, why not go over each of the above components of happiness and ask yourself, "How can I practice this in the next month?" You may just find a little happiness lurking in the background!

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