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When Paul Vasey came home from work as a CBC morning radio host in Victoria, he would often find his house empty, his wife, Marilyn, nowhere to be found.
"I'd come home and there would be a note saying she had gone off to lunch, gone to dinner," the 62-year-old recalls.
His wife, who is now 61, retired from her job as a teacher in 2003, four years before her husband took retirement last summer.
In the interim, Mr. Vasey said, he did not begrudge his wife her freedom, even as he continued to wake at the crack of dawn to rouse his listeners from their slumber.
Marilyn Vasey retired from her job as a teacher four years before her husband, Paul, a CBC morning radio host, took retirement last summer. Mr. Vasey says he did not resent his wife for enjoying her leisure time. (Dave Childey for The Globe and Mail)
"There was no 'Oh darn, she doesn't have to work today,' " he said. "I know some people if they're not happy in their job, then that might be a source of resentment. But it certainly wasn't with us."
A Statistics Canada report released last week showed that more couples like the Vaseys are retiring separately, exiting the work force years apart so that while one spouse is putting in their 9 to 5, the other is enjoying unlimited leisure time. Between 1986 and 2001, the proportion of husbands and wives who retired within two years of each other fell to 29 per cent from 32 per cent.
And unlike Ms. Vasey, most women retire after their husband, with only 28 per cent of Canadian wives retiring first.
Statistics Canada attributed the shift to age disparity among couples, differing levels of satisfaction with employment and varying pension requirements.
But research from Cornell University called the Retirement and Well-Being Study found that couples who retire at different times, no matter what the reason, can experience added tension in their relationship.
The study, conducted in 2001, found that recently retired men and women whose spouses were still working reported the highest levels of marital conflict, a finding researchers attributed to the stress of easing into retirement.
Once husband and wife were both retired, the marital conflict subsided. But even couples who were both retired had higher levels of marital discord than those who were still working.
It's not hard to imagine how this stress could arise.
How do you come to terms with being home all day with someone you saw only in the morning and evening during decades of marriage? What happens when the retiree wants to travel or do something fun while their spouse has their nose to the grindstone? And does the retired partner have to have dinner ready every night?
Ms. Vasey said that luckily her marriage did not change much when she retired. The couple were still living in Windsor, Ont., and she had been working only part time for the last few years and knew she was ready to hang up her career even if her husband wasn't.
"I didn't love it any more," she said. "I saw so many teachers counting their years for pension and their hours until retirement and I just thought, I'll never be like that."
Ms. Vasey said she did not mind being home while her husband was at work, and easily filled her time meeting friends, walking the dog, reading and doing things around the house. But when her husband accepted the radio job in Victoria, requiring them to move, she worried about being lonely.
"When we went out West I was a little worried about that, only because I didn't have a network of people," she said. "But we met people really quickly."
The couple moved back to Windsor last year when Mr. Vasey retired, a decision prompted by the birth of two grandchildren.
Ms. Vasey said having her husband at home with her has not changed her retirement lifestyle or created any tension.
"It's been great. He's the superbusy type," she said. "Neither of us is the type to get bored."
She is surprised by the number of her friends who have retired at different times than their spouses, and said that for many, things do not go as smoothly.
"If it's a husband who's more needy, that can be a problem," she said. "I've definitely seen it create tension."
Mr. Vasey said friends who worry about placing strain on their marriage by retiring simply have to plan to keep busy, and to have their own interests just as they should have throughout the marriage.
"I've got things I do in the community; she's got things that she does with her social group," he said. "We each have our own lives and we obviously have a life together."
