At a recent moms' group brunch, the baby talk took a conspiratorial turn. The topic: Who was expecting a "push present?"
"Tennis bracelets are too flashy," said Catherine Alonso, 30, who had brought her espresso machine to fuel the potluck luncheon in Toronto's Forest Hill neighbourhood.
But she was alone in her dissent - her brunch mates said they would need no coaxing to sport one.
Always a piece of serious jewellery, frequently diamonds - stud earrings, a jewel-encircled tennis bracelet or a solitaire pendant - push presents have become the posh way for new dads to compensate their partners for the agonies of childbirth.
In some circles, it has long been fashionable for a new mom to receive an heirloom-quality bauble. But as a full-blown phenomenon, the so-called push present is gaining more widespread acceptance as a symbol of devotion, second only in significance to the engagement ring.
And while predicting a baby's due date is never an exact science, there's social pressure for a push present to arrive on time.
After a 36-hour labour for her daughter, Jules, Michelle Halpern received a delicate white gold chain with pearl pendant and four diamonds.
"I expected one, and if Adam hadn't got me one, I might have been upset," Ms. Halpern, 35, said. "A push present says, 'I appreciate what you've given me, that your body was used as a vessel for this child.'
"Let's just say that a dinner out would not suffice as a push present for most people."
The phrase itself is perhaps tacky, with roots in the same tabloid mulch that birthed the term "bump watch." But just as ring-scouting fiancés might discuss the four Cs with their buddies, some dads-to-be also discuss potential push gifts among themselves.
"My husband experienced peer pressure, for sure, because all his friends had given their wives push presents," said Liana Bristol, 34, director of broadcast for Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment. She received one of Tiffany & Co.'s stackable diamond Celebration rings when she gave birth to her daughter three months ago.
"I was at a basketball game with my friends and all our husbands were talking about what they got their wives."
Push presents may be catching on in part because many modern men want to be part of the birth experience, just as they take paternity leaves and strap on baby slings. But when push comes to shove, most feel helpless.
"Maybe this is some men's response to the realization of the amazingly hard work women do to give birth - and how marginal they are to that process," said Bonnie Fox, a University of Toronto sociologist who has recently completed a study of first-time parents.
"One man was stunned by the realization that childbirth was not about him at all. He said, 'When she was going through labour I stood there and thought that this has nothing to do with guys' "
Some businesses are wising up to the untapped marketing opportunity. Toronto's go-to jeweller for serious flash, Mark Lash, is considering a series of radio advertisements for the coming year targeting push-gift buyers - but only if it can be done "tastefully," said his marketing consultant, Donna Grober.
"This is something men are doing on their own initiative, to show gratitude to their wives who are giving them the ultimate gift," Mr. Lash said. Just this month, he said, a customer bought a spectacular aquamarine and diamond ring for his wife who is expecting in March (aquamarines being March's birthstone).
Inevitably, some have-not moms get a pang of carat envy.
"It's definitely part of the culture among my friends," said Ms. Halpern, a teacher. "Among my colleagues, it's not common."
Indeed, Natasha Teoli, 37, only heard of the phenomenon through a childhood friend who'd received an expensive diamond ring.
Though both women grew up in Montreal's old-monied Westmount, Ms. Teoli now does mental-health advocacy work in Toronto.
Ms. Teoli, whose son is five months old, chose not to tell her husband about the trend. If you have to ask, it defeats the purpose, she said.
"I suppose a part of me is a bit envious, though it's not about 'I didn't get the diamond,' " she said. "I like the idea that it's an acknowledgment of the special circumstances I went through. I don't think the gift has to be a show of wealth, just forethought. It could be a poem or even a drawing."
Still, there are those who sigh about the whole "best in show" competitiveness that can sometimes sour the gesture's original sentiment.
"It's ridiculous and shallow," said Ms. Alonso, a lawyer in Toronto who gave birth five months ago. "Samuel is our present."
46
