1. The Lion King: Starring superagent Scott Boras, the Boston Red Sox and Daisuke Matsuzaka (cameo by ESPN's Peter Gammons). Having paid $51-million (U.S.) to the Seibu Lions for the privilege of talking to Matsuzaka, the Red Sox will try to hammer out a contract, something like $50-million over four years, before a Dec. 15 deadline, but they'd like to make a splash at the general managers' meetings. They'll also sign another Boras client, outfielder J.D. Drew, who decided to leave the Los Angeles Dodgers early in order to test free agency. Hmmm ... might be time to get the Great Mouse Detective on this one.
2. Beauty and the Beast: Manny Ramirez does double duty providing the voices of Manny The Slugger and Manny The Slug. Market conditions are right for the Red Sox to finally trade Ramirez, and even Sox star David Ortiz has given his blessing. The Dodgers or San Diego Padres figure in here, somehow.
3. Fantasia: A tapestry of stories focused on overpriced free-agent pitching — Barry Zito, Jason Schmidt, Ted Lilly and Gil Meche — set against the classical sound of GMs falling all over each other trying to gain that most precious of baseball commodities. Takes on a different feel when viewed after the use of hallucinogens.
4. Dumbo: An all-star cast of voices with more money than sense. Starring Chicago Cubs GM Jim Hendry for his signing of non-leadoff leadoff hitter Alfonso Soriano to an eight-year, $138-million contract; co-starring Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim GM Bill Stoneman for giving outfielder Gary Matthews Jr. five years and $50-million.
5. Honey, I Blew Up The Budget: The Baltimore Orioles spent a combined $40-million on middle relievers Chad Bradford, Jamie Walker and Danys Baez. Now, all they need to do is start addressing their needs. The Houston Astros gave outfielder Carlos Lee $100-million. Now, they need some pitching. Sequels could be in the works, given the nature of this market place.
6. Honey, I Shrunk The Team: Texas Rangers GM Jon Daniels has seen free agency rip apart his team, taking away Matthews Jr., Lee and pitchers Adam Eaton and Kip Wells. Starter Vicente Padilla is another free agent who could follow them out the door. Daniels still has some young players and pieces he can move, but he might be better off doing nothing.
7. The Incredibles: Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte used to pitch for the New York Yankees, but lately they've fallen into a comfortable middle-class existence with the Astros. (National League ball — ugh!) Now, forces are conspiring to help them save the Red Sox and Yankees from another year without a World Series — with implications for agents who want to use the American League East titans to ratchet up the price for other free agents. (Note: Alternate endings for Clemens are available closer to spring training.)
8. The Sword In The Stone: Chicago White Sox GM Kenny Williams has a problem: He has several proven starting pitchers available for the right trade (Javier Vazquez, Jon Garland and Freddy Garcia) and has one pressing need: a power-hitting outfielder. He's positioned to become king, if he can make that one, defining deal. Dodgers GM Ned Colletti has a problem: He has a boatload of young, cheap, talented players and needs a big bopper. His team's in a weak division. He, too, can trade his team into the postseason.
9. Alice In Wonderland: Starring free-agent slugger Barry Bonds as the White Rabbit. Which GM will follow him down the rabbit hole?
10. Aladdin: Granted three wishes by the salary genie, Toronto Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi uses one on designated hitter Frank Thomas. He wants to use the next two on Lilly and Meche in the next seven days.
