Play hard to get. If you've got it, flaunt it.
They're bits of relationship advice that have been passed on. But they're not just for the dating world: such relationship rules can work just as well for women in their careers, career coach Nicole Williams says in her new book Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into Career Success.
Some of the rules may seem counterintuitive, politically incorrect and even downright risky in the current highly competitive job market, but, "to me, the biggest career risk is settling for less than your potential," says Ms. Williams, who recently moved her coaching practice from Vancouver to New York.
"You want to stand out when there's a lot of competition, so holding out for what you really want can be the very thing that differentiates you from the pack."
In a conversation with Wallace Immen, Ms. Williams, also the author of the Earn What You're Worth and Wildly Sophisticated career advice books for women, outlined some of the dating rules she believes can lead to a dream career match. Here's what she had to say:
Treat him mean to keep him keen
I know this sounds contrary to what many people think they need to do to survive in a bad economy, but a boss is not going to keep people just because they like them. The keepers will be the ones who are performing, because the boss's career survival depends on it.
Sweetness and light and doing whatever is asked without question gives you no leverage. If you want to be respected and in demand, there is one simple strategy: Have guts enough to stand up and have an opinion and be able to say no to bullshit.
A prime example of this is Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of Vogue magazine. She may have been mocked in The Devil Wears Prada, but she didn't become a fashion icon by letting people walk all over her. In fact, when she landed an interview with former Vogue editor Grace Mirabella, it ended right after Anna declared it was Ms. Mirabella's job she was after. She was eventually hired at Vogue, after demanding a salary that was double what she was offered.
If you've got it, flaunt it
It sounds politically incorrect, and I'm not by any stretch of the imagination suggesting that women use sex to get ahead. But attractiveness is a reality, so it doesn't work to women's advantage to hide it and pretend that they are men. What I recommend is that women use their beauty and charm to their strategic advantage.
That's not to suggest going as far as Ivanka Trump, who favours stilettos and isn't afraid to show off what she's got. Even she knows there are limits, as she told me: "I'm a girlie girl. I'm not afraid to be feminine, to wear pink to the office. But there is a line to be drawn ... leveraging what you've got and your feminine wiles, but not to the point where you're doing yourself a disservice."
The key is using the tools you have available as a woman: your clothes, your grace, your ability to flirt, to create attention and attraction.
That said, though, the most consistently attractive things for a woman are being smart, articulate and confident.
Don't expect to change him
Leopards and lousy bosses don't change their spots. The career message is that you should try to find the right boss rather than expecting to change a situation where you are not supported, respected and compensated well for your work.
A lot of women have a whole list of attributes they want in a man and they don't place that much attention on what they want to find in a boss. If you are in a situation like this, don't spend 20 years in the wrong company with the wrong boss when in fact there may be a better match out there.
