Think your teen's a slacker?
"Stereotypes to the contrary, not all teens are slackers," writes Anthony E. Wolf in Teens don't slack when it comes to stress. "Many care about how they do in school, and they worry about it — a lot. This is not just about unfinished work due the next day that has been put off until the last minute. This is a deeper anxiety — one that gets particularly severe as the school year enters its final stretch."
With some kids it can turn into a true obsession. They come to feel that everything they do counts towards their future, from every grade they get to every extracurricular activity they can squeeze into an already full schedule. "
Dr. Wolf was online earlier to take your questions on this subject, as well as more general teen questions.
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Your questions and Dr. Wolf's answers appear at the bottom of this page.
Dr. Wolf is a clinical psychologist in Longmeadow, Mass. He is the author of six parenting books including the bestselling Get out of my life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager. Dr. Wolf is married, the father of two ex-teenagers and hence has had extensive firsthand experience at thinking he knew considerably more about parenting teenagers.
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TL B, Vancouver: I have a 15 yr old son that has discovered pot, he smokes it by himself, withdrawn at home. I try everything and can't seem to get him motivated, he is failing almost every subject in grade 9 and is working on one grade 8 course (and almost failing that one as well). He is failing as he doesn't do the homework assignments. I'm a single parent, don't have a lot of resources to get counselling for him, he keeps everything inside him and I believe he has anger management problems. He fights with his younger sibling all the time, has no tolerance for others. I don't know how to get him to focus on school and stop the pot.
Anthony E. Wolf: What you are describing with your son sounds like a problem that maybe is too much to expect that it can have an easy fix. It sounds like he's isolating himself into marijuana maybe as an escape from much involvement with anything. I don't know what is available in the way of counselling, but certainly you do want to get help as how to deal with him. If you don't know where to turn, you might ask a guidance counsellor at his school what resources are available in your area, as the school certainly must deal with other kids like him. All of that being said, you still do want to be available to him and let him know that you are concerned about him and plan to be there for him.
Shelley Murray, Burlington: Hello, I cannot get my 15 and 17 year old boys to get out of bed and go to school. I have taken away all privileges, I have threatened to kick them out of the house (the eldest left for 3 weeks) but returned. They are failing school and do not seem to care. I am considering foster care! help!!
Anthony Wolf: If neither of your boys are going to school at all, you maybe have to make a tough decision. Is it okay with you to have your two boys living at home and not going to school (if your oldest was working would that be an acceptable alternative?) and doing nothing, or do you want to look for some kind of placement where they would have less of a choice. Probably that may be a more realistic option with your fifteen year old. With seventeen year olds, there usually isn't much that is available in the community. In which case you are stuck with either giving him a safe pace to live or having him be out completely on his own.
