It left him as mussed-up as a wet cat, but the lanky Canadian Idol wasn't taking time out for any shenanigans. He's just here, he says no less than five times in an hour, for the music.
There is also that thing about bidding for untold fame and wealth. Malcolm was getting ready for the World Idol song contest, which was pre-taped in London and will air over the holidays, meaning an estimated 100-million viewers will see his pretty puss from Auckland to Arabia.
"Before becoming an Idol, I didn't know what fame involved," he says, during a break from a day of camera work along the market stalls of Portobello Road. "It's an amazing experience. I like it."
The 11 national winners who will compete in the contest on Christmas and New Year's Day are all called "Idols" in competition shorthand. This leads to the sort of briefly held fantasy suggested by CTV's head of variety and entertainment, Ed Robinson, when he says: "All the world idols are staying in our hotel."
The Kingston-raised Malcolm was chosen over 16,000 rivals as Canadian Idol on Sept. 16, following one of the highest-rated series in Canadian television. His hit single, Something More, has since shot to the top of the charts and an album-length CD, Home, was released Dec. 9.
But World Idol will inflate his exposure at least 20-fold. A good performance could slingshot his career to the neon-lit fields of celebrity heaven, while a poor performance could mean consignment to the dustbin of pop along with other one-hitters like Chumbawamba and The Divinyls.
The World Idol will operate along the same lines as Canadian Idol, a format devised on London's ITV two years ago and since exported to 20 money-spinning markets (formerly called countries).
It could be a tougher gig, though, as participating countries are allowed to send only one judge and have tended to send their nastiest pretenders to Simon Cowell's throne as Mr. Mean and Nasty.
A foretaste was seen in the early days of pre-recording, when an Arab judge told Will Young, the U.K. Idol, to take voice lessons if he wanted any hope of becoming a success. Prior to being told he was such a failure, Young had sold 1.1-million copies of his first single, Anything Is Possible, in its first week of release.
During last week's taping, spiky-haired Malcolm performed He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, a Hollies hit from 1970, on the program, a performance that received mixed reviews. Canadian judge Zack Werner praised the performance. "You should be proud of what you did, bro," he said.
But British judge Pete Waterman thought Malcolm lacked passion and soul. "Sincerity was just a little light," he added.
Cowell was even less generous.
"There is nothing wrong with it, it was fine," said Cowell. "I'm seeing a lot of people [in the competition] who are adequate but have a quirky personality. I think people [in Canada] felt sorry for you. I'm sorry."
"Don't be," Malcolm shot back.
Malcolm later seemed unfazed by the criticism of his dance steps and overall presentation, giving the taping one of Idol's patented confrontational moments when he provided an assessment of the judges.
"It's a gig and they're doing it very well," Malcolm said to the comedians Ant and Dec, hosts of the British and U.S. versions of the show. "I think most of them lack personality, because they're just mean."
It's a knuckle-gnawing moment, but relaxing in a market pub, Malcolm was the picture of cool. In fact, nearly idiot-savant cool. I've seen garage bands more nervous before playing a sock hop. He had a drink and a smoke, but has no other vices.
He doesn't take drugs. He doesn't drink and drive. He is not a sexual tomcat. He enjoys sex, but only in the context of a committed relationship.
"You can't have sex with random women any more. It's not safe, and it's not moral either."
Malcolm mentions morals a fair bit, as they are important to him. He tries to walk a straight path, and always had a moral compass. But he has also found another perfectly good reason for them: Morals attract women like catnip attracts cats.
"A moral person," he says, with the confidence of someone who has mastered the perfect scam. "Girls love that. Women love that. Young and old, it doesn't matter, they all like it." He looks at me as if to ask, Can't you see the plan, Stan? "So, yeah. Sure, I'm a good guy."
His biggest fan base is teenage girls, followed closely by their mothers. He doesn't want to risk offending either. There is no doubting that charisma oozes from his shoes, but it's a quirky charm. He was dubbed "waiter boy" during the Canadian Idol series, but the sobriquet doesn't quite stand up on closer examination.
Considered in the flesh (what there is of it), Malcolm is rail-thin, intense, smart. He runs a high-speed CPU, a quick talker with a touch of the nut-ball. His hair has that astonished look and his retro specs appear to be have been nicked from kd lang's dressing room. He has the intensity of Elvis Costello and the kookiness of Buddy Holly.
"Hey, that's a compliment, thanks," he says. There is nothing wrong in the way he says it, but it still comes across slightly daffy. "I grew up with all that stuff," he says. "Frank Sinatra, Buddy Holly, the Everly Brothers, Tony Bennett." His Dad was in a band. "It's a part of my life."
I ask him about the gay thing and he is happy to clear the air. "A lot of people were saying they thought I was gay because I have a so-called 'gay' dress sense," he says. "Okay, that's great. I took that as a compliment. But no, I'm straight."
He is now able to indulge himself in a line of elegant urban wear provided by designer J. Lindeberg, one of the perks he enjoys. But when asked if there are sacrifices, he hesitates to think of one.
"Tell him the Albert Hall story," says his press minder. Naw, he'd rather not. Go on, says the media guy. Tell him. Awwoowww, says Malcolm, stirring his drink with studied interest. So the media guy tells it for him.
It seems Malcolm was shooting a video on the steps of the Royal Albert Hall when a tour bus disgorged its cargo of schoolgirls. Curious, they approached to ask who is this cute guy and why is he getting the camera treatment? Learning that Malcolm was the Canadian Idol, the girls rushed him and knocked him off his feet. He was mobbed down the length of the stairs before he managed an escape. The whole experience bothered him, poor dear. "I'm not sure I could get used to that."
He will have to learn quickly, if World Idol lives up to its ratings promise. The first episode will be shown on CTV at 8 p.m. on Christmas Day. Viewers in each country will then vote for their favourite, although to keep the process fair, they cannot vote for their national representative. The winner will be announced in a finale episode to be shown on CTV at 9 p.m. on New Year's Day.
With tenderloin time slots like these, the series could surpass even the record-breaking ratings of the Canadian Idol finale. According to Nielsen, the two-hour broadcast was the most-watched program since the advent of electronic measurement, with nearly 6.5-million viewers.
Pop Idol winners have gone on to considerable musical success, in part because of the built-in fan base that results from television exposure and selection by popular vote.
Kelly Clarkson, the U.S. Idol, won a Grammy nomination for best female pop vocal performance for Miss Independence. Will Young, the U.K. Idol, has a newly released CD at the top of the British charts, Friday's Child, while his debut album, From Now On, shifted 850,000 copies. They are now numbers one and two on the British charts.
Clarkson and Young were favoured by bookies to win the World Idol contest, but Malcolm was in the crowded mid-field. (His odds have since slid -- see sidebar.) The Canadian music-industry magazine Chart at ChartAttack.com was cautiously optimistic: "It looks like our Ryan may actually have a pretty good shot at this thing."
Odds on the Idols
Odds on World Idol contestants yesterday, from the British bookmaker Betfair.com
Kelly Clarkson, USA: 13 to 7
Will Young, UK: 31 to 10
Guy Sebastian, Australia: 18 to 5
Kurt Nilsen, Norway: 36 to 5
Heinz Winckler, S. Africa: 19 to 1
Ryan Malcolm, Canada: 24 to 1
Alexander Klaws, GDR: 37 to 1
Jamal Loman, Neth: 41 to 1
Peter Evrard, Belgium: 49 to 1
Alex, Poland: 49 to 1
Diana Karazon, Lebanon: 49 to 1
For schedule times and broadcast information, see: http://www.ctv.ca. For information on the contest, go to: http://www.worldidol.tv.
