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DEAR CORPORATE GOVERNESS
My current boss is a hugger. How can I get her to tone it down?
Anika H., Toronto

DEAR ANIKA
Indiscriminate hugging may do more than wrinkle a colleague's Versace jacket. It can be offensive, cause business contacts to dodge your boss, or prompt a superior to rethink her suitability for promotion. Although well intentioned, it also assumes a level of intimacy that may be dangerously misunderstood.

Hugging is best left as a spontaneous gesture of affection between friends, preferably of similar height. If you have to ask permission, you shouldn't be hugging. That said, you could find yourself ostracized as the anti-hugger if you complain. If you have any doubt, catch a rerun of the Seinfeld episode "The Kiss Hello," in which Jerry takes a stand against social kissing.

You might also try talking to your boss about how her unsolicited hug therapy upsets you, but I doubt it'll do any good. She'll only try to make it better with a hug.

DEAR CORPORATE GOVERNESS
I was recently asked to contribute to a wedding gift for an employee in my department. The problem is that the young man is gay and I have strong moral objections to same-sex marriages. How do I gracefully decline?
Roland P., Hamilton

DEAR ROLAND
If gift giving is the norm in your workplace, it's discriminatory to be selective about which individuals you deem worthy of your generosity. Because you are a leader, workers will take notice not only of your lack of generosity but also of your prejudice. The danger here is that others may follow your example, creating a toxic work environment.

If your conscience truly does not allow you to wish your gay employee well, it would be better for you not to participate in gift giving at all. You should also resist using the occasion as a soapbox for your objections to same-sex marriage or, for that matter, your views on overpopulation should Julie in accounting choose to have a baby.

Realize that the happy couple in question have already made their decision, and so has the government of Canada. Make peace with it.

DEAR CORPORATE GOVERNESS
I'd like to spend more time with my young family, but I'm afraid of being labelled a wuss at my corporate law firm. Any suggestions?
Ryan K., Calgary

DEAR RYAN
While some law firms would prefer you eat your young rather than bill fewer hours, that doesn't mean you should miss all of Emma's soccer matches. Remember: you've got clout. Brian Tabor, president of the 34,000-member Canadian Bar Association, says life-work balance is the CBA's No. 1 priority.

In a profession where gruelling hours are expected, this has created a culture clash with established senior lawyers who met their own offspring only fleetingly at major life events. They may not understand your need to nurture, but are slowly realizing they must change or possibly lose the best and brightest of their profession.

In a recent national survey of over 1,400 lawyers, Toronto-based Catalyst Canada found that 84% of women and 66% of men rated "an environment supportive of my family and personal commitments" as an important factor in choosing a workplace. "There's a new generation coming out of law school saying, I want a life that includes my family," says Susan Black, president of Catalyst Canada. "But men are stigmatized differently. It's much more acceptable for a woman to need family time, although there's still a perception for both sexes that it indicates a lack of commitment."

Black advises that you define what success means, then set your boundaries and make them known, keeping those boundaries in mind when the going gets tough. The key is to stay flexible—say, making your goal to be home for dinner with the kids two nights a week. "Do excellent work, so it's harder for people to criticize," says Black. "And find champions within the firm who get this issue and can help you navigate from inside."

In the end, if your firm won't compromise, you may be in the wrong place. "The practice of law is not a sprint, but a marathon," according to Tabor. "At the end of the day, we only have one life. Strive to achieve your balance and you're sure to minimize the regrets."

Send the Governess your comments and questions.