"If your goals are your purpose for living, when you achieve your goals you lose your purpose"
- said by a man in mid-life crisis
Last time I talked about Three Big Questions that we all inevitably face. What will be the Purpose, Mission and Vision for my life. Frankly the journey starts with purpose.
One way that we can begin thinking about our purpose is to reflect on the questions, "What does it mean for me to be happy and what level of happiness do I want to live at?"
I often ask the question, "What do you want?" to which people answer, "I just want to be happy." When I ask what that means, I receive a variety of responses. Happiness looks different to each of us. Different backgrounds, expectations, preferences and imaginations work together to form our own unique and individual sense of happiness.
But happiness has been sought after for centuries. We're not the first ones to desire it.
More than 2000 years ago, Aristotle described four "levels" of happiness. Martin Seligman has, more recently, written a book called Authentic Happiness which validates, much of what Aristotle discovered so long ago. Seligman, like Aristotle, sees happiness as a growing and developing reality; there are levels of happiness.
The first level that Aristotle, then Seligman, describe is Immediate Gratification; we do something that makes us feel good now. The second level is Gratification Through Achievement; we work towards and achieve goals that make us happy. The third level is Gratification through contribution; we work toward serving and bringing happiness to others. The fourth and final level is Ultimate Gratification, or Transcendent Gratification; we work and live to further truth and justice, love and grace in the world. Notice that the levels progress from self-serving to other-serving. As much as we all strive for and desire happiness for ourselves, the path to true and lasting happiness is through service toward others.
Let's unpack these a little.
Level 1: Immediate Gratification.
We all know about this one. "You're worth it! Get it now! Why wait, you deserve it." The benefit to Level 1 happiness is that it usually works…for a while. When the good feelings wear off, though, we can often find ourselves emptier than before. If we're honest, we usually "live" at Level 1 when we are trying to feel better about ourselves or to avoid or subdue our fears. It's a pretty shallow happiness.
Level 2: Gratification Through Achievement.
This one is less self-centered than Level 1. We are using our talents to achieve goals, to accomplish something good. There will be some short-term gain and we can experience a sense of success. If we remain here, though, we can become fearful of failure, isolated, jealous, and cynical. Happiness becomes something to be worked at endlessly. After years of this, the burden can become overwhelming.
Level 3: Gratification through contribution.
In this level we take our eyes off ourselves and begin serving others, helping to meet their needs. The benefits of this kind of living can far outweigh more self-centered tendencies. We begin to see ourselves as part of a community, able to make a real difference in the lives of others. Our own happiness increases as we stop grasping for it.
And finally ...
Level 4: Transcendent Gratification.
We are now living for a purpose that is larger than us, something truly worthy of a life, worthy of our life. We seek the happiness and joy of others by giving our energy to justice, peace, beauty, love. We are living for something that will outlast us, something that will contribute to many, many lives, not simply our own. We call it "transcendent" because it gets us in touch with that which is beyond us.
Those who are happiest become the kind of people that naturally use their signature strengths, in a virtuous fashion to make a contribution. I commonly see people who gain power, control and money in their business lives thinking this will make them happy. Most of them will tell you it's an illusion. Those who don't, haven't thought about it.
Canadian Olympic gold medalist and world champion, Kathy Kreiner-Phillips (my wife) is a perfect example. She attained the pinnacle of success in sport. You think that would make anyone happy. But why does she say it pales in comparison to having a child and being a mother? This is a common occurrence. Being a mother is far more physically, emotionally and intellectually demanding she says, yet it has brought her more happiness than a gold medal ever will.
Living at Level 4 is a lofty, but a very worthwhile, goal. There likely have been times when you have visited Level 4 but most of us live between Level 2 and 3 and societal pressures and influences are always trying to drag us down to Level 1 and frankly, they are doing a pretty good job. So let me ask you, when you get all the stuff you want, what's going to make you happy then? If you don't know, you need to think about it.
Thinking about happiness in this way can help us see the exercise of establishing our purpose, mission and vision as not only beneficial to ourselves but to those we serve as well.
Can you be the kind of person who receives happiness by seeking it for others?
Dave Phillips can be reached at dave@courage4u.com. To read more about Dave's coaching philosophy, go to his web site. Dave's book "Three Big Questions" will be available in September '05
