FRANKENMUTH, MICH. -- 'My worst fears have been realized," my husband, Dave, laments as we drive up to Bronner's Christmas Wonderland, the self-proclaimed "World's Largest Christmas Store," in Frankenmuth, Mich. Its 11 hectares of landscaped grounds sprawl before us, loaded with tinsel, lights, life-sized crèche scenes and five-metre-tall Santas.
But my three-year-old son and I are in our element. "Holy smokes!" Nathan yips from his car seat in the back. "It's . . . like . . . Christmas."
It sure is. If you're the kind of person who, by Nov. 1, is already itching to hang Christmas lights, there are certain destinations that cater to your yuletide yearnings.
Bronner's -- a 96,000-square-foot store -- offers 500 styles of nativity sets, ranging from one that talks (it tells the Christmas story while a recorded choir sings We Three Kings) to a "Christmas in a Nutshell" version housing a minuscule Mary, Joseph and baby Jesus. There are more than 6,000 kinds of ornaments (the store groups them by theme, from "angels" to "hunting and fishing"), and over 200 kilometres of garland are sold every year. The store claims its electrical bill averages $1,200 a day.
"I need to buy a new house for all this stuff," jokes one customer sporting a "Jesus Loves You" T-shirt as she checks the price tag on a snow globe. Her friend agrees, saying, "I just go crazy at Christmas."
Frankenmuth goes more than a little nutty come holiday time. In mid-November, the streets are decked out for the season. Zehnder's of Frankenmuth, a chicken-dinner emporium that can seat up to 1,500 guests, serves its holiday-themed "Golden Roasted Half Duckling Dinner" with cranberry apple relish. Diners can wash it down with "Honeywood Holiday Cheer," a blend of white wine, cranberries, orange peel and cloves.
Just be sure to book a room early if you're planning a weekend trip. Even though there are dozens of hotels in the area, there was no room at any inn when we tried to find accommodation last Saturday.
There are some who say that Frankenmuth is the be-all and end-all of Christmas destinations. But there are other spots around the world that rival "Michigan's little Bavaria" when it comes to over-the-top festiveness:
Market merriment in Berlin
The German capital is one of the most festive places on Earth come December, with more than 50 Christmas markets and Advent bazaars each year.
You'll find one of the most popular bazaars next to Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church, around the corner from Kurfurstendamm, Berlin's opulent shopping and theatre strip. Sample the steaming mulled wine and baked cinnamon stars while perusing more than 100 handicraft stalls and refreshment stands. Meanwhile, trumpet ensembles, children's choirs and jazz and Dixie performers will take the stage at the Weltbrunnen fountain every weekend during Advent.
Most Christmas markets start during the last week of November and run through to Christmas Eve. They usually open at 10 a.m. and close for the night between 6 and 9 p.m.
Ontario's evergreen epicentre
Drysdale Tree Farm knows how to do Christmas right. More yuletide extravaganza than cut-your-own plantation, the property opens this weekend, marking its 60th year in Simcoe County's rolling countryside north of Toronto. It offers the standard wagon rides, mulled cider and open fire, but has expanded its Christmas offerings in recent years.
This season, kids can wait for a turn on Santa's lap in his permanent red-roofed home, get their faces painted, or take in a magician's show. It's all free -- although prices start at about $40 for a two- to three-metre tree.
City folk entering the 195-hectare tree farm should dress for the weather (wear real winter boots) and bring their own saws, owner Doug Drysdale advises. The farm does provide saws, but on a busy Saturday they're snapped up faster than you can say "Fraser fir."
If you can't stand crowds, arrive before 11 a.m. and avoid the second weekend before Christmas, the busiest of the season.
Indiana's tribute to St. Nick
Think Disneyland was the first theme park to open in the United States? Wrong. Try Holiday World & Splashin' Safari -- originally called Santa Claus Land when it opened in 1946 -- in Santa Claus, a small farm town at the southern tip of Indiana.
Although the park is closed for the season, the town of Santa Claus is gearing up for Christmas. With a population of just over 2,000, the town will kick off its Christmas in Santa Claus and Festival of Lights event on Dec. 10 with a 20-kilometre-long, Christmas-light-festooned drive.
The second weekend in December also features an all-you-can-eat pancake dinner with Santa (remember, this is southern Indiana, land of the buffet), craft shows, letter-writing to Santa, holiday concerts and gingerbread decorating.
For the full Santa Claus experience, stay the night at Santa's Lodge, and take in some bedtime stories with Santa in the evening -- complete with milk and cookies -- and breakfast with Saint Nick the next morning. The program runs from Dec. 2 to Dec. 17.
Jolly Caribbean jump-ups
If you're hell-bent on leaving Canadian cold and snow behind -- and don't mind an early-morning wake-up call -- visit Kingstown, the capital of St. Vincent and the Grenadines in the Caribbean, for its Nine Mornings Festival.
From Dec. 16 until Christmas Day, locals get up at 5:30 a.m. to parade through the streets and attend mass at different churches around the islands. If that seems too tame, take a "sea bath" (swim) with the locals, dance a jump-up to a steel band or join in a traditional bicycle race.
The various organized events surrounding Nine Mornings are relatively new, having taken root over the past few years. Traditionally, celebrations were spontaneous, but this year, perhaps the police caroling contest will instill a little bit of order into the glorious, festive chaos of a well-loved bash.
NYC's holiday highlights
There's something about Christmas in New York that makes pushing through crowded, snowy streets enjoyable. That said, there are plenty of other ways to enjoy the city without spending a mint in Macy's or Bloomingdale's.
This year, the Rockefeller Center tree lights up Wednesday, Nov. 30, at 9 p.m. and will remain lit until Jan. 6, 2006. And if you're up for a spin around the ice rink, rent a pair of skates for $10. Who cares if ice time will cost you $20 on the weekend? Playing Barbara Ann Scott against a Gotham skyline is worth it.
Don't forget to visit Bryant Park's Fete de Noel. For the first time, the park will transform itself into a wonderland of arts and crafts, shopping and seasonal food -- an American take on outdoor markets found in towns and cities across Europe.
Pack your bags
FRANKENMUTH
Bronner's Christmas Wonderland: 25 Christmas Lane; 989-652-9931; http://www.bronners.com.
Zehnders of Frankenmuth: 730 South Main St.; 1-800-863-7999; http://www.zehnders.com. BERLIN
Berlin Christmas markets:
weihnachtsmaerkte/
weihnachtsmaerkte_o_berlin.html.ONTARIO
Drysdale Tree Farm: 6635 Simcoe Rd. 56, Egbert; 705-424-9719; http://www.drysdales.ca.
SANTA CLAUS, IND.
Holiday World & Splashin' Safari: 452 East Christmas Blvd.; 812-937-4401; http://www.holidayworld.com.
Christmas in Santa Claus and Festival of Lights: Various locations around the town of Santa Claus; 1-888-444-9252; http://www.legendaryplaces.org.
Santa's Lodge: 91 West Christmas Blvd.; 812-937-1902; http://www.santaslodge.com. Room rates start at $120 a night, all-inclusive.ST. VINCENT & THE GRENADINES
Nine Mornings Festival: svgtourism.com/articles/detail/
detail1.asp?id=101&prev_place.
NEW YORK
New York State Tourism: http://www.iloveny.state.ny.us.
Bryant Park's Fete de Noel: Bryant Park, Avenue of the Americas between 40th and 42nd Streets; 212-472-1522. Hours are 11 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. on Friday and Saturday. The market is open Sunday from noon to 6 p.m.
Rockefeller Center: The complex stretches between Fifth Avenue and Seventh Avenue and from 47th Street to 51st Street; 212-632-3975; http://www.rockefellercenter.com.
The Ice Rink at Rockefeller Center: 212-332-7654.
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