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Generation Ex

Emotional infidelity – it's worse

SARAH HAMPSON

From Thursday's Globe and Mail

Latest comment posted at 3:55 PM EDT 20/03/08

Meaningless sex: 'Far easier for the wife to get over it than if she thinks her husband is in love with another person' ...Read the full article

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  1. Bert Russell Paradox, BC from Canada writes: 'Meaningless sex' Sarah Hampson is an expert on things such as meaningless sex? What degree would one have to be able to declare 'that was meaningless sex ... not mindless sex but meaningless sex. In whose mind is it meaningless?? Has our Supreme Court ruled on ms?? Or has some Activist Judge ruled and we now have case law on meaningless sex. So say a wife had indulged in ms and the judge has ruled the act meaningless??? Maybe this is a new Buzz word - Oh I had meaningless sex with my neighbor last nite!
    Sorry but I can't get my mind around this: Is Ms Hampson an expert or an
    apologist for the act or doing some social engineering.
  2. Diane Schweik from EDMONTON, Canada writes: .

    The real concern for this wife should be that he apparently tried to get the hookers to not use a condom.A prize idiot.
  3. Rollo Tomasi from Tango, Belgium writes: Diane Schweik from EDMONTON, Canada writes: .

    The real concern for this wife should be that he apparently tried to get the hookers to not use a condom.A prize idiot.
    --------------

    Normally the john uses the condom. Unique experience indeed.
  4. Brian Havelock from Winnipeg, Canada writes: It would seem to me that Mr. Spitzer may have let one head get the better of the other to satisfy a need he had. Moralizing over his conduct misses the point of this article the main thesis of which suggests emotional infidelity might be more damaging than some guy lining up a hooker and receiving some recreational sex.

    It's really up the the family to reconcile these events and decide how to move forward from this particular crisis.
  5. El Christador from Canada writes: Well, according to sociologist Sudhir Venkatesh over at Slate, http://www.slate.com/id/2186491/nav/tap3/ , customers of high end prostitutes are often not looking for sex. He writes 'What high-end clients pay for may surprise you. For example, according to my ongoing interviews of several hundred sex workers, approximately 40 percent of trades in New York's sex economy fail to include a physical act beyond light petting or kissing. No intercourse, no oral stimulation, etc. That's one helluva conversation. But it's what many clients want.'

    Except that in this case she was a $1000 per hour prostitute, which is, it seems, pretty low-end, not high-end. Wal-Mart, not Saks.
  6. west slope from Greater Vancouver, Canada writes:
    'Tis a nice break from contemplating the human misery of Canadian-supported western colonialism in the Mid-East.

    Aerial bombing innocent peasants and workers: Most morally acceptable.

    Denying democratic outcomes: Most morally acceptable.

    Triste with a prostitute: Immoral.
  7. Marc Gabel from Toronto, Canada writes: 'Mr. Neuman, a husband and father of five.' comments in the article;
    'What people need to understand is that we only have so much emotional energy, and the more emotional energy put outside the marriage, the less emotional energy we have within our marriage. It's a simple equation.' If it is a finite amount of emotional energy and a 'simple equation' then is he diluting his marriage having to divide his emotional energy among 6 people? Utter nonsense that. Mr Neuman has written one of those simplistic sound bite books that have no relationship to reality. Poor source to use in an article on a matter so meaningful
  8. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: . . . can't wait for the spate of movies on the LIFETIME CHANNEL with, uh, 'similar' plot lines to the Spitzer stuff.

    No, REALLY. I canNOT wait. NONE of us Sensitive Guys can.
  9. robert quinn from Japan writes: If El Christador is correct, west slope from Vancouver, then perhaps you meant to write that having a Triscuit with a prostitute was immoral. Or visiting Trieste with a pro is immoral. However sincere, posts that are ripe with sloppy diction, spelling misteaks, IN HIGH DUDGEON upper case frenzy and other error, tends to undermine one point.
  10. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: robert quinn: . . . You is so right.
  11. Rodger Harding from Canada writes: An excellent insight!

    All humans have different requirements, especially on an emotional level...Looking for satisfaction oftentimes comes at a great price...

    In western society, emotional intimacy is perhaps fast becoming a rarity or, dare I say, an almost ridiculed notion that people 'have little time for'?

    Regarding the sexually unfaithfull...let those of us without fault (including fantasy) cast the first stone....!!
  12. Dan Green from Palm Beach Gardens Florida, United States writes: Better this than the maid, or nannie. Who cares about his private life. Point about all this is, the hypoxricy of his efforts in the past. He chased white collar (cronies), criminals, he must have picked up some hints, on how to launder cash. Where did all the disposable income appear from, if in fact this was going on, for a long time. This is not like spending the allowance, the wife dishes out, for a couple of beers with the guys. This is a tried and proven Lawyer, practicing what he learned in law school, and on the street. He had to know, Jersey is much cheaper, than either Manhatten, or Washington. Harvard just has to start turning out smarter Lawyers, this is a disgrace. He should have conferred with Bill. Big question is these Governors go knowhere without a state tropper bodyguards. They were always at Bills side in Arkansas. Jennifer can attest to that.
  13. Ken DeLuca from Arnprior, Canada writes: Joni Mitchell wrote, ' Love is touching souls...' Less meaning comes from touching flesh when the emotional/spiritual trumps the carnal. And it does in all but the most superficial relationships. For a man ( sometimes but less frequently a woman ) who calls lust love, sexual infedelity will be paramount. For a woman ( less frequently a man ) who commits herself in a relationship, sexual infedelity is a slap in the dace but emotional betrayal is a dagger to the heart.

    Mars, Venus
    There's lots between us.
    How you interpret the word 'between'
    Makes a difference in what you mean.
  14. Albin Forone from Toronto, Canada writes: I have been working hard at this for several months, and am now proud to say I have awarded my own credential as S.B.A. The 'A' references spheres of credible comment 'Authority', 'Artist', or more liberally 'As Required.' The S.B. is for 'Sound Byte.'
  15. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: Dan Green from Palm Beach Gardens Florida, United States . . . You're right about Harvard. Christian Republican Dan Vitter (R-Je susland . . . actually: 'Louisiana') went to Tulane Law School (not nearly as prestigious as Harvard, obviously). He did what Spitzer did, yet is still in office, and there is NO pressure on him to resign; his Republican colleagues stoutly defended him despite the fact that he got caught. Do you think that the whole 'law school thing' explains this ?

    BTW, even though Vitter admitted hiring prostitutes, he has never been prosecuted. Is there something magical about going to Tulane Law School ? Or is it . . . maybe . . . ?
  16. Dawn from Minnesota from United States writes: I don't understand why emotional infidelity is being written about in relation to Spitzer's relationship with a prostitute. It is a fact that there was a physical relationship. As to how much of his relationship with Kristin was emotional, who knows? After all, he was living a lie by having the relationship. Emotional relationships that are not physical can be very damaging and hard to find out about. If a spouse has his/her real heart-to-heart talks with a co-worker or with someone at the bar, the emotional infidelity may go on for years and never be detected. The marriage will can last, but it will be routine and mechanical. Office relationships can result in emotional infidelity without either party desiring that outcome. The most obvious warning sign is when a co-worker wants to discuss his/her uninteresting marriage frequently and at length. Unless the subject battering (spousal abuse), I refuse to get into those discussions.
  17. Tesla black from portage, Canada writes: Sarah quotes the book When Good People Have Affairs which states 'Women are more likely than men to have emotional affairs'. Who are they having the affairs with, other women? Or do the men in these 'emotional affairs' have emotional affairs with several women at a time? That is unlikely isn't it? Unless author Mira Kirshenbaum is referring to lesbian relationships her comment cannot be correct. Or maybe it is just the man who is having sex in these 'emotional affair relationships'. That would certainly qualify as meaningless sex now wouldn't it?
  18. Tesla black from portage, Canada writes: Meaningless sex can and often does exist within marraiges. Just because one is married to the person does not make the sexual experience meaningful. When ones sexual experiences with ones spouse are emotionally void for several years one may not consider meaningless sex outside of the marraige as an affront to the marraige.
    I think men feel the same way as women on the issue of emotional affairs.
    An outside emotional attachment is a threat to the marraige and the security and well being it provides. It is the emotional not sexual aspect of a relationship that drives people to making commitment, the underpinning of love and marraige. This type of external relationship, by either spouse, is a more serious threat than meaningless sex. And both sexes know it and fear it. There is no gender prejudice when it comes to this.

    One more thing, please no more Venus and Mars takes. Come on now haven't we moved past those limited, biased views?
  19. Sue City from Canada writes: I'm sorry, but an intimate weekly email exchange vs. regular sex with a high-paid prostitute are not comparible in this case (or any other, really).

    Her husband is a public figure and has many "enemies". As a result, this poor woman will face real public humiliation, of the likes that most woman with cheating husbands would never experience - the ridicule of the media, the late night talk show hosts, people on the street... I feel for her.

    And, why assume that she would stay with him despite his infidelity? Just because Clinton did it, doesn't mean she will.
  20. Clive Gingell from Canada writes: The pressure on Spitzer to resign is because he apparently repeatedly used taxpayers money to fly down to visit the hooker, and was accompanied on the flight by two State Troopers and two aides, also paid for by taxpayers.

    There are other possible charges related to this story, including manipulating bank withdrawals to avoid federal reporting.
  21. B to the A to the R to the T from the left coast, Canada writes: Note to political wives. Do not wear a pearl necklace to the press event where your husband admits to infadelity.
  22. Marc S from Canada writes: Incredible.............how many " sex experts" are suddenly turning up on every channel.......ONE guy went to a hooker..........let's get over it boys and girls !! Nobody died.......last time I checked. Why are American media SOOOOOOO infatuated with sex ???? THe country is fighting 2 wars.......4000 young kids dead.......over 30,000 maimed or injured .............47 million people do NOT have health care......10 million people in default of their mortgages........record oil prices......record deficit's..........the President deciding at will WHICH laws he is required to follow.......... and what' on the news cycle ?????Eliot Spitzer..........please.......
  23. Ilove Spain from Ottawa, Canada writes: Haha...well said Marc S! I agree with you completely!!! Pff....sensationalism at its best!
  24. Hugh Draper from Vancouver, Canada writes: Psychotherapy mumbo jumbo.
  25. Deas, She Wrote from New York, United States writes: Friend of a friend of a friend was a high-class hooker. Evidently she was as much a performance artist - clients liked costumes, storylines, singing, etc.!

    A lot of people here are shocked and very disappointed, if not heartbroken. His whole persona was Mr. Straight Arrow, AND he busted several prostitution rings, as well as white-collar criminals. His wife is not the only one he betrayed.

    Question is - how come the Republican-controlled FBI went after a rising Democratic politico? Coincidence? Too bad he was so bull-headed and alienated so many people - maybe someone would have tipped him off in time to save his career.
  26. Dalton Graham from Canada writes: America loves this stuff. The media will feed on Spitzer's downfall for days or weeks. Even juicier is the young lady involved in part in Spitzer’s downfall has come forward. How long do you think it will be before Ms Dupre appears on some talk show with all the nasty details?
  27. L Harder from Canada writes: Neuman sounds like an idiot. The emotional lives of people are complex. Perhaps it is the concept of marriage that needs rethinking.
  28. J Lee from North Vancouver, Canada writes: B to the A to the R to the T from the left coast, Canada has a wonderfully funny typo: infadelity.
  29. al goguen from victoria, Canada writes: I was wishing and hoping that the wife would just split in the middle of his speech and left him there alone. I think he would have fainted.
    He needs a mother next to him, well, she should do like mother bird, kick his butt out of their expensive nest.
    I feel sorry for the three teenagers - we all know how kids can be cruel, and I am sure these girls are hearing gossips and a few remarks. He has ruined his family. He should spend time in rehab behind bars for 7 years.
  30. Dawn from Minnesota from United States writes: Marc S from Canada, I agree with you 100%. I think that my country is still dealing with its Puritanical heritage. Anything that is taboo for a long time has to be processed out.
  31. Wandering Willy from Victoria, Canada writes: "Woman who put husband in doghouse, soon find him in cathouse"

    The next time you say no to your husband/wife/partner take a second to wonder if they are getting the yes somewhere else. Just saying

    Prime example of people continuing to confuse love with sex. The two are exclusive.
  32. Deas, She Wrote from New York, United States writes: "..should have split from the interview and left him there..."

    LOL! That's a great idea!

    Several news shows have in fact shown montages of all the wives "standing by their man" in all these recent scandals. The BBC even played Tammy Wynette underneath....
  33. m a from Toronto, Canada writes: I concede the difference between a physical and emotional affair, but why is everyone equating "one night stand" with "hiring a prostitute"? In my mind they are worlds apart.

    I might be able to get over it if my husband had a one night stand, but my marriage would be OVER if he ever hired a prostitute. Mainly because if he is able to objectify any woman so much that he would pay her for sex, then he is not a man I want to be with. Prostitution is not a victimless crime and contributing to this underground world of organized crime, where women are abused, bought and sold on a regular basis is much more upsetting to me than infidelity.

    I do support the legalization of prostitution because I think that would mitigate some of the worst abuses from pimps, but still, it's not an industry I want to support. As long as there is demand, there will be supply and women will be treated like products. Which makes the world a sicker place.
  34. Sean L. from Toronto, Canada writes: Maybe he can run on Hillary's ticket as VP - sounds like he will have lots of similar experinces to talk with Bill about while Hillary is busy enacting her protectionist antifree trade legislation.
  35. Lee Turner from Canada writes: Yes, but all this Politician sex scandal talk nicely distracts everyone from the real problems. Let us all level our prurient fury and vitirol at a single, realtively tame incident all the while blissfully ignoring far greater immoral acts such as indescriminantly bombing foreign countries, turning our backs to the homeless and starving, and shutting our eyes to torture. But yes, let's all have a round of solid condemnation about a politician and a prostitute, pat each other on the back for a job well done before returning to our reality show fueled ignorant existance.
  36. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: I just read that Sil was raised as a Baptist and went to a small Baptist college. She then went to Harvard and married a fellow Harvard Law student named Stamos and that marriage lasted 29 days. What was that about? She then married Spitzer 5 years later. I feel sorry for Sil up to a point. But I speculate that her upbringing and college experience left her sexually innocent and inexperienced. Her first marriage which lasted for 29 days was probably her first experience in the sack. Then she goes to Wall Street and becomes a high-powered corporate attorney. She meets Spitzer who is also hard-driven, intelligent, but very nebbishy and geeky type of guy who also appears has had little sexual experience. There may be have been love in the relationship. They have 3 children together. She obviously supported his ambitious political career. But I speculate that among the politicking, attorney general crusading, the children, the whole New York social/political scene, there was not a lot of sexual and physical intimacy. Either sex with Elliot was not important or sex with Sil was not important. Bottom line, they were lousy in the sack together. I suspect Sil knew, like Hillary knew and knows, that her man was getting a lot of sex on the side. I hate to break this to you, women. Guys think about sex every minute of the day. They want sex a minimum of 3 times a week. The good guys, ( of which I include myself) would ideally love to have great sex with their wives. But if the sex is lousy, and the sex could be lousy for hundreds of reasons, then both good and bad guys will look outside the marriage. Elliot has been using hookers for years. This is no surprise to Sil. This was no surprise to Hillary. That is the Faustian bargain political wives make. and Sil made. Husbands want their wives to be whores and porno stars in the sack. If you and your husband are not having sex 3 or 4 times a week, the marriage is in trouble.
  37. Diane Schweik from EDMONTON, Canada writes: .

    Rollo Tomasi

    Yes,I did not phrase it very well.However,female condoms have been around since the 1990s.
  38. Go Oilers Go! from Canada writes: Sam Sanders from Toronto:

    You make a whole lot of assumptions and pretty much nothing you said is based on fact.
  39. J M from Canada writes: As someone who found a bunch of emails with amorous content between my ex and another woman, I can definitely say that it had a far worse effect than if he had just hoopla-ed for one night with a stranger.
    A rogue sexual encounter is far more (potentially) forgiveable than a series of letters/emails professing love for another. And though he refused to term it an "affair", which I termed it as, it was certainly a betrayal that involved diverting considerable attention from our relationship to attempting to form another one simultaneously.
    End of story? End of relationship. Phew.
  40. RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: @ m a from Toronto: not a victimless crime? Who's the victim here, the girl who got $1000/hr and is going to make tens of not hundreds of thousands more, or the guy who paid $1000/hr, got his reputation destroyed and possibly put his marriage in jeopardy?

    Hate to be the one to give you the bad news, but prostitution has been around since the beginning of mankind. "Demand" as you put it, has always been here, and will always be here. This is not about objectifying. For example, there are gigolos too. Is hiring a plumber objectifying? Last time I checked you are paying someone for a service.

    I agree that human trafficking/pimps are not desirable, but I think it's pretty clear here that this lady did it of her own free will. She works a couple hours a month and spends the rest of her time relaxing and pursuing her music career, who's the victim again?
  41. Go Oilers Go! from Canada writes: It always amazes me how many seem to think that society's leaders or recognizable citizens are somehow immune to the trials and tribulations 'normal' people face.

    Infidelity rates hover around 50%; which oddly mimics divorce rates. At one point in time men were primarily the cheaters. That is no longer the case. As women have increased their involvement in the work force they have proven they too cheat and cheat often.

    I am curious when it might dawn on people that humans might not be biologically wired to be monogamous for 50 years.
  42. Go Oilers Go! from Canada writes: Marc S from Canada writes: "Why are American media SOOOOOOO infatuated with sex ????"

    I don't think most Americans are.

    It's just that the bible thumpers make a lot of noise.

    For example Janet Jackson's infamous wardrobe malfunction during the SuperBowl halftime show.

    The media would have you believe there was an outcry from the public.

    In reality the vast majority of complaints originated from the Parents' Television Council and another Family Values special interest group.

    It's also worth noting that most of the complaints were from people who didn't actually see the show.
  43. Fed Up from Halifax, Canada writes: Silda would have been far better off if Spitzer had a full blown affair vs. hiring prostitutes. Politicos and hacks alike would have turned a blind eye to his dalliances, the same as they always have, and all would have been hush-hush, and for them to sort out between themselves.

    Instead, with his recklessness, he has brought a far greater degree of public humiliation on his wife, and his three girls.

    With everything I've read about the type of man Spitzer is--arrogant, dogged in his prosecution of other, easy to make enemies, little regard for others--I'm not surprised that Spitzer opted for a hooker instead of a mistress. I think it has less to do with love and devotion to his wife and family, than it does with his inability to be concerned about anyone but himself, and what he wants at any given moment.
  44. Rollo Tomasi from Tango, Belgium writes: Diane Schweik from EDMONTON, Canada writes: Yes,I did not phrase it very well.However,female condoms have been around since the 1990s.
    -----------------------------

    True. As I understand it, prostitutes use their mouths to put the condom on the john. I do agree with you though, only a fool would ride a whore bareback.
  45. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Go Oilers Go!

    Reliable reports indicate that Spitzer paid over $80,000 for hookers. He has been frequenting hookers for years, way before he was governor.
    He is an ambitious, aggressive Alpha male. He works a minimum 12-15 hours a day. Yet he had time for over 30-40 trysts in the last 2 years. I wonder if Triscuits were involved.
    Even if Spitzer was 100% faithful, he did not have much time for the sack with Sil. With over 30 trysts under his belt, he had less sack time with Sil.
    You mean to tell me that after 20 years, Sil did not know that Spitzer was getting sex on the side? Of course she did.
    I'm impressed that Sil was a Harvard Law grad and a very successful attorney. Those are very attractive qualities. She probably is a great mother and great supporter of her husband.She is probably his political and intellectual equal.
    Unfortunately, that is not enough.
    Don't forget the sexual part of the relationship.
    Without the sex, you are just two lonely ships passing in the night.
    Without sex with your husband, you will get Spitzered.
    Go Leafs Go!
  46. bertus goedhart from tobermory, Canada writes: ofcourse Mr Spitzer should have stayed at home and not go alley catting but Mrs Spitzer did not know about it?Remember, this had been going on for quite some time and I have been led to believe by the media that she is a very smart woman.mmmmmmh. Could she have known about it and condoned it secretly,giving her restful nights and at the same time privleges? All of this ofcourse is pure speculation and is food for the brain to be kept busy with spicy stories to be exchanged over coffee with others. The caption of an article I read sometime ago, written by a woman, "No sex and he is your ex" In this article this woman spelled it out correctly and wise people would take note of what this woman wrote. Man was and still is a hunter, pussycats were sitting there waiting to be chased and caught.Now a majority of female felines are no longer content and waiting to be chased and caught, for them the hunt is on and there are many easy spoils to be had and as easily discarded. The old saying, where there is smoke there will be fire. Back to Mr Spitzer, because of his high profile as a public servant and because of his hypocritical stand and moralistic attitude, this story finally came out into the open, ruined a person's career,brought shame on himself and his family but the callgirl and escort service involved are getting free publicity and many more men will fill the void left behind by # 9 Also the public at large have had and are having a whale of a time with this tittelating,scandalous story. Let us not forget that we all at one time or another have been both, food and feeders for and off the bottom. Forgiveness is still one of the noblest, healing deeds we can offer our fellow wanderers on this planet.
  47. john chuckman from Canada writes: The worst thing about this matter is summed up by the picture featured on the front page of the Globe.

    This man could stand alone to discuss his behavior.

    He had to drag his wife up to the podium - twice - to stand beside him.

    Look at the picture. Hers is the face of abuse.

    By this one act, Spitzer reveals himself as a true coward.
  48. ANNE EDWARDS from Canada writes: lol...Marc S, you rock! Some of these comments are hilarious, but very true....you guys all cheered me up. Good to know there are people with brains out there! Very refreshing reading...made my day.
    The comments make more sense than the article...lol
    I was wondering who that lady was standing beside him, didn't think it was his wife....sigh
    This is life....everything is possible....let him who has never been at fault cast the first rock.....it's just another peek through the cracks of our frail humanity.
  49. brokeback mountain from toronto, Canada writes: people, get over it, he was horny, his wife couldn't satisfy him, that's why it was ok with his wife..judging by her reaction, she obviously gave him the permission, so she was not surprised
  50. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: John Chuckman: I totally agree.
    Even if Sil wanted to stand by her man, Spitzer should have had the balls and class and courage, to say to Sil," that I am responsible for humiliating myself and you and our family, you should not have to be dragged into this any further. I will face the public myself. You have been hurt enough."

    Spitzer dragged poor Sil, not once but twice on the stage for the public shaming.
    Lesson for all you politicians, caught with your pants around your ankles, with male or female hookers or male or female lovers.
    Leave your spouse at home. Face your public humiliation like a man, not like a whiny momma's boy.

    Go Leafs Go!
  51. ANNE EDWARDS from Canada writes: Re: "Without sex with your husband, you will get Spitzered."

    Sam Sanders, that was clever.....maybe "Spritzered" will be a new word for 2008!
  52. Cameron Reid from Toronto, Canada writes: Emotional intimacy? WTF? Honestly I could care less if a GF has a deep and meaningful platonic relationship with a male friend.

    It's when I catch her with his d*ck in her mouth that we'd have an issue.
  53. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Thank you, Ann Edwards:

    I find you particularly charming and clever as well.
    I must warn you, that I am not sexually or emotionally available, yet.
    However, if you throw a few more complimenary emails my way, who knows?

  54. Nature Lover from Two Hills, Canada writes: After all, in her husband's infidelity, it wasn't his heart he unzipped. It was just his fly.
    ------------------------------

    And his career, and their social circle, and all the "wife of" perks. This is not about love or lust, it is about the undoing of a whole way of life. People don't get over such cataclysmic upheaval too easily, well except Hill and Bill. So maybe Sil will run for governor and make it all right.
  55. Rollo Tomasi from Tango, Belgium writes: John Chuckman, I disagree. Standing there with his wife would take way more guts, and I bet she wouldn't have had it any other way.
  56. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: People! This is the Globe and Mail!
    Canada's Moral Compass. Let us all get our mouths out of the Gutter.

    Cameron Reid:
    I'm with you, brother. By the way, your GF sounds hot, does she have any friends with her similar proclivities?
    My GF barely has a nodding acquaintance with my member.
  57. Interest from the West from Canada writes: Sam Sanders from Toronto: What a load of speculative rubbish. Justification for why a "good" guy like you puts the screws to his wife in every way, not just physically?

    Don't flatter yourself, you're not one of the good ones.
  58. Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: Dan Green from Palm Beach Gardens Florida, United States "Christian Republican Dan Vitter .......... did what Spitzer did, yet is still in office, and there is NO pressure on him to resign; his Republican colleagues stoutly defended him despite the fact that he got caught. Do you think that the whole 'law school thing' explains this ?"

    Hardly. If the Republicans allowed such things to lead to resignation, the vast majority of these scumbags would be looking for a job.
  59. Marc S from Canada writes: Thanks............just thought some of the REAL news was getting a liitle lost out there, that's all ! lol
  60. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Interest from the West:

    I am not sure if I am one of the good ones. But this time around, I am one of the lucky ones.

    Actually my second wife and I ( I am her second husband), we have both learned from previous mistakes.

    To date we are still involved in a very loving, intimate relationship.
    In other words, she rocks my world frequently every week.
    I have no interest in straying sexually or emotionally.
    (Does engaging in a private chat with Anne Edwards from Canada count?)
    I think my wife feels the same way.
    Though I wonder why our pool boy Miguel is hanging around the house in the middle of March, when we closed the pool in Sept?

    Maybe I am being Spitzered? Who knew?
  61. Diane Schweik from EDMONTON, Canada writes: .

    Rollo Tomasi

    I bow to your greater knowledge and experience in these matters.No doubt acquired near the Nord station !
  62. Katherine Kanczuga from Toronto, Canada writes: Lets start with questioning some fundamental assumptions on which this article is based...Since when has sex become an activity that is so completely devoid of any emotional intimacy/connection that we can freewheelingly make comments such as "he only unzipped his jeans, not his heart"? how has an activity that is fundamentally so intimate (to extent that we expose some of the most vulnerable aspects of the self to another during its occurence) and intricate become reduced to recreation (.i.e should I go biking or rollerblading today?)

    I agree that emotional infidelity is and might be worse than sexual infidelity, but the author seems to be justifying the latter vis a vis the former. However, the reality remains that we as a society need to start questioning the media's tendency to reduce sex to an empty, no strings attached, just like having another glass of OJ-like activity....(if justification is even necessary....for the sake of STD control at a minimum, but how about we as a depression and crime ladden (clearly ill) society shoot for something that surpasses knicking the minimum bar for once, and atleast give our offspring a chance at psychological health.
  63. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: Is it too late for Spitzer to change to the Republican Party ? That way, he can get away with it (ask US Sen. David Vitter).
  64. Interest from the West from Canada writes: Sam Sanders from Toronto: So the line "My GF barely has a nodding acquaintance with my member." was just a load of crap, like a lot of the "opinions" that get aired here?

    Sorry, you're still not out of the Bad Dog Box.
  65. Rollo Tomasi from Tango, Belgium writes: Diane Schweik from EDMONTON, Canada writes: I bow to your greater knowledge and experience in these matters.No doubt acquired near the Nord station !
    ------------------------

    Close, Jasper Avenue.
  66. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Katherine Kanczuga from Toronto:

    If the sex is bad between two people, is it because there is no intimacy/connection?
    If there is a foundation of trust, intimacy/connection and love and the sex is still bad, what is the problem?

    Can you have intimacy/connection and no sexual attraction?

    Is intimacy/connection a condition precedent for great sex?
    Or is sexual attraction a condition precedent for great sex?

    Isn't it possible to have great sex with someone where there is great sexual attraction, but little intimacy/connection?

  67. Woman of Reason from London, UK, Canada writes: If Spitzer had been involved in 'an emotional' affair, he would probably still be governor of New York. It would have been a more or less private affair, as a opposed to a matter the IRS was investigating and for which he might be found guilty of criminal misconduct, and no one could have excused him of the gross hypocrisy he is so clearly guilty of.
  68. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Interest from the West from Canada:

    My reference to my "GF barely has a nodding acquaintance with my member" , refers of course to my Member of Parliament, the Right Honourable Paul Volpe.
    Volpe is never at his Constituency Office.

    What do think I was referring to?

    Interest from the West from Canada: You've done wonderful things with this Bad Dog Box. Quite Comfy.
  69. Nick Wright from Halifax, Canada writes: "An emotional affair is far more difficult to verify and police. What counts as evidence? More than half an hour a day of conversation? Up to three e-mail exchanges a night?"

    "Emotional affair" What nonsense! This treats a marriage as mutual ownership and dependency, hemmed in by insecurity. How sick and ungenerous. If your wife or husband meets someone with whom they discover an open and gratifying emotional channel, celebrate it and be happy for them, not poverty-stricken and afraid that you are somehow losing something.
  70. Nature Lover from Two Hills, Canada writes: I think the concept of "emotional affair" that the writer is trying to get at, is like when a husband invests in another woman and is convinced she meets emotional needs and sexual needs, that he feels his wife is incapable of. There is often a serious attachment that occurs and the husband makes promises to the other woman that he will never keep, just to keep the excitement and committment going on her end. These attachments are hard to break and very difficult to shake off and walk away from, when exposed. A prostitute is a purely business arrangement, alto I don't doubt that men can get addicted to prostitutes too, but there is not necessarily an emotional attachment, where more is promised than money.
  71. Jake McSnake from Ottawa, Canada writes: EVERYBODY CHEATS if she is PHD Correct, which I think she is not.
  72. Richard Hawrelak from Sarnia, Canada writes: He could have been engaged in an emotional affair.

    Yes, it's possible, but highly unlikeky. The emotional infedelity probably surfaced after the seven year itch!!
  73. Interest from the West from Canada writes: Sam Sanders: I don't think you're going to find Paul Volpe at your constituency office, he was mudered in the early 80's by the Commisso brothers in Toronto. Seems someone didn't like him moving in on their territory. Had to laugh at your parry though, I bet your wife and your GF find you witty! Just kidding, though you gave me a picture of your GF doing the nasty with Joe Volpe that just won't get out of my head. BTW, did you like the wide-screen TV I put in the box for all the bad dogs?
  74. Gilda Pikelin from Toronto, Canada writes: WOW

    This article is rediculous. Whoever wrote that article made way too many assumptions and generaliztions. Once can not say Mrs.Spitzer is suffering any less because her husband had "unattached sex." That is a rediculous assumption and so wrong. SHe is going through possibly more than one would usualy go when an affair occurs. She is suffering public humiliation. Not only does she know but the entire world knows! This is article is very insensitive and whoever wrote it (sorry I forgot to check) should really rethink their thoughts.
  75. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: Henny Youngman: "My wife and I were happy for over 20 years. Then, we met."
  76. crime of the century from This is not America, Canada writes: It's all about "trust", if you cant trust an american politician, who can you trust? Pity, the woman who marries one.
  77. Katherine Kanczuga from Toronto, Canada writes: I was not trying to make a point about exceptions to the rule. My comment had to do with the media's tendency to portray emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy as mutually exclusive and how this relates to psychological health... how such a questionable portrayal simplifies and strips sex of all that it could be in terms of unique human experience. Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? And in reality, as human beings are we even capable of having sex without any sort of emotional connection to the other party (even in the case of just a one-night stand)? Or is the promotion of mutual exclusivity of the two concepts a way of adding legitimacy to the affair? breach of trust is emotional no matter what shade of rose-tinted spectacles you are wearing...
  78. Jim Cramer from red deer, Canada writes: Emotional adultery or sexual adultery is the same thing. It is also a symptom of much bigger problems in the marriage.
    Adultery is also forgiveable. If there was something real that brought the marriage together in the first place then with much energy and desire to work towards restoring the trust and bond, it is possible to have it again.
  79. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Interest from the West from Canada:

    Mea Culpa on the Paul Volpe. Paul Volpe, Joe Volpe. All those Liberals act and look alike. I am a proud, meat-eating, knuckle-dragging Tory man, myself.

    Come on, Interest From the West, deep, deep down, you love us dogs.
    True, we smell, and we spend most of the day, licking our balls, and humping the furniture. But sometimes, we can be cute and cuddly. Combine a little sensitivity with great technique, and a little John Coltrane, and after the involuntary shudders, watch all your troubles slip away, become evanescent.
    By the way, how come you only get CBC on the flat screen? Where's the hockey and porn? Also, the hot tub could be a little warmer.

    When are you going to let me out of your Dog House, babe?

  80. John Cardoso from Fredericton, Canada writes: To West Slope -
    Right on my friend. Right on. This is how low our "moralistic" society has stooped. Another product of "Christian" morality - condemning a stupid sexual act while accepting the bombing, killing, and exploitation of thousands of innocent victims for the economic gain of the big corps. Blood for dollars is fine, but sex with a sex worker, god forbid!
  81. Interest from the West from Canada writes: Sam Sanders: You're right, you caught me. I do enjoy all the bad boys, with the exception of the few who are too full of themselves. You know, like Green Jerry and his buddies, the old ones with no more tricks left and no interest in learning any good new ones. Bad dogs!

    Seriously, I thought the Tories would love the CBC. Anytime there's interesting news out there the CBC schedules a new "road show" to find out how the country feels about their place in confederation, the lint in their belly buttons, cod fish, whatever. Just the kind if distraction the Tories usually drool over, all the better to slip a billion in overspending on Afganistan past the public. Of course there's no money left for the RESP bill. I'll have to install cable in the box I guess. Sigh.
  82. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Interest from the West:

    As you can see, I still have a few tricks left.
    Wow, you hate the CBC, as much as I do. I think I'm in love.
    The Tories would love to deep six the CBC Mother Ship.The Tories were really impressed when the CBC reporter drafted questions for the inarticulate Liberal dude on the Ethics Committee during the Schreiber/Mulroney hearings.
    I say, convert CBC's head office on Front Street, Toronto, into condos.
    But the Ottawa/Toronto Liberal chattering classes will scream like banshees.
    We need CBC to tell Canadian Liberal stories to Canadians.
    What we need is a good Ontario sex and political scandal?

    I don't think Premier McGuinty being caught in a hotel room in Ottawa, paying hookers to proof read his upcoming budget counts as being a scandal.

    But I could be wrong? Would Mrs. McGuinty stand by her man in such a case?
    Would anybody notice?
  83. Maximilian Widmaier from Vancouver, Canada writes: Hey you two, stop having your emotional relationship through the G&M website! Do your signficant others know about this? Maybe you should just be safe and stick to meaningless sex with each other.
  84. Brian App from Waterloo, Canada writes: I haven't read this thread, but for anyone interested in watching an artistic exploration of the original article's concept, watch Stanley Kubrick's Eye's Wide Shut. One of the main themes of the film is that infidelity of the mind is much worse than that of the body.
  85. Go Oilers Go! from Canada writes: Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada: I don't dispute Mr. Spitzer was a busy man. Lots of men work 12-15 hour days and still have a satisfying sex life with their spouse. The fact that he may have had 30-40 trysts over 2 years does not directly correlate to he wasn't getting any at home. Assuming he did not double dip on days he indulged in trysts that leaves him 690 days for his wife. You are assuming that Mr. Spitzer indulged in prostitutes because he wasn't getting any at home or wasn't satisfied. That could be the case; but there is no proof of that. You are simply assuming. I did a work term on a drilling rig and one of the derrick hands was pretty free with sharing his trysts during days off. He wasn't unhappy with his sex life at home or at least that is what he proclaimed. However he enjoyed giving facials and a little back door action every now and then which his wife wasn't into...so he found alternatives. No one knows the Spitzer's situation; everyone is simply making assumptions. They could be swingers, he might have a foot fetish or he might enjoy a little S&M every now and then. Or he might just be a guy who makes love to his wife twice a week but also likes a little variety once a month.
  86. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Go Oilers Go wrote: " He enjoyed giving facials and a little back door action every now and then":

    You guys in the west really know how to have a good time.
    I think my monitor was fogging up reading your posting.

    Your thesis is that, without sufficient proof, Spitzer could be making love to his wife, twice a week, and still have lots of time to hook up with hookers. Even if Sil satisfied him on a regular basis, it is understandable that he would still seek out some more extreme action with some paid hookers.

    So even if Sil dressed up like a school girl and handcuffed Spitzer to the bed, you think Spitzer would still seek the charms of Jersey hookers.

    Go Oilers, you may have something there.
    I am open to these possibilities.
    I sense we are heading into Lawrence country here ( D.H. not Margaret)

    I think the Canadian Parliamentary Ethics committee should hold a public hearing and inquire into the sexual practices, or lack thereof, of the Spitzers.

  87. Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes: Max, you old dog.

    I responded to your last posting but I believe I have been censored.

    Interest from West and I are going Obama. We are trying to transcend regional, ideological, gender and sexual differences.
    We are trying to bring unity to a country sharply divided between the west and the east, the left and the right, NDP vs. reason, the Green vs. puce and Corner Gas vs. humour.

    And if I can savour her western charms, so be it.
  88. Tipsy Ipsy from Canada writes: m a from Toronto, Canada writes: I do support the legalization of prostitution because I think that would mitigate some of the worst abuses from pimps, but still, it's not an industry I want to support. As long as there is demand, there will be supply and women will be treated like products. Which makes the world a sicker place.

    Too bad m a. The industry's as old as civilization itself. To get rid of it means to rid of civilization. Is that what you want?
    Sex involves 2 consenting people (or more), so there'll always be an opportunity to turn that into a business.
  89. Go Oilers Go! from Canada writes: Sam Sanders from Toronto, Canada writes:

    "You guys in the west really know how to have a good time.
    I think my monitor was fogging up reading your posting."

    Second only to the girls in Montreal ;o)

    "So even if Sil dressed up like a school girl and handcuffed Spitzer to the bed, you think Spitzer would still seek the charms of Jersey hookers."

    Maybe...maybe not. It's entirely possible that you are correct; or only partly correct.

    My point was simply that you can't draw conclusions from assumptions or speculation.
  90. CD W from Canada writes: Different rules for different fools, his family's wealth is a nice insulator, so from what is Silda insulated? Not much it seems.
  91. D K from Canada writes: "Meaningless sex: 'Far easier for the wife to get over it than if she thinks her husband is in love with another person"

    Does that mean Sarah is all for it? The meaningless variety that is.
  92. G Young from Canada writes: Emotional Affair my a**! Whether my husband dips his wick one time or twenty times, it is immediately an emotional issue!

    And to tie this to Silda Spitzer is ridiculous. I'm pretty certain this has been a highly emotionally charged issue for her. Her husband spent 80,000 dollars on hookers! Did he EVER dine at home? I'm pretty sure anyone would take that personally.
    • Posted 13/03/08 at 8:23 PM EDT |