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Rachel Furey and Fletcher Madden have an 18-month-old daughter, Isadora. Maggie Wente and her partner, Alasdair, have a new home they will move into next month. Debbie Hartley and Blake Gilmore have wedding bands they have worn for the past 25 years.
None of them have a marriage certificate.
These three couples were among the 2.8 million Canadians living in common-law relationships in 2006, according to new data from the 2006 census released yesterday.
But they also represent a shift in how common law is perceived by those it defines. No longer easily chalked up to an accident of prolonged cohabitation, remaining unwed is a conscious decision for many couples who believe their lifestyle is just as legitimate and committed as any exchange of vows.
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"More people are substituting cohabitation for marriage and really treat it as marriage," said Zheng Wu, a University of Victoria sociology professor who has studied the trend. "Common law has become a protected social institution. It's not an irrational decision."
Since 2001, there has been a 19-per-cent increase in common-law relationships across the country, a growth five times faster than in the number of married couples.
Of all Canadian couples, 15.5 per cent are now common law, according to the new census data, up from 7.2 per cent in 1986. (Couples may self-identify as common law on census questionnaires if they live in long-term relationships with their partners and have never been married.)
The census also showed that a growing proportion of children younger than 14 live with common-law parents. Of the 5.6 million children in that age group, 14.6 per cent live with parents in a common-law union, three times as many as in 1986.
In Quebec, 2006 data found that 35 per cent of couples are in common-law relationships, representing 44.4 per cent of the national total.
"More of the population is not married than married. That's the first time we've seen that," said Rosemary Bender, director-general of social and demographic statistics at Statistics Canada. "Part of that is due to the fact that there are more common-law unions rather than marriages."
Mr. Madden and Ms. Furey have been together seven years and had a "personal ceremony" to cement their commitment, but have no plans to wed formally.
"Why do we need to have papers?" asked Mr. Madden, 34, who lives with his 30-year-old common-law spouse in Iqaluit, Nunavut.
The two refer to one another as husband and wife - for simplicity's sake - and other than an occasional comment from Ms. Furey's grandparents, no one has questioned the legitimacy of their bond.
"Nobody's said, 'Fletcher, if you want to spend one more year with my daughter you have to get down on one knee,' " Mr. Madden said. "I think Rachel would laugh her ass off if I ever tried anything like that."
In Toronto, Rachel Hepburn Craig, 32, and Marc Nouwens, 33, said they first decided to forgo marriage because same-sex couples were denied the option.
Now, with marriage available to all adult Canadians, the couple are busy raising their one-year-old daughter, Maike, but have not tied the knot.
"We've got everything we need in our relationship and don't feel like we have to get married," said Ms. Hepburn Craig. "After nine years together it just doesn't seem that important."
But some studies suggest marriage does have an impact.
A 2004 study by Statistics Canada found that married women have healthier babies than women in common-law unions. In 2001, the agency found that couples who marry after living together in a common-law union are more likely to separate than those who do not cohabit before marriage.
"While I don't doubt that as an overall statistic, there may be lots of reasons why various relationships work or break up," Ms. Hepburn Craig said. "For our relationship, I don't think that getting married would change anything. I think we're already committed."
Ms. Wente, a Toronto lawyer who has been in a relationship for five years, said she does not pay much mind to such statistics.
"It's never occurred to me that I'm making a calculated risk that maybe my relationship won't last because I'm not married," she said. "Statistics are meaningless to the individual, right?"
Her choice not to marry has evolved from a political rejection of an archaic institution toward a more pragmatic view that, really, she's already married.
"We've had a conversation about the permanence of our relationship," she said. "If you're in a relationship with someone for more than a few years I think you're hoping it's not ephemeral."
Having lived together for years, Ms. Wente and her boyfriend (as a lawyer, describing him as her partner suggests a professional connotation) are financially obligated to one another in terms of taxes and spousal support.
"The only reason we would get married, to be totally frank, is for the presents," she said. "Nobody's showing up at my house with a setting of casual china, and it's annoying. I want casual china."
For older common-law couples, decades of raised eyebrows are more irritating than the lack of flatware.
Ms. Hartley, 47, and Mr. Gilmore, 64, have been together and unmarried for 25 years, and have endured pointed comments implying their bond is not meaningful.
"I think what the issue might come down to is that they disapprove of our lack of conformity," Ms. Hartley said.
But the census data show Ms. Hartley and Mr. Gilmore are no longer in a tiny minority. The 2006 census showed huge increases in common-law relationships among those 40 and older. The number of people aged 60-64 living common-law rose 77 per cent between 2001 and 2006 - the fastest pace among all age groups.
Many people this age have already been married once, and after a divorce or the death of a spouse, appear to be opting for common-law relationships rather than a second marriage.
Mr. Gilmore has two children from his first marriage, both of whom are married, decisions he and Ms. Hartley "celebrated vigorously."
Ms. Wente, too, said most people in her life are married and many encourage her to join the club. She jokes that the census data might finally persuade her to take the plunge.
"Now that I know being a cohabiting couple is the norm, I might have to get married in order to distinguish myself," she said with a laugh. "I need a way to rail against society."
By the numbers
15.5
Percentage of couples, or
2.8 million Canadians, who live
in common-law unions
18.9
Percentage increase in
common-law couples in Canada since the 2001 census
3.5
Percentage increase in married couples over the same period
