Anime buns or femover?
The Betty?
The Joan?
Or simply punked out?
And here I thought playing Rock Band was going to be as easy as lassoing a couple of "bandmates," strapping on a couple of guitars, and finding some drummer type to Charlie Watts-it-up on the little drum kit.
I had no idea I could choose a hairstyle, in fact a whole persona, right down to height, weight, eye colour, skin tone and "I Shall Triumph" tattoos.
Aside from the fact that I do not recall specifying torn stockings and a largely absent skirt, I am quite pleased with my rocker self with the red "curtained" hair.
Sadly, I am a wretched guitar player.
Or should that be guitarist?
A well-intentioned solo romp through Wave of Mutilation by the Pixies results in the words "Song Failed" being displayed rather brightly and largely on the modest 27-inch household television screen. I find that a little harsh. Surely 31 per cent isn't all that dreadful for a first-time effort.
Guitar Hero III is little better: 39 per cent on Hit Me With Your Best Shot. And the audience is booing! I never liked Pat Benatar anyway and the audience is mean.
Let's put this in context, shall we? Before Guitar Hero III and Rock Band made their sudden, and roundly applauded, test appearance in the family rec room, my entire experience with what might be deemed music gaming consisted of a herky-jerky hour stomping through Dance Dance Revolution at an out-of-town bowling alley.
No, there are no videos available for posting.
We are not Luddites.
It's true that for years we held out against internal pressures from sons one, two and three to get cable. Go on, laugh.
No sooner had the cable battle been lost, than Game Boys made an appearance, followed by PlayStation.
Not once did I feel the urge to take up a controller.
But I get that this is a new era of social gaming. Industry experts tell me that both GHIII and Rock Band are successfully winning over girlfriends who hate their boyfriends' gaming habits. They also tell me that the family that once played Clue together will now play The Clash, turning Should I Stay or Should I Go into the new family get-together moment.
There are unquestionably affirming aspects to the game. Playing Rock Band in unison with various teenagers means that when one player fails — I'm not saying, ahem, which player — on Enter Sandman, the others can step in to save the downed musician. (Up to a point: three fails and you're out.) Players who play well together can earn a unison bonus.
Family therapists could make great headway using this tool.
Patient offspring, meanwhile, kindly point out that the older person in the room is following the lead guitar track when she should playing bass, which could explain why she keeps getting knocked flat.
The rocker chic with the curtained hair chooses The Strokes' Reptillia as her comeback track.
Score: 92 per cent.
She so owned that.
