Someone recently sent me an e-mail about some work she had done. At least I think that was what it was about.
With seven acronyms in a couple of paragraphs, it had as much meaning as alphabet soup. She wrapped up by saying that I looked familiar, and asked if I had met her (at another acronym conference).
I frequently receive such incomprehensible notes. I always wonder if the senders have any idea of how ridiculous they sound, and how their communication style seriously undermines how they are seen by others.
Some reflect underlying personality deficiencies, such as narcissism, arrogance, insecurity or laziness. Others are simply irritating quirks. Regardless, they all interfere with an individual's communication effectiveness.
Whether written or oral, here are some of the more egregious types of communication sins. If you see yourself committing them, consider the suggestions for changing how you communicate.
Narcissism
Narcissistic communicators not only see everything from their own point of view, they believe that everything about that point of view and who they are is endlessly fascinating.
The main function of an audience is to mirror how great the narcissist is.
This is the office bore who, when telling a story to co-workers, thinks that 20 years of week-by-week background is necessary to really understand what he or she is are saying.
Or the egomaniac, who relays, word for word, an entire conversation and then repeats all the clever things he or she said.
Or the people who think they are so endlessly fascinating that you must remember them after meeting them at a conference 15 years before.
Narcissists rarely see themselves. But if you can, take note: What enthralls you - you - is not particularly enthralling to others. Unless you are one of the rare charming raconteurs, stories about how accomplished and admired you are can be terminally boring.
Give your co-workers some breathing room. Ask something about them. And get to the point quickly.
Arrogance
Arrogant communicators see interpersonal interactions as a kind of competitive sport. The winner? The person who inflates his or her own ego by diminishing that of others.
They usually keep their cards close to the chest, waiting for you to make an idiot of yourself. For example, when you offer an opinion, the person says, in a voice dripping with patronizing indulgence, "That's an interesting point of view." What you hear: "That's the most incredibly stupid thing anyone has ever said."
Sometimes the psychological underpinning of arrogant communication is arrogance. But sometimes it is actually shyness.
If you think people experience you as arrogant, and you don't actually believe yourself to be superior but are simply socially awkward, soften how people see you.
Compliment co-workers. Ask them questions about their work. Act like what they say is important.
Status seekers
They come in a variety: Name droppers need to be seen as a Very Important Person by their association with Very Important People. Achievement droppers like to tell you who they are by a list of all their recent accomplishments, quantified: "My unit increased profitability 500 per cent last quarter." Or "my stock portfolio soared 1,000 per cent."
Both are insecure - name-droppers searching are for cachet by association; achievement-droppers want recognition of their competence. Unfortunately, both do the opposite of what they intended: They don't impress.
Rather than assume people care about who you know or your business coups, share something about you are, or an interesting life experience. Make a connection.
Jargon addiction
The people who pepper all conversation with professional terminology also typically have many insecurities.
They are really saying, "Look at how smart I am." Or, "Look at what exclusive club I belong to that you don't."
