DEAR CORPORATE GOVERNESS
My hand felt like a wet noodle after being pumped, crushed and clung to during a recent conference. Doesn't anyone know how to shake hands any more?
Laura K., Edmonton
DEAR LAURA
Some people apparently don't realize that shaking hands is not a contact sport. The hand should neither be grasped like a football nor squeezed like a taxpayer. Pamela Bedour, director of the Protocol School of Ontario and a certified etiquette consultant, describes the perfect handshake this way: "It should be firm, but not too firm. Extend your hand, thumb up and fingers out, so you make web-to-web contact when you connect. Shake from the elbow, not the shoulder or the wrist. Two smooth pumps and that's it. Like a kiss, you know when it's over."
Don't be a bone crusher or a limp fish, both of which suggest insecurities, and remember to make eye contact and smile. There's no difference in technique for men or women, but avoid large rings. They hurt.
Of course, you could choose to avoid the whole messy practice, as does germaphobic Donald Trump, who calls handshaking "barbaric." Fear of infectious organisms even has glad-handing politicians packing bottles of sanitizer, and some churches replacing the bacteria-laden handshake of peace with a friendly smile, bow or wave. After all, who really knows where the hand you're shaking has been?
DEAR CORPORATE GOVERNESS
I recently became pregnant. When should I tell my employer?
Shannon G., Oakville, Ont.
DEAR SHANNON
Having a baby shouldn't make women quake in their Manolos. Although illegal, pregnancy discrimination still exists but is fiendishly difficult to prove. If you think your boss may be unenlightened, wait until you're safely through the first trimester before dropping the baby bomb.
Ann Douglas, Canadian journalist and author of The Mother of All Pregnancy Books, recommends planning your announcement to coincide with a major achievement at work. "Be proactive about showing you're just as productive as ever to the company, and share your plans for the pregnancy," says Douglas.
If you have severe morning sickness or other complications, you may have to spill the beans right away. Tell your boss before someone else does or he figures out why the caffeine queen has dropped her lattes.
Once you've assured your boss that you won't be spending all your time on the Irish-baby-names site, find out what concerns he might have. "Sometimes the pregnancy is the elephant in the room no one talks about," Douglas says. "If there's any apprehension, bring issues out in the open, and don't hesitate to ask what your options are. You have every right to have a baby and shouldn't feel apologetic about it."
DEAR CORPORATE GOVERNESS
Despite regular communication, rumours and gossip spread like a bad rash through my company's open office. How do I stamp it out?
Jay B., Calgary DEAR JAY
Rumour has it that your communications are really just clever spin-doctoring. It's only a hypothesis, but then, that's the basis of a rumour. And it's more dangerous than gossip, which tends to revolve around personal issues. In stressful times, both fly.
"In the absence of real information, people will make up all sorts of things," says Sandra Robinson, professor of organizational behaviour at the University of British Columbia's Sauder School of Business. "Clamping down will only drive it underground."
According to Robinson, there's often a reluctance on the part of senior management to communicate. Either they don't have the time or they don't think it's important. In fact, they don't realize how important it is. "People have a strong need to make sense of what's going on, especially when there's change," says Robinson. "So they do it collectively around the water cooler" - or via e-mail, instant messaging or BlackBerry.
Robinson suggests an open-door policy to encourage employees to speak out and ask questions. "You're never going to eliminate gossip, but you can lessen the factors that drive it by having an office culture where employees feel comfortable seeking the truth or getting clarifications."
You could also try sharing your ideas. Then you might find yourself inside the loop, instead of out of it.
Got a question? Write the Governess at Report on Business magazine, 444 Front St. W., Toronto, M5V 2S9. E-mail: corporategoverness@globeandmail.ca.
