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Sexy time

HAYLEY MICK

From Thursday's Globe and Mail

Latest comment posted at 3:45 AM EDT 06/03/08

A new study pegs the ideal duration for intercourse at seven to 13 minutes. But sex therapists say couples should keep the stopwatch out of the bedroom ...Read the full article

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  1. Joseph T from Victoria, Canada writes: Dang! I guess my time of 69 minutes and 6.9 seconds is way off base?
  2. Peter Walker from Calgary, Canada writes: IF a man - or woman - knows their partner intimately, and are aware of their needs and desires, things can go on for quite a while.
    However,
    IF the couple are just 'going through the motions' because they are bored with sex or do it just because !!!
    Then the quicker the better!!
  3. alpha scorpii from Vancouverr, Canada writes: Why wasn't there any option in the poll for 14-59 minutes? The intervals skip from 7-13 to 60 minutes! I'd say 30-45 minutes is perfect. :)
  4. tweety pie from London, Canada writes: It really depends on how you feel. For really great sex, you have to love the person you're with, then you never want it to end.
  5. Mark P from Saint John, NB, Canada writes: misleading poll--"A new study suggests 'good sex' should last 7-13 minutes. How long do you feel it should last? "

    Sex is much more than intercourse, especially 'good sex'.

    I also agree that the intervals are inadequate... but that's a frequent problem with these G&M polls.
  6. Christina Caldarelli from Canada writes: I find this study very strange, both conceptually and in the substance of the results.

    Who would think that you could find an "ideal" duration for sex by asking a few sex therapists? In fact, who could think you could find an ideal duration for sex at all? It varies so much by the individuals involved, their wants and needs at the time, how rested they feel, how recently they've had sex, whether they have any physical limitations, etc. that the whole concept of an "ideal" duration seems counterproductive.

    Plus, I'm having a lot of difficulty taking the results seriously. The best sex takes seven to thirteen minutes "plus a little foreplay"? Thirty minutes is "too long"? Hah. For some people under some circumstances, maybe. Not for everyone always, that's for sure.
  7. red marabunta from Barbados writes: Utter nonsense, second and third time round last progressively longer.
  8. CD W from Canada writes: So finding a motel room that rents by the hour is still okay?
  9. Keystone Provincial from NOT Winnipeg, Canada writes: Guess I'd better start training to break the 15-minute orgasm... Now how do you go about asking a fitness coach about that?
  10. Henry Allen from East Bank, Don River, Canada writes:
    From the 1979 movie, Love At First Bite, starring George Hamilton as Dracula and Susan Saint James as Cindy Sondheim.

    Cindy: "We can go to bed, maybe get in a little quickie."

    Dracula: "No. With you, never a quickie. Always a longie."
  11. Lemmy Nothor from Exiled in Barcelona, Spain writes:
    An entire life is not long enough.
  12. Sue City from Canada writes: The problem is that therapists in this article are defining sex as "intercourse". Wrong, wrong, wrong! Sex is the entire act, from turn on to tune out. The only mention of foreplay in the entire article is this: "a little foreplay". Since only half (maybe less?) of women get off on sex alone, you're immediately alienating a whole lot of gals. I say advocate 7-13 minutes of foreplay first! Then we'll talk...
  13. Chris Edwards from Greater Sudbury, Canada writes: This study is about as dumb as they come. (No pun intended.) It implies that vaginal penetration is the only proper measure of sexual pleasure.

    What about oral sex? What about women who can't climax from vaginal sex? What about different positions? They say a "little" foreplay - who the hell wrote this? Too many variables.

    This study tries to debunk some myths, but just feeds into the BIG myth that will always exist - prolonged thrusting by a guy will bring a woman an orgasm and lead to satisfying sex. Witness the guys up here bragging about their longevity. I bet half of them couldn't find a clitoris with a map.

    I'll spend as much time as is desired by my wife on whatever area she wants me to focus on. That could be her breasts, her clitoris, her knees or her ears. Or all of the above. That's up to her. That's good sex.

    Good sex is in your head (big, not the little!) Some of the best sex I have ever had never resulted in a penis entering a vagina at all.
  14. Rollo Tomasi from Belgium writes:

    Husband: How about a quickie?

    Wife: A quickie, as opposed to what?
  15. David K from Guelph, Canada writes: This article is missing the classic social science ending, "further study is necessary..."
  16. pants 7 from Japan writes: Well, those that can't, teach.
  17. Me in Ontario from Canada writes: I'm with you Sue City, at least 15-30 minutes of foreplay then we shall see about the rest. But then again, certain times of the month, I'm like "what play?"
    Ok, I just deleted a whole bunch of sentences here, my comments may not be posted so we'll keep it unrated. ;)
  18. Mike Sumners from Toronto, Canada writes: Al Gorman from Canada writes: "Oh well I always enjoyed not fitting into the box..."

    Um, you may want to reword that ;^)
  19. Lowen Wrainger from Canada writes: Time is moaney!
  20. Unabashed Opinion from Toronto, Canada writes: Do we really have to go back to Kinsey to understand the wide variations in Human Sexual Response? Are those who published the study so narrow-minded as to focus exclusively on heterosexual penetration and intercourse? And, "a little foreplay?"! Someone should inform the therapists that this is 2008, and not 1958 - the so-called foreplay can sometimes engage a loving couple for an entire evening of fun, stimulation and satisfaction.
  21. H M from Canada writes: There are days when it's more like "How soon can you get it over with?" and there are days when it's more like "You had better not be done yet, buddy!"
  22. I love Neon from Montreal, Canada writes: The other day my wife and I tried a viagra and I lasted 2 hours and a half!!!

    We both agreed that the extra half an hour was too much...
  23. D M from Canada writes: Sue City and Chris Edwards are completely right. Nothing further to add.
  24. Bill Needle from Canada writes: Ten minutes! Wow - I'm impressed. Although I rarely manage such a marathon I do not suffer from premature ejaculation.

    I'm always ready.
  25. Louise in Toronto from Canada writes: Arrrrggg. I'm with the others who said: Basic intercourse is not "SEX"! It's just one part of it. It drives me crazy that some people still think this.
  26. William Marcovitch from toronto, Canada writes: Seems they are defining the act of intercourse as the duration of the "in and out". Seems like a standard setpiece based on the erotic as depicted in the Baby Blue Friday nighter.
    Very mature stuff, this!!
    Track and field time stats that would be better debated on "the Fan".
  27. Chris Michaels from Oakville, Canada writes: My favourite part of this article was where it said the study found "women were incredibly complex"....then didn't really elaborate!!! Like that was enough said!

    Well, can't argue with that! Science is science, I guess.

    Besides, who bothers with conventional intercourse these days anymore. Sure, spend a minute or two on that, but then continue along with the tour. There's at least two more stops to make after that 'station' anyway!

    Better head back to the sports section where the more intelligent and thought provoking articles are found.
  28. globefan Eh from Canada writes: I wish the poll had a male/female compnent in the response...what is the betting less than five minute responders were ------?
  29. emilio D from Vancouver, Canada writes: Chrish Edward is the master. He should write a book on the subject.
  30. Craig Scott from Republic of Newfoundland, Canada writes: I am astounded, relations between men and women are supposed to be for procreation only, what is all this enjoyment all about?

    Next thing they will be telling us is that it is nutural for people that are not married to have those types of relations.

    God help us all!!
  31. globefan Eh from Canada writes: PS..I forgot to mention I love the Globe and Mail, the chances of this question appearing on the front page of a US newspaper are nil to nil. I believe it has something to do with repression, if you exclude California.
    Canada is a wonderful country for many reasons including the fact we still can say the word sex without getting a jail term.
  32. John Doucette from Manotick, Canada writes: Good for who?
  33. David any from No job at 50?, Canada writes: Do you smoke after sex?
    I don't know...I never looked.....
  34. typical conversative from Alberta from Canada writes: This article is a sin. The liberal propaganda machine makes sex ok and easy to talk about in the open. This is why everyone should be converted to Canadas founding religion (the right one) and we should stop making sex and same sex relationships ok. This is wrong and the Liberals are to blame for this. We all know Liberals are sheep and immoral beings.
  35. Go Oilers Go! from Canada writes: I think it is pretty presumptuous for scientists to assume everyone is the same.

    The perfect duration for sex is whatever works for you and your partner.

    Some people like a lot of foreplay; others don't. Each to their own.

    As long as you are content it really doesn't matter what some researcher says.
  36. Duh Work Farce Virtually Alive from Canada writes: Poppycock. Wake up and smell the commerciality. Another pop-psychology manipulation to fit in with the workaholic multitasking sleeplessness of our times. Fast food is a killer. And fast sex is no thriller. Corporate psychologists got you by the short and curlies.
  37. John Hinkley from Thornhill, ON, Canada writes: D M from Canada writes: Sue City and Chris Edwards are completely right. Nothing further to add.

    That's for sure! Great sex is so much more that just intercourse.

    At the right time and in the right place it can last forever (hours anyway).

    Also have to agree with the poster that wrote "Those that can't, teach." or words to that effect.
  38. Enjoying the snow in Ottawa from Canada writes: Hopefully some of you guys will stop the bragging about your ability to give us 2 hours of 'in and out'. Sorry...boring. I came 4 minutes in... for 60 seconds. And then again 6 minutes in. 'Cause the verbal and physical FOREPLAY was, oh so GOOD!

    I really wish I could last longer for you.....sorry baby.
  39. Pablum Picasso from Canada writes: Sex for the sake of conception should take no more than five minutes followed by forty-five minutes of devout prayer and ten minutes to wash ones genitals. Sex as recreational entertainment should be forbidden, it serves no purpose.
    Now enough of this pooh-pooh talk. What a man does in the privacy of his own garage is his business.
  40. Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: Sue City from Canada writes: "The problem is that therapists in this article are defining sex as "intercourse". Wrong, wrong, wrong! Sex is the entire act, from turn on to tune out."

    I thought they'd forgot the 3 1/2 days of begging!
  41. RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: @ CD W: I think the estimate is to maximize the utility of the hour motel room rental. Too long and they charge you an extra hour; too short and you get ripped off.
  42. Meaning or Happiness from Toronto, Canada writes: I prefer 5 hour sessions... where do I fit in?

    I got the time, the energy, the stamina.

    I think people need to make more time.

    Work less, commute less, shop less.

    Love more.
  43. hossein hajiagha from Victoria, Canada writes: looks some one delete and remove my comment , when I write I did not have any chance to date female in past 12 years in canada , should be rung If I ask please canadian women be friendly more to guy like me born in Muslims country, and do not rejecting me because my color or nationality, Is true may some one did not have sex and your question here also can be rung? and strange for me? women in Canada for what reason they are looks to me do not open and friendly to some man?
  44. Paul B from Vancouver, Canada writes: Does this include 'foreplay'?!?!
    Hmmm? I mean, a little non-intercourse massage can happen for 30 minutes easy...

    I'd say 1 hour ~ 2 hours for a relaxing experience.

    7 to 13 minutes? That's a drive through McDonald's sex.
  45. Mr. Roadrocket from Fantasyville-on-the-Rideau, Canada writes: 7-13 minutes?! Why do I always have to pay for the full hour?
  46. Hugh Draper from Canada writes: Bummer.
  47. MQ9 Reaper from Canada writes: Sheesh! 7 - 13 minutes?! I would be left feeling unfulfilled and dejected by any "encounter" that short. An entire sexual experience between a couple should be much more than just intercourse. If you count talking, playing, touching, teasing, kissing - it could go on for more than an hour or two. ...and then repeated.
  48. Dan P from Calgary, Canada writes: I think it's funny that everyone here is offended by the numbers presented by the researchers. If you read the article carefully, you could see that what they present is the average numbers given by the survey respondents (sex therapists, who presumably talk to many couples about this sort of thing). Thus, the researchers themselves haven't come up with any numbers. You could obviously question whether sex therapists are the best informed on the subject. Perhaps the real survey findings are that the best sex duration for people in need of sex therapy is 7-13 minutes. A larger survey of the public as a whole would, I imagine, probably be full of people with unrealistic ideas about themselves, bragging, and other misconceptions. In other words, I reckon it actually is more representative to ask a third party (such as the therapists) than to ask people what they actually prefer.
    FWIW, I also agree that "sex" is poorly defined in the article (foreplay, oral, other games, etc.). Saying 7-13 minutes from the moment you touch the other person is very different than saying 7-13 minutes of working on bringing yourself/the other person to orgasm, which may also be different than 7-13 minutes of penetration.
  49. Hydrogen Bob from Toronto, Canada writes: Again "a one size fits" all study for a very complex and personal subject. And by personal I don't mean private, I mean something that uniquely applies to a couple. If the experts can publish such nonsense, then I definitely can express my opinion too! First of all, as many posters have stated, sex is not just intercourse it is start to finish. When you are just dating it can go on for hours. When you are married with young kids, great sex still happens occasionaly, and the duration suits the purpose. There are quickies and sweet goodnights that may not last that long and keep everyone happy. But occasionally there is the 30 - 45 minute experience that can push the boundaries and stir the soul. More than 45 minutes? Sorry no time, even on vacation!
  50. Mister J from Canada writes: so they give us measured time frame that they is 'best' but then immediately say it depends on the people... wha?! This is beyond idiocy.
    Seriously, if this article wasn't about sex, it wouldn't exist.
  51. Rosehill Avenue from Toronto, Canada writes: Hey isnt there some kind of microwave dinner commercial that shows a woman putting in her gourmet dinner for 2-3 mins, going to the bedroom to see her man, then coming back just in time to hear the "ding" of the micowave ?
  52. Chris Edwards from Greater Sudbury, Canada writes: Now, had they substituted "masturbation" for "intercourse", they may be on to something. For that, I'd say 7-13 minutes is about perfect.
  53. F H from Ottawa, Canada writes: That amount of time is adequate but I'm not someone who's content with adequate when stupendous is an attainable goal.

    It's SO much better when the body has been given to time to build up a really big head of steam to ... er ... release. Ka pow!!!

    Yay for reaching my sexual peak as a woman of 44! My mother (age 65) tells me that she'll let me know when the peak stops just as soon as it happens to her, lol.
  54. JM Work from Canada writes: How long is the average Leafs game, whistle to whistle?
  55. J S from Toronto, Canada writes: I've always known I had a problem with stamina but 20 minutes? That's it??
  56. Gord Lewis from Canada writes: " . . . the loneliness of the long distance runner . . . "

    I don't feel so lonely any more!
  57. Larry Hill from Canada writes: JM Work from Canada writes: How long is the average Leafs game, whistle to whistle?

    Do you mean how long they play? Or how long the Leafs are actually in it?
  58. brian bishop from Brantford, Canada writes: I think the researchers missed the boat on this one, there's "sex" & then there's "making love"!

    I agree though "sex", good hard core, fast paced sex should only require a few minutes.

    "Making love" on the other hand can & should go on for hours!

    If you disappear during a party with a partner, your going to have "sex"

    If you book a room for the night, you better be "making love" or why bother!
  59. Duh Work Farce Virtually Alive from Canada writes: Big Brother's Orwellian Anti-Sex League is hard at work. Nowadays it's called psychiatric social working sex therapists. If your sex life has disappeared down the memory hole in the Ministry of Mental Health Resources and Employment, it's all doubleplusgood for the benefit of the State. Remember: If you have erectile dysfunction grow your penis; if you have electile dysfunction grow the economy; but it's later than you think and time spent away from your three jobs in unneccesary sexual dallying is stolen time from Big Brother and can never be recovered.
  60. stan bink from Tee Dot, Canada writes: The first time that I had sex, I was scared... and alone.
  61. Velma from Burlington from Canada writes: There is a difference between sex and making love. At times, a good quickie (5 to 10 minutes of actual touching and intercourse) is a great stress reliever. At other times, when we have the time, foreplay ranging from caresses, glances and suggestive comments can last up to several hours, followed by a slow-building physical interaction that culminates so to speak in great sex. It all depends on the people involved, and the circumstances.
  62. Chuck the Canuk from snowville, Canada writes: Hmmm. The study didn't say whether foreplay was included in this time or if it was just the act of intercourse itself. Am I allowed to say that word in the G&M comments? Seems a lot of my other comments never make it. Seems these so called researchers are just going for headlines and not a serious attempt at finding answers. Answers to this question which are impossible to come by, by the way. The answer is: there is no answer. Every couple, every individual, and a million other componants make sex what it is. Sometimes a 2 minute quickie is extremely satisfying, while at times, a 60 minute foreplay sweat filled romp is just plain uninspiring. What matters, is if everyone is happy, satisfied, and smooshy when it is all over. That warm fuzzy feeling that is so elusive. LOL.
  63. Open Mike from Canada writes: Gives a new resonance to the phrase, '....and half an hour later in Newfoundland...'
  64. No Name from Vancouver, Canada writes: They got it all wrong. The reason why there's an apparent range or variation is because they are not controlling for the actual number of unique thrust events. Try counting them out loud with your partner over the course of several sessions, using a different thrust event frequency each time, and you'll soon discover there's a mathematical constant, like pi or the golden mean... Sexual satisfaction as a direct function of time? Pfft. And they call themselves researchers?
  65. No Name from Vancouver, Canada writes: Or it could be a function of how far a penis travels... A direct function of distance? Hmmm. I'm going to have change my penis size somehow to test this new theory. Can I get a grant, please?
  66. The Bell Curve from Canada writes: I'd like to see the funding sources for this research. Seems to me that it indirectly criticises the use of Viagra - not having used it I may be out on a limb here - a long limb. But the implication seems to be it is not required. Could be wrong though.

    Also Chris Michaels from Oakville, Canada writes: . Besides, who bothers with conventional intercourse these days anymore. Sure, spend a minute or two on that, but then continue along with the tour. There's at least two more stops to make after that 'station' anyway!

    details please? how is this correlated with endurance the topic of the article?
  67. Eric the Red from Uzbekistan writes: " Joseph T from Victoria, Canada writes: Dang! I guess my time of 69 minutes and 6.9 seconds is way off base?"

    Hairy palms anyone? How's your vision?
  68. Anger Equals Danger from NW, Canada writes: “What we found in our research is that women, in particular, are incredibly complex,&8221;

    No kidding, Sherlock.
  69. N L from Canada writes:

    The study was not about how long sex should last, but how long intercourse should last.

    The study looked at ideal time for "intercourse". The media reports, headlines, and most posters have extrapolated "intercourse" with "sex". Intercourse is not "sex". It's one of the ways to have sex.

    Fail grade for the G&M copy desk on this one, just for a start.
  70. Stiff Stifferson from Canada writes: There is no discussion of lesbian sex which for scientific purposes should be the benchmark for any assessment like this - when I was a student studying in Montreal the couple who lived in the apartment above me were capable of going it at at great lengths and all night. The very vocal caterwauling was robust, loud and extremely invigorating for a young mind unaccustomed to the bohemian ways of Montréal’s steamier side.
  71. Jim Townsend from Sault Ste. Marie, Canada writes: Before I was married, to "know" a woman was my goal. Then for the past fifty years, sharing loving moments and being intimate and close to my wife daily was my favorite pastime. From experience I can say such intimacy almost always resulted in pleasure that could not be calculated or timed. To judge what is normal by the time spent indicates to me that the element of true love takes second place.
  72. larry hallatt from Canada writes: Willing buyer willing seller the poartners determine the value of their time
  73. mary wells from Canada writes: "Get it up.........get it in.............get it out.........dont mess my hairdooooooooooooo"
  74. Swordfish Trombones from Canada writes: mary wells from Canada writes: "Get it up.........get it in.............get it out.........dont mess my hairdooooooooooooo"

    That would definitely fall on the short end of their time scale

    1 minute tops
  75. larry hallatt from Canada writes: Swordfish I think you and Mary again are talking about the Toronto Maple Flavoured Leafs! They don't spend that much time in the game. Too bad years ago Hamiliton should have had the Nordicques or Jets., a little more sex close to home would have gotten Toronto off its fat ass. Lets hope RIM builds a new stadium in Cambridge and puts into play a new team serviing fans from London, KW, Guelph, Hamiliton, Niagara. We miss real old time Hockey Night in Canada with a real knowledgeable commentators....like they used to have around the ESSO Hot stove....and that sure as H ....is not Don Pear with his striped suit and ugly dog. .

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