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Don't say iPod, say I love you

PATRICK WHITE

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail

Latest comment posted at 10:37 AM EDT 04/12/07

A child's need for material objects is tied to his or her self-esteem: The weaker their self-esteem, the more stuff they want ...Read the full article

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  1. Neiland Bob from Canada writes: 250 jeans? 500 handbag? Really?

    Who exactly is buying this for their kids?
  2. E W from Canada writes: Clearly you don't have much contact with an upwardly-mobile teenager.
  3. s like from Canada writes: That would mean that North American in general must be suffering from very low self esteem based on our rampant consumerism. It's really bad in Calgary with adults of all ages buying up Hummers, pricey exotic sports cars and exceptionally large homes.
  4. John Smith from Vancouver, Canada writes: This whole subject basically comes under the heading of "Duh!". Where there is no human contact/warmth of any value, material objects are substituted for a false sense of comfort. It's just that however - false.

    Sadly all of society is built on this now. And people wonder why things are in the mess they are. To borrow/paraphrase a famous quotation - We have seen the enemy and is it us.
  5. Hugh Draper from Vancouver, from Canada writes: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
  6. John Doe from Halifax, Canada writes: Consumption is our state religion. Modern capitalist society is completely dedicated to the production and consumption of material wealth. Stores, shops and malls are modern temples -- of consumption. Shopping is a form of worship. People dedicate their entire lives to the acquisition of material wealth. Are adults really any different from the kids in this study ? Those adults who purchase huge homes, designer clothes and flashy sports cars -- do they also suffer from low self esteem ? Remember the old saying: "You can tell the men from boys by the price of their toys".
  7. Grunter Grimm from Victoria, Canada writes: Applies to humans in general.
  8. J Dear from Toronto, ON, Canada writes: Good story with a lot of truth too it. Of course we're all consumers, but to a few people above, please keep in mind that there's a difference between consumption and excessive consumption. A heathy balance of TLC and a gift or two isn't likely to adversely affect your kids' self esteem. However, there are thousands of families out there with ALL of the toys, both for the adults and kids, who's existence is based on accumulating "stuff" as they bicker away at each other. Healthy communication, compliments and an iPod for christmas is fine, but the iPod isn't enough for many parents and kids. It's the iPod, and the xBox , and the new bike and the new SUV (often a second or third vehicle) for dad. Regardless of your wealth level, being confident, modest and subtle is a good thing but quite rare.
  9. Neil Forrester from Advertising is based on reducing your self-esteem, Canada writes: This has been known for decades, and is done deliberately.
  10. Not Important from Canada writes: Isn't most advertising, including that aimed at children, geared to saying "You're not complete unless you own... [fill in the blank]"? The best thing you can do for your kids is cut the coax TV cable. (The same would go for most adults.)
  11. Dead TV from Ottawa, Canada writes: Who is jamming all this crap down the throats of everyone? It's the advertising/marketing machine. You know, the one that billions of people lovingly invite into their homes and lives and the lives of their families in high definition and surround sound. Television exists only to first convince you that your life could be so much better if you only had a bigger house, faster car, louder stereo, cooler clothes, a vacation, a better video game console, a lobotomy and secondly to tell you where to get it and how much it costs. I quit TV as soon as I was no longer in the 18-24 year old demographic because it was transparently clear just how gullible and foolish the marketers thought I was. I now have three kids and my five year old has never watched a televised advertisement in the house. When the cable companies send their sales folks door-to-door and I tell them I don't have TV and don't want it they look at me as if I am telling them that I don't require oxygen to live. Ever wonder why the cast of Friends got paid $1,000,000 per episode? It's not because they were great actors or that the writing was that great. It was because Pepsi figured they could sell a hell of a lot of their products.
    Wake up people. Ditch your TV and free yourselves from that nagging feeling that there's something missing from your lives.
  12. Alex Yaxmos from Canada writes: It's pretty true. People buy things to make up for what they lack on the inside. The happiest people are the ones that tend to want less but can have more.
  13. Fundamentalist Of Sorts... from Toronto, Canada writes: The reason for pre-teens and teenagers being the way they are is all due to irresponsible parenting. I mean come on, how many young men and women in the very age range being spoken about are having kids of their own these days? TOO MANY!! Obviously these young children are still searching for their own identities and not only do they feel that having a child will make them more responsible and raise their self esteem, they are raising their kids to believe and live the same way.

    Parenting is a huge factor in this whole situation, and it is irresponsible parenting on the part of the parents of these young children for even letting them give birth to children of their own at such a young age.

    This is something that probably won't be stopped, as young parents today are having children of their own to form an identity for themselves. This is selfish and I feel sorry for children who have parents like this. Be responsible. Stop having unprotected sex. Marry and then have children or be responsible for how you shape your children as they are supposed to carry on for us all in the future. Lastly and most importantly, GROW UP and stop having kids if you yourself are still one.

    Regards...
  14. Melissa Pauline from Canada writes: I think the comment about advertising and self-esteem is spot on. But I think there is more. Our society is so steeped in consumerism that what you own really IS the marker for success. Other people really will assess your character on the basis of your acquisitions (never mind if you are mired in debt, you can keep your bank statements hidden away). Being apparently materially successful will get you the admiration and respect of others in many cases. I've largely opted out of consumerism and it's become apparent that some people think I must have screwed up big time, otherwise I would own all kinds of stuff. The idea of trying to find peace of mind through means other than retail therapy is genuinely foreign and quite scary for many people. I've dated men who really believed they could win me over by spending lots of money on me, and who were surprised when it didn't work. We've gotten ourselves into some very weird territory with heavy emotional consequences, yet few seem willing to just ... get off the merry-go-round.
  15. Liam Horne from you're weird if you read this! :), Canada writes: Unfortunately, I have to say this "study" is totally bogus. Many adolescent children these days crave materialistic things because the market is extremely wide.. look for a minute, and what do you see?

    Many teenagers are far more intelligent then full grown adults.

    TY
  16. 20 20 from Canada writes:
    At the social and environmental policy level, what's needed is a consumption tax - which the Harper Conservatives just cut, twice, to cynically buy votes - and, even more importantly, a tax on advertising to help us control the advertising/marketing machine.
  17. can I vote again from around-Kingston, Canada writes: Parents are too busy trying to buy acceptance from their offspring...end result = spoiled.

    Parents have allowed absolute nonsense to enter their homes, interfere with the natural raising of their own children... it'll be an interesting twist to see if any of these "more mature than we were at their age" settle down ... to anything permanent.

    [Fundamentalist Of Sorts] pretty much nails it down.
  18. RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: I agree that society is driven by consumerism, but I disagree about this study despite the "Duh!" comments. If you believe the study, you are in essence believing that more poor that you are, the higher your self-esteem - which intuitively makes no sense. Whether you are materialistic or not is partially taught, same reason why many of people who were raised during the depression era are huge savers. If you are a kid and your parents have no money to buy you stuff, guess what, you learn not to be materialistic. If you are in a low income family your parents are out working all the time, no one is there to tell you that you are a smart kid - but guess what, money doesn't magically appear to buy an ipod - thus low esteem AND low materialism. Not to mention just look at modern society. Who has more self-esteem, a rich person or someone living in poverty? I'm not talking about insecurities because everyone has them, but who is more likely to think that their life has been a waste, that they are losers, that they aren't going anywhere, etc? The answer is obvious. This is not to say that self-esteem has NO impact, because it may, but I think this article is clearly overstating it. Intuitively the article leads me to believe that "self-esteem" is not necessarily the issue, but rather loneliness. Those with lots of friends and outdoor activities state that as what makes them happy; those without such characteristics naturally gravitate towards "things" because playing with imaginary friends only goes so far.
  19. B H from Toronto, Canada writes: "If you believe the study, you are in essence believing that more poor that you are, the higher your self-esteem - which intuitively makes no sense. "

    I didn't see anything in the study that said or implied that -? The link wasn't between kids' self-esteem and what they have, it was between their self-esteem and what they want and believe will make them happy. Whether they are rich or poor is irrelevent to what they want. Kids (and I wouldn't be suprised if this was true for adults as well) who don't have strong relationships and personal values crave a lot of 'stuff' which they are convinced will bring meaning to their lives. Bring more real meaning to their lives and they get less obsessed with the 'stuff'.
  20. nigel martin from Canada writes: I can still hear Bush after 9/11: " Go out and shop America!" Yes, the answer to all life's problems. Real poverty is not being able to meet basic needs. That is not the answer either. Once you collect materials because you believe that it will elicit respect from others, then you have crossed over the line.
  21. Fundamentalist Of Sorts... from Toronto, Canada writes: The reason for pre-teens and teenagers being the way they are is all due to irresponsible parenting. I mean come on, how many young men and women in the very age range being spoken about are having kids of their own these days? TOO MANY!! Obviously these young children are still searching for their own identities and not only do they feel that having a child will make them more responsible and raise their self esteem, they are raising their kids to believe and live the same way.

    Parenting is a huge factor in this whole situation, and it is irresponsible parenting on the part of the parents of these young children for even letting them give birth to children of their own at such a young age.

    This is something that probably won't be stopped, as young parents today are having children of their own to form an identity for themselves. This is selfish and I feel sorry for children who have parents like this. Be responsible. Stop having unprotected sex. Marry and then have children or be responsible for how you shape your children as they are supposed to carry on for us all in the future. Lastly and most importantly, GROW UP and stop having kids if you yourself are still one.

    Regards...
  22. robert F from Toronto, Canada writes: Listen, adults are just as bad...frankly I think most "adults" are essentially still teenagers with more income.

    This can be great fun, but when people start judging eachother on their ownership, that's when it really gets sad.

    Fashion is all about that, and nobody every realizes that in truth..."nobody is watching, and everybody is far too into their own life to notice you"

    Sure, we all want to look presentable, but I'll put it this way.

    1. do you care about what the homeless think about you as you walk by them?
    2. why would you care a any more for the dressed man or women on the street in nicer clothes.

    Their both complete strangers, and save for wearing a speedo and flip flops, wouldn't notice what you're wearing.
  23. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: The lower your self-esteem, the more stuff you want . . . . gee, who knew ?
  24. Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: "If you believe the study, you are in essence believing that more poor that you are, the higher your self-esteem - which intuitively makes no sense."

    An interesting slant but slightly misses the point. Those with low self esteem do not have the possessions AND want them. For those who have parents, who can afford these expensive toys for their kids, low self esteem is not an issue. However, they often have other issues.

    Living in our consumer driven society without access to the goods that many take for granted, can be a very soul destroying experience. These kids from wealthier families never cease to rub one's nose in it. They seldom see the inherent good in anyone and don't value those virtues that are truely important. Unless and until they face that person in divorce court.
  25. Comments are Closed from Toronto, Canada writes: So does anyone thing the hundreds of billions wasted on this continent on advertising creates low self-esteem? Now there's a 5 million dollar SSHRC study for ya.
  26. kelly moss from Canada writes: kids buying expensive toys should be arrested -

    speaking of being arrested why cant the rcmp arrest karl heinz schreiber for bribery in canada -- then we dont have to worry about that moron minister of justice nicholson not being able to prevent his extradition -- the fix is in - and harpers part of it --

    and so seems to be the globe and mail - i guess they are scared about getting sued .. well this wont stay long i guess - but i feel better having tried

    doesnt revenue canada have a law like - " you have too much money - tell us where it came from or we want it " - lets try that angle - they got al capone that way ...
  27. C. M. from Montreal, Canada writes: The comments blaming teen pregnancy for the problem of materialism among children are absolutely absurd. There are some "good parents" in that set, and there are probably, percentage-wise, about the same number of "bad parents" in the married-after-college-9-to-5-job-holding-suburban set, which means many many more spoiled children in pure numbers coming from there.

    I had the pleasure (cough) of going to high school in a well-to-do suburb of St. Louis, Missouri and was surrounded by classmates with divorced and two working parent families as well as ones whose stay-at-home-mothers were more content to just tan and play tennis all day while dad worked for Monsanto or advertising firms and who were lavished with the shoes and handbags and sports cars (driving age is 16, permit at 15... it was not unusual for a sportscar to be a 15th or 16th birthday gift, and if it "wrecked" it would be replaced with a sigh of "boys will be boys" or a girlish giggle). It did stratify the social structure of the school, who drove in their grandma's old Buick and who just got that yellow mustang. It was a frequent complaint of the school newspaper editorial board that people were dressing as if they were going out to party in a club every day. Some of the kids who were given all of these things were thoughtful and intelligent people, but many didn't have a detectable cell in their head. I don't think any of them were the product of teen parents.

    Low self-esteem and poverty have allowed possession of branded items to become a significant status symbol in urban ghettos. So much of rap culture (reflecting, if not back in turn influence the population) is focused on what ridiculous luxuries a person can acquire, what brands of shoes and clothes and cars a person has in their home and on their body. Having the "stuff" is more important than developing a skill, education, family...
  28. John Silverman from Canada writes: I agree that consumerism has taken over the lives of many people. And personally I just don't get it. That's why I don't care what anyone thinks of me, even though by most measures I'd be considered 'well off', I don't believe in showcasing or spending beyond your means. I know so many people who spend way more then they make and have huge debt. You don't realize it, but many of your colleagues and peers are in this situation. And they always think, I'll pay it off next year, or after this promotion I'll pay it off - but the problem is if they ever do earn more money, they just bump up their spending and continue to ignore their debt.

    This is one reason I don't agree with selfish people who don't want the government to help anyone or provide programs for anyone. Because I don't need to have every toy in the world. I'm happy to give a few bucks in taxes to help our society rather then buy yet another pair of shoes or a super expensive car. If material goods are the only thing that makes you happy you need to take a hard look at yourself and your life.
  29. RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: Okay, if you are a poor person what do you dream about: Prada hangbags or food on the table? Yes, food on the table is HIGHLY materialistic.

    I thought I covered this in my first post, but I'll state it again. People brought up during rough times (ie, great depression) have been shown to exhibit saving rates far in excess of the general public. This just shows how saving (thus materialism) is something taught by parents/environment. By extension my argument is that those who are needy will grow up with a more balanced consumerism mindset.

    Basically all the arguments against this is: Duh, those with low self esteem must need to compensate by wanting stuff. My retort is: WHY?! Empirical evidence states otherwise. Who is the MOST materialistic person that you know of (a movie star? pop idol? super rich? etc?), do you think they have self low esteem? (again, do not confuse with insecurities) Is there any sort of trend that the people with the LEAST self esteem (ie, "losers", people with eating disorders, suicidal) go out of their way to buy lots of stuff and are ultra-materialistic? Both questions are no brainers, but think about it. Your gut feel is not always right.
  30. Fundamentalist Of Sorts... from Toronto, Canada writes: C. M. from Montreal, Canada writes: The comments blaming teen pregnancy for the problem of materialism among children are absolutely absurd.

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First of all you say that of teen parents, 50% are good and 50% are bad...where did you grow up, Pleasantville? Listen, may your "well-to-do" suburb was filled with good parenting, but the average north american household is in turmoil because of bad parenting. Your comments are all biased, based on your own upbringing. Try letting your 16 year old raise a kid in the city. Then submit a post. I bet it'll be much different than the trash you submitted in your first one.
  31. Line Blain from Ottawa, Canada writes: Well, I was frustated because my 2 teenagers, 13 and 16 years old, were having a hard time finding anything to write down on their Christmas list. I have changed my mind now and actually they had offered me the best gisft a mom can hope for: a sense that what I'm doing for them is the right thing!

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