A former client of mine skyrocketed into the executive ranks when both his boss and boss’s boss suddenly quit in the middle of a high-stakes marketing project. He was 28 at the time.
He changed. Previously a self-deprecating man who wasn’t terribly ambitious, he began to dress and act like a caricature of a confident, successful executive, peppering his conversation with stories about power lunches, bonuses and stock options.
But he never quite grew into the role he was trying to project and didn’t develop the emotional depth one would expect of someone at his level. It finally caught up with him 10 years later when he was dismissed. He drifted into a deep depression. Always the golden boy, he had never failed before. It took him a long time to find new employment and it was at a much lower level.
The stellar success early in his career was the worst thing that could have happened to him. Just as I worry about the long-term impact on young people who miss out on crucial work experiences through unemployment, or being marginalized in service jobs, I also worry about people who have too much too soon.
We frequently hear stories about one-hit wonders, such as pop stars or writers who initially appeared to have great promise and a few years later drop off a cliff, mentioned only in “whatever happened to?” features. The same thing can happen to people in the business and professional worlds, whether they are brilliant young scientists, brokers or consultants – except that few people wonder where they are now.
Those who succeed too soon miss critical formative experiences in building a career – the rough and tumble of being in your 20s or early 30s and trying to make sense of the irrationality and politics of organizational life: dealing with bosses who treat staff like dirt; being asked to perform seemingly insulting tasks such as making photocopies; working with a mixed salad of personalities, some difficult, over whom you have no power; having your ideas not taken seriously. And, of course, dealing with the angst of wondering: Is this what I want to do with my life?
These experiences lay the foundation for later success and socialize people into corporate life. They also provide the necessary fodder for learning to deal with rejection and failure.
It is not easy to hit the career jackpot when you are young. As one woman who built a company in her 20s, and sold it in her 30s, described it: “You are the recipient of all kinds of passive-aggressive comments, such as, ‘How lucky for you that you were in the right place at the right time’ and condescending remarks from older people about being pretty. It was as if skill and talent had nothing to do with it.”
And it can be lonely, especially for those who make it today. This generation’s crop of twenty- and early-thirtysomethings are tribal in bonding with people their age; they treat work relationships much as they did student friendships. Making the transition to being a boss of pals can lead to self-consciousness at a life stage when you’re still trying to fit in, gauging personal success in relation to that of friends.
Significant differences in income can also lead to petty resentments. As one whiz kid put it: “When you go out with friends, you always wonder if they expect you to pay. Or if you go to a cheap bar people say things like, ‘I guess this is slumming for you.’”
Relationships often take a battering. For example, I know several highly competitive couples who met in their 20s and used income as a means of “keeping score.” Their relationships unravelled when one of the high achievers hit career gold.
