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Week In Review

CRTC queries Canadian content in TV porn: My 21 solutions Add to ...

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It’s not the explicit content that has caught the eye of Canada’s broadcast regulator. It’s the Canadian content.

The CRTC says AOV Adult Movie Channel, AOV XXX Action Clips and AOV Maleflixxx may have breached their 35-per-cent Canadian content requirement, as well as that for 90-per-cent closed captioning.

So I scanned the online offerings to see whether some movies could somehow pass the Canadian-content test with a little tweaking ( though I did change the name of one film).

Here's how the AOV channels could spin it for the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission at the April hearings for licence renewals and ownership changes:

1. Total Domination should be billed as a documentary on the Harper government.

2. Awesome Assets could be a weekly money show on Canada’s mutual fund industry, which just hit the $1-trillion mark.

3. Dirty Weekend. A musical special, featuring Neil Young singing about the oil sands and Fort McMurray.

4. Immoral Proposal. A hidden-camera news exposé wherein Mike Duffy is seen to ask: “Hey, Nigel, can I borrow $90,000?”

5. The Stranger Beside Me. A similar hidden-camera news special wherein the prime minister, speaking about the aforementioned Nigel, says: “Nigel who?”

6. For that matter, Dirty Little Secrets could document the entire Senate scandal.

7. As could Intimate Encounters. Or just change Behind the Green Door to In the Red Chamber.

8. It’s Huge should be billed as a film about the Keystone XL pipeline.

9. My girlfriend likes to watch. A documentary on Maxime Bernier, and where he left his briefing notes.

10. The Exhibitionist: Starring Toronto Mayor Rob Ford.

11. The Hottest Show in Town, a sitcom based in Toronto. At City Hall.

12. Foot Service. An annual special on Jim Flaherty’s new budget shoes (and the difference between triple-X and triple-A).

13. In Pursuit of Pleasure. A reality show where contestants compete for the chance to be CEO of a Canadian bank.

14. Rookie Swingers. Just broadcast a season of the Toronto Blue Jays.

15. A sequel to Threesomes, a retrospective on the 20th anniversary of NAFTA.

16. Gold Diggers. Two choices here: A documentary on Barrick or a docudrama on its executive pay.

17. The Perfect Partner could be more Canadian, but only if Chrysler can get its way with the government.

18. Just Visiting may indeed end up as a flick about Target if it can’t make ends meet in Canada.

19. I (Heart) a Man in Uniform. There’s got to be a movie in the squabble over new fighter jets.

20. House Sitter. Just add a subtitle about Vancouver’s real estate market.

21. Swedish Amateurs. Change the name to Swedish Pros and say it’s about the Vancouver Canucks.

Thoughts from the week

“Exports have been a little stronger than previously thought but continue to underperform, and overall business investment has yet to pick up. Meanwhile, recent data support the bank’s expectation of a soft landing in the housing market and stabilizing debt-to-income ratios for households.” Bank of Canada

“I think as women we all need our tribe, people we can call and [receive] support from. As leaders we all share that responsibility to help start that and spark that.” Julie Barker-Merz, chief operating officer, BMO Insurance

“In a nutshell, even if the situation in Ukraine calms, as the market seems to be fully expecting, the end result of this episode can’t be positive.” Douglas Porter, Bank of Montreal chief economist

“I don’t want politicians to screw around with the capital expenditure program. This is not their business. I am not here to try to satisfy people’s egos or politicians’ ambitions. I make cars, as simple as that.” Sergio Marchionne, chief of both Fiat and Chrysler

“Looking ahead, the ongoing recovery is expected to proceed, albeit at a slow pace. In particular, some further improvement in domestic demand should materialize, supported by the accommodative monetary policy stance, improving financing conditions and the progress made in fiscal consolidation and structural reform.” European Central Bank president Mario Draghi

The week's top news

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The week in Business Briefing

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