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If not chairs, the air is likely to be filled with zingers and wisecracks when Don Cherry, Pierre McGuire and Mike Milbury are in the room.
The three hockey commentators were together not in a room, but on a conference call yesterday to promote the NHL playoffs, and it was never dull.
One of the first players to get smacked down was Marian Hossa, the underachieving forward picked up by the Pittsburgh Penguins at the trade deadline.
"His colleagues have been referring to him as Maid Marian," Milbury, an analyst with TSN and NBC, said. "He hasn't produced."
"He has yet to show he can do it in the playoffs," added McGuire, who also works for TSN and NBC. "Going forward, cap-wise, that's a disastrous trade [for Pittsburgh]."
The conversation turned to moody New York Rangers star Jaromir Jagr.
Cherry, of Hockey Night in Canada, said Jagr might produce in the playoffs, but he's a little fragile.
"Well, if nobody burns his toast, and if the stars are right, and he's not yearning, he could be effective," Cherry said.
Cherry aimed and fired at Ottawa Senators goalie Ray Emery, who undermined his coach by showing up late for practices and breaking other rules.
"I've never seen anything like it. This guy should have had his heart cut out the first time he did it, and the team would be a lot better."
On a more positive note, McGuire said Alex Ovechkin should easily win the NHL's most valuable player award.
"He's virtually indestructible," McGuire said. "I would call him a cyborg. He is no doubt MVP of the league. And anybody who has a vote and doesn't vote for him should have that vote rescinded."
"He's as electrifying a player as I've seen since [Bobby] Orr," Milbury said.
Milbury, never one to go halfway, ranked New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur as not merely the best goaltender of his era, but the "best goaltender ever to play the position."
As for the playoffs, McGuire is predicting a war between the Washington Capitals and Philadelphia Flyers.
"This will be a long, physical, bloody series," he said. "I think the Capitals will win it, but I think they will win it under severe physical duress. It's going to be downright ugly."
They agreed that Calgary Flames-San Jose Sharks will be down and dirty as well.
The analysts picked only one of the three Canadian teams to advance past the first round — the Montreal Canadiens — although Cherry warned that a hurting Ottawa squad will be dangerous.
"It's a funny thing about hockey players," he said. "When something like this happens, they dig down. It's not going to be as easy as people think. Sometimes a little magic happens."
Asked to pick the two teams that will advance to the Stanley Cup final, Cherry said, "I'm holding mine for who pays me — Hockey Night in Canada."
Said McGuire, "I'm not going to say, because I save my picks for TSN. I get paid by TSN."
Milbury interjected.
"San Jose over Pittsburgh. I don't get paid enough."
Cherry said later the Sharks are his pick to win the Cup.
Radio numbers
The poor play of the Toronto Maple Leafs hit radio rights holder AM640 Toronto hard in the latest audience results released yesterday by the BBM (Bureau of Broadcast Measurement).
AM640's prime-time audience share for men 25 to 54 dropped to 2.6 per cent from 7.3 per cent at this point last year. At the Fan590 in Toronto, market share jumped to 4.8 from 4.2. The audiences were measured in January and February.
The good news for AM640 had the Bill Watters afternoon drive show cutting into the lead of Bob McCown's show on the Fan590. The Watters share was 3.2, up from 1.9 a year ago when Jim Stafford was host. McCown's share declined slightly to 9.0 from 9.9.
AM640's noon hour show, Leafs Lunch, pulled ahead of the Fan590's Hockey Central. Leafs Lunch moved to a 4.8 share from 3.4. Hockey Central dropped to 3.8 from 4.9.
The Fan590 showed gains for the morning show, midmorning show and early afternoon show.
In Vancouver, Team1040 had its best results yet for the morning and afternoon drive shows.
The morning show earned a 9.0 share for third place in the market (males 25 to 54). The afternoon show had a 13.7 share for first place.
The Leafs also impacted negatively on Hockey Night's audience average for the 7 p.m. EDT game. Hockey Night averaged 1.179 million for the game, which features the Leafs, during the NHL regular season, down 18 per cent from last season's average of 1.441 million.
Rating the weekend
| EVENT | NETWORK | VIEWERS | SKINNY |
| Friday | |||
| Baseball. Red Sox-Jays | Sportsnet | 457,000 | Up 51 per cent from 2007 April average |
| Hockey. Bruins-Senators | TSN | 492,000 | Big number for TSN |
| Hockey. Bruins-Senators | RDS | 301,000 | Strong audience for non-Habs game |
| Saturday | |||
| Soccer. Newcastle-Reading | Sportsnet | 85,000 | About right |
| Swimming. National trials | CBC | 185,000 | Good audience for niche viewing sport |
| Baseball. Red Sox-Jays | Sportsnet | 393,000 | Up 30 per cent from April 2007 average |
| Auto racing. O'Reilly 300 | TSN | 128,000 | Tough competition for NASCAR |
| Basketball. UCLA-Memphis | Score | 29,000 | Below average |
| Hockey. Leafs-Canadiens | CBC | 1.084 mil. | Below average |
| Hockey. Leafs-Canadiens | RDS | 1.133 mil. | RDS outdraws Hockey Night |
| Basketball. Raptors-Nets | TSN | 88,000 | Lousy teams, lousy audience |
| Basketball. Kansas-UNC | Score | 27,000 | More was expected |
| Hockey. Flames-Canucks | CBC | 660,000 | Vancouver tunes out |
| Boxing. S.Molitor-F.Beltran Jr. | TSN | 119,000 | Good boxing audience |
| Sunday | |||
| Auto racing. Bahrain Grand Prix | TSN | 158,000 | About right for F-1 on TSN |
| Soccer. Everton-Derby | Score | 27,000 | A terrible EPL number |
| Hockey. Blackhawks-Red Wings | TSN | 200,000 | Meaningless game |
| Baseball. Red Sox-Jays | Sportsnet | 507,000 | Up 68 per cent from April 2007 average |
| Hockey. Penguins-Flyers | TSN | 567,000 | Best of the season for U.S. matchup |
| Baseball. White Sox-Tigers | Sportsnet | 119,000 | Good MLB number |
