ONTARIO: HOW TO B&B

Staying clear of the doily set

Egle Procuta provides the lowdown on navigating the unpredictable world of bed and breakfasts

EGLE PROCUTA

April 26, 2008

The boyfriend and I were off to see Willie Nelson in Peterborough, Ont. It was the kind of concert tailor-made for a small-town audience - a perfect weekend getaway. The tickets were booked, but so, it turned out, were all the hotel rooms, thanks to a pee-wee hockey tournament.

No worries, I said, I'll find a nice bed and breakfast.

Now, the boyfriend isn't exactly the doily type. But after a few false starts, I hit gold when Google turned up the Peterborough House, an 80-year-old, ivy-covered beauty on a leafy residential street minutes from downtown. Owner Julie Sorichetti was also a yoga instructor, so the decor was very Zen, with nary a knick-knack in sight.

There was one room left, Sorichetti said, a third-floor loft with a two-person Jacuzzi. "But," she added, "it might be most suitable for couples without inhibitions." It seemed the suite's open-concept design extended to the toilet - with not even the illusion of privacy.

I gulped and pulled out my credit card. The boyfriend and I hadn't been going out all that long - so the relationship was about to move to a new level of intimacy.

That's the key to getting the most out of B&Bs: open-mindedness and flexibility. The payback is accommodation that is much cheaper than the Hilton and a lot more charming than the Holiday Inn.

Yes, there is the bad. Throughout my 20s, I had been an adventurous B&Ber, gamely trying out casas particulares in Cuba and guesthauses in Germany. But disaster struck in a prefab farmhouse bungalow in rural Quebec. I lay morosely on the narrow bed of the teenage son who had left home without clearing out his yellowing posters and volleyball trophies. AM radio from the kitchen came in loud and clear through the paper-thin walls. So did the aroma of the host family's pork-chop dinner. I wanted to take a shower but didn't relish the idea of running into grandma coming out of the only bathroom. After one miserable night, I slunk up to the hostess to explain that I would be cutting short my stay. I felt like a heel, but it was better than ruining my holiday.

For almost a decade after that, I refused to stay anywhere without an ice machine down the hall.

Eventually, though, I came to realize the shortsightedness of this strategy. There are times when B&Bs come in very handy - on a road trip, for instance - and times when they're the only option, like busy summer weekends at the Stratford and Shaw festivals.

I've now mastered the art of telling apart an excellent B&B from one you should stay clear of.

Often, when I am on a trip, I will do advance scouting, arriving unannounced at a B&B and asking to look around. More often than not, the hosts are happy to oblige.

Guidebook listings of B&Bs can quickly become outdated, so a B&B really needs its own website these days. There should be a good selection of photos - not just of the exterior but of all the guest rooms - but you also want to get a fairly accurate view of the floor plan. Ideally, there will be some separation between you and the owner's quarters - a private bathroom, a separate entrance, maybe a floor just for guests.

The website should also give you a clear sense of the owner's tastes and personality. Some sense of like-mindedness between host and guest is key to a successful stay. The propensity for doilies and potpourri has been replaced by what I consider New Age kitsch. If you get annoyed just reading about feng shui or chakras, find another host.

Have a checklist of must-have amenities, whether it be cable TV in your room or high-speed Internet access.

Check out the payment options, as some B&Bs don't take credit cards. And be sure to check out the cancellation policy and be prepared for less flexibility than at chain hotels.

You should also think about the degree of independence you can expect. Will you get your own set of keys or will you need the owner to let you in at 2 a.m.? Is there a set time for breakfast? Can you take it in your room? What is the smoking policy? Are pets welcome - of all sizes and species? Are children welcome? Knowing the answers will prevent any nasty surprises when you

arrive.

And a final word of advice: Don't get too attached to your favourite B&Bs. We liked the Peterborough House so much that we recently wanted to book another weekend getaway. The website was still up, but e-mails went unanswered and the phone wasn't accepting messages. I finally tracked down the owner. Turned out she was selling the business because she was too busy running another one, the Highland Retreat, in Haliburton.

B&B owners, it seems, have as much wanderlust as their guests.

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B&B etiquette

No matter how separate guest quarters may feel, you're still staying in someone's home. As part of that social contract, there are certain rules to follow:

Rooms are likely not soundproofed. Be mindful of behaviour in your room that might leave you red-faced at breakfast.

Things like magazines and paperbacks make a room feel like home. Leave them behind.

Be careful with decorative accessories that could be part of someone's prize collection. If you knock over a vase, don't just sweep the pieces under the bed.

There's no 24-hour receptionist. If you're letting yourself in late at night, make sure to properly lock the doors behind you.

Sneaking in guests is a no-no.

No-shows hurt business. If you must cancel, give as much notice as possible - and don't be surly about a cancellation penalty.

Some of the best B&B finds are through word of mouth. Pick up some extra business cards and pass them on to your friends. Or post a review online.

Write a thank-you note to the host.