It took a stroke at a relatively young age to show Lumbie Mlambo the importance of balance. It occurred 14 years ago, when she was 36, and she ended up partly paralyzed.
Some people might have started to think about how their life choices led to this unfortunate situation, and decided to opt for a better balance between work and life. Others would be focused on their plight, feeling sorry for themselves and preoccupied with getting better. But in her case, the stroke led her to realize that she should care for others more – that she had been too concerned with herself. Others were helping her, and she needed to look outward, not inward.
It's an unusual response but balance has many facets and her story is a reminder to us of the importance of getting the balance right between ourselves and others. "I now care for other people. We as human beings are dependent on others. We need to be selfless, not selfish," the Texas magazine publisher said in an interview.
Her recovery took a long time, as she learned to walk and talk again. She still struggles with handwriting – what she puts on paper is almost indecipherable to others. When tired, she can also experienced difficulty speaking. The key is to not be stressed. But that's impossible, she reflects.
She wasn't a selfish person beforehand. But she didn't put a lot of emphasis on other people. Now she does. She has discovered that if you care about others, you will feel better about yourself.
She tries to empathize more, understanding the issues other people have in their lives. She tries to help where she can. If a homeless person stops her on the street and asks for $1, she asks what they will do with it. Then she'll usually give them $5 and wish them well.
And you should adopt this empathetic attitude now. "You can be dead or not healthy tomorrow," she has learned. "We can't be complacent."
She started a magazine about balance, using that word for its name. But after one of her writers complained it was a lifeless title, she changed it to Equanimity. That word highlights mental calmness and composure. Her mission in the magazine – and she believes it's important for us as individuals when seeking equanimity – is to share stories of other people.
Whether it's a tale of success or of failure, others can learn from it as they strive for a balanced life. Telling your story opens you up. It connects you. It can inspire others. "When you tell your story, it empowers, motivates and encourages people to not give up on their dreams and goals," she said. "Maybe you think your story is just not that interesting or important. But for someone out there, it may be the spark that ignites them to do great things."
Again, there is link between caring for others and caring for yourself. Telling your story can also validate it and help to raise your self-esteem. It banishes the thought we sometimes have that our life is worthless. It gives us a voice.
Sometimes we're fearful of sharing, particularly if it involves speaking before a group. But we need to get over that fear, she says, and we will learn that others will hear and honour us.
Staying balanced is a key to a healthier and successful life, she believes. It's become conventional to dismiss balance as a myth – unachievable. But she figures it depends on how you define balance. Think broadly, as she has, and you can see all sorts of ways balance can affect your life. If you're dehydrated, you're out of balance; if you drink water, you'll be back in balance. When in the shower, make sure you're balanced – firm on the ground – so you don't fall. When sleeping, find the most balanced, comfortable position. "If you think broadly, you see there's more to balance than the traditional definition. Then balance is not a myth," she says.
So think of others. Understand your own story of life and share it with others. Look around you at the many aspects of balance and imbalance that you take for granted. Consider the concept of equanimity – how often is it a part of your life? Her stroke changed her life, and maybe it can change yours.
Harvey Schachter is a Kingston, Ont.-based writer specializing in management issues. He writes Monday Morning Manager and management book reviews for the print edition of Report on Business and an online work-life column Balance. E-mail Harvey Schachter
Harvey Schachter