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Get what you want this Mother's Day. Twist the ex's arm

REBECCA ECKLER

From Tuesday's Globe and Mail

Latest comment posted at 8:44 AM EDT 07/05/08

On what is perhaps the Hallmark holiday of all Hallmark holidays, what's a single mother to do for some recognition? ...Read the full article

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  1. anonymouse Z from Canada writes: 'I even remind my daughter's father that on her birthday I should also get something, for the fact that I gave birth'
    Wow. My mother has never asked for anything. Never even hinted at wanting gifts for everything she has done for all the people, including us kids and the husband (gave up her brilliant career, stayed at home to nurture three children through their own careers ranging from brilliant to successful). This person feels entitled to gifts for giving birth. I am sorry, why did you give birth? Was that not to satisfy your own desire for a child?

    Lady, birthdays are about the child. And her relationship with everyone. Stop grabbing limelight already.
  2. SusieQ 321 from no where vill, Canada writes: Talk about emotional and otherwise blackmail.... WOW... your ex still has to buy you presents.... for giving birth to your child... really double WOW.... I wonder if I can email all the exes in my life and have them get me birthday and christmas gifts ooh and don't forget valentines.. I am sure wives and girlfriends would be impressed with that skil... never mind that I never married any of them.

    Get over it... celebrate your child and yourself on your own he is an ex not a current and you should be ashamed of guilting them into buying you gifts and we wonder why ex wives get a bad rap from ex husbands I think I just read one of the reasons this morning....

    And this is coming from the girl who bought her mother a kitchen aid mixer and had it delivered just cause mom always wanted one...

    and again WOW and double WOW... incredible hope I never am fortunate to have friends just like you....
  3. The Wight from Canada writes: Who the hell does this woman thinks she is?

    If she's an ex and the two had kids, then she already gets child support and if it is anything like the child support that *I* pay, then it is enough to completely pay for any and all wants for the child and then some. Not having to pay a penny for your own child's upkeep, leaving 100% of your own income to use for you own uses is a pretty good 'gift', in my opinion.
  4. Prairie Boy from Canada writes: Self centered much? Kids are a vehicle for presents? World owes you something?
  5. Larry Perlman from Toronto, Canada writes: I'm curious -- will the daughter go to her Mother for money to purchase a Father's Day gift one month later? When did we start expecting material gifts from our little children? Isn't a hand-made card with feelings of affection for the parent more priceless? Once you put a price tag on the gift, its significance loses value immediately, especially one financed by the ex-husband. As far as expectations of gifts from the ex-husband for Mother's Day, perhaps she should look inward and determine whether that was a factor in their ex-marriage. Just a thought.
  6. Sue City from Ottawa, Canada writes: Yikes.

    It's a selfish world out there.

    Here's your reward for Mother's Day - your daughter you idiot. Go spend some time with her and stop thinking about yourself.
  7. Larry Perlman from Toronto, Canada writes: I'm curious -- will the daughter go to her Mother for money to purchase a Father's Day gift one month later? When did we start expecting material gifts from our little children? Isn't a hand-made card with feelings of affection for the parent more priceless? Once you put a price tag on the gift, its significance loses value immediately, especially one financed by the ex-husband. As far as expectations of gifts from the ex-husband for Mother's Day, perhaps she should look inward and determine whether that was a factor in their ex-marriage. Just a thought.
  8. Eric Payne from Canada writes: I think for the Father's day gift the child should find a nice gift to the selfish turkey baster that aided in her conception. Call it ummm an offering to selfishness. If she could not, by virtue of time or people skills, develope a relationship with someone so this child she needed could have a two parental system to meet the childs needs, Why do they let this continue? Just a tad self centered. Just like women who marry men with the I will fix them atttitude the child is not the vechile to fix her personality fawls
  9. Gerry Bison from Thunder Bay, Canada writes: self centered, selfish and greedy...
    Use your kids some more why don't you....
    No wonder she's single...Sounds like an ultra-high maintenance, greedy woman who's pretty good at manipulation.
  10. Mr. Justice from Canada writes: This article about this 'Me Me Me' mom . . . who chose to be single and gets child support and expects the world to revolve around her 'needs' . . . is . . . from . . . the Onion, right ?

    NO ONE is this much of a egomaniacal twit. Oh, wait . . . .
  11. Some Guy from Canada writes: Pathetic.
  12. RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: Sounds like the article a couple month ago about how women were demanding presents for giving birth to their children (apologies for forgetting the term).
  13. Sharon Graham from Canada writes: You people are pretty tough on Ms. Eckler, who usually annoys me. Hey, who do you think wakes up with the kid at 6:30 every single morning, and stays up long after the child has gone to bed making sure the house is in order and everyone has clean clothes? Moms can love their kids and still need a day away here and there. And as the baby's father lives away from the action, there's nothing wrong for him to give the mom what amounts to a token of his appreciation for all the work she does. I'm sure if he didn't want to, he wouldn't, as these sort of gifts are not included in custody agreements.
  14. An Opinion from Canada writes: Sharon Graham - does Ms. Eckler have full custody of their child? These days, the default custody situation is 50/50 and so some dads actually do have to get up at 6:30 am as well, etc. etc. Hope that Ms. Eckler is as kind to her ex- as he is to her and that she will be sending a nice gift his way on Father's Day.
  15. Bob Fugger from Victoria, BC, Canada writes: Dear Daddy: Please send me money so I can buy Mommy a meaningful Mother's Day gift.
    ----------
    Dear Daughter: Here is 25 cents: please buy your self-absorbed narcissitic mother a clue. I love you - Dad.

    My God, Rebecca Eckler AND Leah Mclaren at the same paper? Our reality must be Joseph Pulitzer's personal hell. This paper should change it's name to 'E! Newspaper Daily' and be sold at the checkout next to News of the World.
  16. Rick Swerve from Vancouver, Canada writes: Rebecca, I guess your joke of a lawsuit accusing the movie 'Knocked Up' of plagiarising your lame book didn't pan out, or else you wouldn't need to hit up your ex for expensive gifts.

    Anyway, I'm glad to see that the rest of the globe and mail readers think that you're as pathetic as I do.

    Please G&M, get this annoying woman out of your paper.
  17. Rachel Jerome from Alberta, Canada writes: Push presents. The gift that just keeps on giving.

    Lucky for this child there will be a documented record of this to refer to later. I wonder if the author's ex ever reads her columns?

    It made me call my mother and schedule a day for her. I gave her the grey hairs, I should do something to make up for it but not because she asked my dad to.
  18. Mary-Catherine Lanning from Guelph, Canada writes: Rebecca Eckler is a self-absorbed egomaniac. When her column 'Mommy Blogger' used to be published every Saturday I would get so angry that she was writing about designer strollers and other frivolous items for her baby to outgrow while one section away Stephanie Nolen is discussing genocide and AIDS in Africa. It must be embarrassing for the serious journalists who write for the Globe to read these articles promoting inconsideration and frivolousness when there are millions of people starving on the planet. And this article is right over the top. And the more I read the Globe and Mail, and the more they publish articles encouraging self-indulgent behaviour, the worse I feel about the state of the world. What are the editors doing at this paper? Why are people getting paid to write this nonsense? Hopefully Ms. Eckler's child will be placed in the hands of someone who can teach it to be generous and caring while she celebrates Mother's Day at the spa, BY HERSELF.
  19. Felis Catus from London, Canada writes: How about a little something to improve my mood? I mean a small financial consideration. Keeping in mind that your daughter is completely under my control, you wouldn't want me to be Upset, would you now?
  20. Bernie N. from Canada writes: I wonder what could persuade the Globe and Mail to get rid of this self-centred, manipulative writer. Let's see... her argument is basically that since her child is too young to voluntarily express her appreciation of her mother in any other way than 'a crumpled card in a knapsack', she needs to manipulate her daughter into emotionally blackmailing her ex.

    Despicable. Some of my favourite keepsakes are the crudely drawn father's day cards made by my children when they were younger. I guess for an indulgent egocentrist like Ms Eckler, that simply isn't sufficient.
  21. Rollo Tomasi from Belgium writes: Bernie N. from Canada writes:... she needs to manipulate her daughter into emotionally blackmailing her ex.
    -------------------

    Worse. Personated: ''Hi Daddy,' I typed, as my daughter was fast asleep.' Criminal.
  22. A C from TO, Canada writes: Any gift that is asked for in advance is no gift at all.

    There's no denying that mothers deserve appreciation, but to get it in the form of prompted presents from the ex disguised as your child's appreciation, and to go to this much trouble about it, is just gluttonous.

    I cant even believe this was published.

    The reason this woman is single is likely because of such presumption.

    Have some humility. Have some class. Dont be greedy.
  23. SomeGuy From Hamilton from Hamilton, Canada writes: Being a single dad, who's ex has sole custody, I find this article disgusting. I pay my ex a substantial amount in child support, while making ends meet on my own.

    If I choose to buy my ex something for mothers day (which I did), it should be my choice. I shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed into it.

    I bought my ex something as a small token of appreciate, moreso as a means of keeping the peace. To think I HAD to buy her something would take away all of the meaning behind the gift and the reason for Mothers Day.

    Mothers and Fathers Day isn't about material things. It is a celebration of being a parent. Apparently some people didn't get that memo.

    I am also curious what she will be buying her ex for Fathers Day?
  24. B L from Canada writes: I'm in my thirties and I still give my mom a handmade card for mother's day. She appreciates the care and love that goes into each one. She's an awesome mom and I tell her at least once a week.

    I'm glad Ms Eckler isn't my mother.
  25. Bert Fegg from Canada writes: 'The Criminal Code makes it really clear that impersonation alone isn't bad,' 'It has to be impersonation with criminal intent.'

    Not Criminal but Bloody selfish and paints mothers with a tarred brush.

    ~FEGG
  26. Humpty Dumpty from Toronto, Canada writes: 'The Wight' from Canada writes:
    > If she's an ex and the two had kids, then she already gets child
    > support and if it is anything like the child support that *I* pay,
    ............

    Seems that having to pay child-support upsets you alot, for you feel that with that amount of money, you could have bought new toys such as the latest plasma TV and sound system, or even a Porsche.

    Do you realize living with kids means having to rent/own a larger place to live, and owning a vehicle is a necessity?

    Moreover, when your kids are sick, would you be there to help take care of them at 3 am? Who's washing muddy clothing when the kids came home from school day after day?

    And I bet you send your kids and their dirty clothings back to your ex after your kids spent the weekend with you.

    Regarding celebrating Mother's Day,
    I believe it is better to encourage children to make/do something special for their moms. For $$$ alone cannot buy love and affection.

    When you are old, would you want your kid to buy you a diamond necklace for Mother's Day, but rarely call to check if you're doing alright for the rest of the year?
  27. N. Smith from Canada writes: Joint child custody isn't the norm in Canada, especially when the parents are living in different provinces. And there's nothing wrong with a mother wanting or getting a spa day. Eckler's cutesy gold-digging and smarmy sense of entitlement are the gross things here. She's an embarrassment.
  28. Miss Kitty from Victoria, Canada writes: These comments have made my day as they are so 'bang-on'. I have always received a lovely homemade gift or card from my son and never expected anything large or materialistic. I have been a married parent, and I have been a single parent, but that didn't mean any difference when it came to Mother's Day.

    It is always just a reward to look at my wonderful son and see the happy look on his face as he brings me toast in bed or his homemade card...that's what it's all about...not spa days and expensive presents...
  29. N Nichols from Canada writes: Absolutely disgusting. I'm not sure how Rebecca Ekler manages to look herself in the mirror each morning, much less face her daughter. As a child from divorced parents, I would be ashamed and embarrassed if my mother (or my father for that matter) was the least bit like Rebecca Ekler. That article warrants an apology to all self-respecting single parents out there.
  30. Globe Reader from Calgary, Canada writes: It's a sad day when I see this selfish, self-serving woman's dreck sully the pages of an otherwise fine newspaper. Don't give her work -- take that money and send her to some therapy. For the good of her child.

    And who CARES about Mother's Day? Only those who are at the emotional age of 15. It's just another Hallmark cash grab. Why make your children participate in it? I have told mine since they were old enough to worry about it NOT to worry about.
  31. M. Dawson from Canada writes: I completely empathize with the difficulty that single mom's have, I really do. However, I also feel badly for single dads. There are many dads out there who are working just as hard at being a parent to their kids, even if they don't have full custody. Last time I checked, BOTH parents are important to raising kids, and just because some dads take off shouldn't mean that all fathers get tarred with the same brush.

    My husband has two children from a previous marriage, is an excellent father, and also has always gone the extra mile to make sure the kids honour their mom on holidays such as mother's day, birthdays, and Christmas. We have even done the same, giving gifts so that the kids know how much we respect their mom.

    How come Father's Day gets such little attention? It sure doesn't seem like anyone makes much of an effort to acknowledge my husband on that day, even though he takes his role as a father very seriously.

    It's not that I think mom's shouldn't be acknowledged, I just wish things were more balanced.
  32. CD W from Canada writes: the single mother should not have tooled the neighbourhood. Enjoy the 143 pennies.
  33. Ian D. Niall from Right here, Canada writes: 'I even remind my daughter's father that on her birthday I should also get something, for the fact that I gave birth,' Ms. Craft says.'

    Was being given a daughter not enough?

    The sheer greed of the women mentioned in this article disgusts me.
  34. On the Banks of the Grand from Canada writes: How pathetic and manipulative. She's probably taking the guy to the cleaners and then she expects him to shell out for a mother's day present.
  35. Mike Mikelson from Canada writes: I feel for Ms. Eckler what can you buy in Toronto for a dollar-forty-three? Hopefully someone will have the good sense to read this story to her daughter so that this child recognizes that a mother's love costs money. At the age of four she will have no problems working in tight mine shafts and her little hands are perfect for cleaning heavy machinery; there is no excuse for this child to only have $1.43 in her bank account.
  36. The view from here from Canada writes: I believe the vote is consentual that this mother has been turned over to the world of expecting a monetary expression of 'love' from her daughter ( or Ex, or husband) in order to be properly appreciated on the commercialized 'holiday' known as Mothers day.

    I guess she cannot wait then for her daughter to turn 14- and out of her own babysitting money- purchase a candle or bunch of flowers, to show appreciatation on her own for all her mother has done for her. Or even for that hand made card of a 8 year old- wishing a simple 'happy Mothers day Mommy xoxoxox'

    I guess this mother has been to too many retail locations to see the displays of flowers and knick knacks, and clothing, and even jewellery, that she wants a piece of because she deserves to have them, because she has become a MOTHER.

    Its time to get back to real life and look for the real sweetness that comes to you as a mother, not wrapped in pretty paper, and not alongside a Hallmark card.

    We don't become mothers to GET- we become mothers to GIVE.
  37. Royal Writer from Canada writes: When I read this article the first time I felt the same way the commenters do. However I thought maybe it's possible that I missed something the first time round so I read it again. Nope, got it the first time. I understand the idea that she'd like some recognition. But even some mothers who are married, in a relationship, or of a different generation, can miss out on being recognized (i.e. Do we send cards to our grandmothers?) Having to prompt your children to buy a gift is just pathetic though. You shouldn't have to 'drill' it into anyone. Other parts of the article mention mothers who find 'gold' in receiving something your child made at school and being together. I guess that didn't give the Ms. Eckler some perspective on her own viewpoint. She also doesn't mention whether she gets her ex a gift for Father's Day. How would Ms Eckler feel if she received an email from her 'daughter' on behalf of her Dad? She'd probably write a different article criticizing him for using their child. But having said that, instead of Mother's Day, what if it was your birthday or Valentine's Day? What if they were still married? Wouldn't that make it different? Changing the event, making it forgetting a birthday could be seen as insensitive. True that there shouldn't be any expectations about someone giving you a gift or even a card (regardless of who it is). But wouldn't it be understandable to give someone a nudge in those cases? Geez, we wouldn't have this problem if it weren't for the Hallmark conspiracy now would we?
  38. W Z from Canada writes: Ridiculous! Every day is Mother's Day when I see the gift I was given. As for Mother's Day, I'll be spending it with my daughter - not in some spa.
  39. Placido Durango from Here to Eternity, Canada writes: 'I've drilled it into him,' says Toronto-based Vanessa Craft, ... 'I even remind my daughter's father that on her birthday I should also get something, for the fact that I gave birth'

    =====================

    That's just completely f**king sick.

    Who the hell is she to drill things into anyone?

    Does she give the father a present on the daughter's birthday?

    What a selfish, nasty, witch!
  40. Placido Durango from Here to Eternity, Canada writes: RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: Sounds like the article a couple month ago about how women were demanding presents for giving birth to their children (apologies for forgetting the term).

    ==================

    I remember that example of degeneracy, and it did sound like exactly the same women.

    The term the degenerate women used, if I recall correctly, was a 'pushing present'.
  41. Bubbles McBubbles from Trawna, Canada writes: Wow. A grasping, passive-aggressive ego-maniac who engages in identity fraud. These are good credentials for a Globe columnist?
  42. The Wight from Canada writes: Humpty Dumpty:

    'Seems that having to pay child-support upsets you alot, for you feel that with that amount of money, you could have bought new toys such as the latest plasma TV and sound system, or even a Porsche.'

    The reality is that I'm a huge simple living advocate that lives in a bachelor condo and I'm debt free, but that's less sexy than the deadbeat father you've painted me as. I own a used motorcycle, this computer, some CDs and books. That's it. I smashed my last TV with a sledge and will never own another one and haven't owned a car since 1995 when I sold my used 1990 VW GTI. I've never owned a new vehicle, in fact.

    It costs me, all in around $1000 a month for all my expenses. At my income level, my child support is $980 for one child which means I'm paying nearly as much for my SHARE of my son's raising as I do to completely raise myself. It's enough to pay for their mortgage, her new car payment and all of his normal expenses like food, clothing and school. She literally doesn't have to pay a penny except for her own personal expenses.

    Which, of course, is why I laughed at the ridiculous notion that I was somehow unaware of the costs involved in child rearing. I'm intimately aware because I'm paying for them all, not just a portion like a should be. Not part of the car, but all of it. Not part of the mortgage, but all of it. Not part of his other expenses, but all of them.

    Doesn't sound fair to me.
  43. A C from TO, Canada writes: I applaud the unanimous common sense on this board about the inappropriateness of this article.

    I only hope that Globe editors have the good sense not to publish it in tomorrow's paper.

    To the author: no doubt you meant well, but I'm sure you'll agree that the vast majority think this article is rooted in greed, selfishness and contempt for both your daughter and your ex. You may want to consider the following question when writing in the future:

    Is this really the story I want people to judge me on?
  44. N. Smith from Canada writes: So because you choose to live extremely frugally for someone with your income, you figure you should be able to demand that your ex and child do the same. Your logic is...interesting. Why don't you apply for joint custody and a corresponding reduction in support payments? Oh, right, because that might mean having to get a bigger condo and buy more things (like maybe a car, since transporting children around on a motorbike is generally not done) and you would have to be less self-righteous.
  45. Kay Ay from Canada writes: Let me guess this article was NOT meant in jest.
    It would be different if the *8* year old daughter actually called her dad and asked for some money but sending your own e-mail.
    Ick.
    This whole article should be deleted.
    And who is looking after the 3 yr old while mommy's at the spa if daddy lives so far away??
    Again Ick.
  46. N. Smith from Canada writes: There are these newfangled things called 'babysitters' that she probably looked into, Kay Ay.

    The problem isn't that she took some time off or had a spa day (I have and want things I don't actually need, and so does everyone else who has posted comments here, even Mr. Frugal with his DVD collection). The problem is that she hits people up for presents.
  47. Steve J from toronto, Canada writes: If the globe and mail was american idol, this article is william hung, hands down.
  48. whatevah D from Canada writes: Unlike many of my mother friends, who moan about husbands forgetting Mother's Day entirely, or who complain about partners not even giving them two hours of alone time, Ms. Otis says, 'My Mother's Days are always special. When my kids get excited to give me what they made at school, it's like gold. When you know all you have is each other, it makes the day really special.'

    So, because i have a husband I won't find getting homemade gifts from my kids special? Please, spare me this stupidity. YOu don't have to be a single mother to make the 'day really special' with your kids.
  49. Steve Gibbons from Calgary, Canada writes: Impersonating your daughter so that an ex would buy you a gift.... wow. I hope the relationship is healthy and stable enough for that. Thats pretty low and if I was the parent residing in another province I think I'd be pretty pissed off.
  50. jamie findlay from Banff, Canada writes: Wow. The fact that this ridiculously bad article was even published, shows the attitude of the Globe & Mail. Like ads, popular culture and so many other things today, this is an example of the lengths women go to to remain set apart from men. If this had been written by a man, it would be met with outrage from feminists everywhere. As it's written by a woman, it's 'cute' and no doubt justified.

    A moronic premise, and she should be ashamed of her actions, not publicizing them.
  51. Tony . from Waterloo, Canada writes:

    ... and thus we understand WHY these individuals are single parents!
  52. Brian Ch from Canada writes: If the ex actually reads her columns, she'd better enjoy her Mother's Day gift this year. If this article is not a joke, it is incredibly inappropriate.
  53. N. Smith from Canada writes: 'If this had been written by a man, it would be met with outrage from feminists everywhere. As it's written by a woman, it's 'cute' and no doubt justified.'

    Where the heck are you getting this? Who has defended Eckler hitting up her ex for presents?

    There is no love lost between Rebecca Eckler and the average feminist, trust me. No real feminist would endorse her behaviour. If anything, the Globe publishing this article shows how anti-feminist it really is, providing an excuse for the 'women are all gold-digging whores and I hate them' brigade to come out (as if you needed one).

    As for the ex, she's been writing and selling embarrassing stories about their relationship for years. It won't stop.
  54. N. Smith from Canada writes: Also, I think her ex is probably smart enough to know that his four-year-old cannot type out e-mails. Her behaviour is cutesy and gross but it's not 'impersonation,' any more than my signing my cat's name to a birthday card would be impersonation.
  55. Simply Red from Canada writes: Mary-Catherine Lanning from Guelph, Canada writes: Rebecca Eckler is a self-absorbed egomaniac. When her column 'Mommy Blogger' used to be published every Saturday I would get so angry that she was writing about designer strollers and other frivolous items for her baby to outgrow while one section away Stephanie Nolen is discussing genocide and AIDS in Africa. It must be embarrassing for the serious journalists who write for the Globe to read these articles promoting inconsideration and frivolousness when there are millions of people starving on the planet. And this article is right over the top.
    ---------
    Mary Catherine: I'm with you. Don't care about designer baby strollers -- just wanted one that wouldn't break down. I don't care about Eckler's self-absorbed life. Don't want to read about it. Not becoming behaviour in a mommy.
    (Mind you -- I like Leah MacLaren's column -- it takes me out of my life... Ditto the ex files, by Sarah Hampson, and David Eddie's column too. His one today was so sly... people actually thought he was getting a paternity test because he thought his kid wasn't his own! Hook, line, sinker... Unfortunately, we know from Ms. Eckler's past scribblings that this is completely normal behaviour for her... )
  56. D K from Canada writes: 'I even remind my daughter's father that on her birthday I should also get something, for the fact that I gave birth'

    Geez I wonder why she is single. Did he send her some meds?
  57. P B from Calgary, AB, Canada writes: I can't believe what I just read. What manipulation. Parent of the year! Kudos Eckler. This poor guy should kiss the ground everyday he's got her out of his life! What he must have to go through just to be a part of his daughters life having to deal with the likes of her. As a single parent who shells out thousands a month for alimony and child support (and who initially sent Mothers Day Gifts on behalf of the children). This article truly represents how manipulitive women can be. Is this what a good single man has to deal with in a seperation from his child? I know exactly why this woman is not receiving any appreciation for her efforts. As a regular reader of the Globe, I must say I'm appalled at this articles content.
  58. Adamas She from Canada writes: I am a single mom. My daughter just turned 18 and is heading to college this fall. We have always been poor because I have raised my daughter alone since she was born;, no help from family or friends for the most part. We've made it through the worst times and we are very close.

    The best Mother's Day Present I ever received was when my daughter was 7. We attended a local festival in a small northern community in Ontario. We had no money so my daughter went onstage in front of hundreds of people and requested the DJ to play the 'Macarena' song for me. She danced the whole song, all seven minutes' worth and told the audience it was for her mom. She was applauded and I cried. Now THAT to me is the spirit of Mother's Day.

    Miss Eckler might well just be raising another female much like herself. Break the chain, daughter!
  59. Adamas She from Canada writes: I should mention that when my daughter danced the Macarena for me, I had no idea she was about to do it. Also, she had never had dance or performing lessons in her life!

    I'm so very proud of her!
  60. The Wight from Canada writes: N. Smith:

    'So because you choose to live extremely frugally for someone with your income, you figure you should be able to demand that your ex and child do the same. Your logic is...interesting.'

    My ex has never worked a full-time job in her life and she's 36. The most she's ever earned, despite TWO degrees, is $12/hr because she absolutely refuses to get a job in her field. You think I'M frugal? LOL.

    I pay $980. My Dad pays $500 out of his own free will, which is coming straight from his retirement funds, and her Step-Dad moved her into their house so that she has significantly reduced rent at $400/month. He paid her deposit on a nice, inexpensive condo, but ended up paying her way every month anyway, so moving her in SAVED him money. If she simply chipped in her share (national average wage, perhaps?), she would be on easy street. Instead, she works 20 hrs a week at a crappy wage because ... she can. Why work when three other people are subsidizing you?

    I don't live simply just because I'm a granola. I also live simply because I need to save for when my son turns 12. He's already asking to live with me (being lazy isn't her only fault) and I need money for my war chest.
  61. JN Smith from Canada writes: This article reminds me how lucky I am to have a great mom. I feel sorry for kids who have selfish moms or dads. Even to this day, my mom insists that I shouldn't buy her gifts (but I do anyways). Maybe this article explains some of the messed up kids out there, especially if 'mom' is a materialistic wacko. Wait until her daughter is in college and is to broke to afford a 'nice' gift. Is she going to throw out the cheap gift she receives?
  62. The Wight from Canada writes: Oh ... and I think it is hilarious that I've gone from being called greedy and materialistic all the way to the other extreme where I've been accused of being a miser and wanting my kid and ex-wife to suffer like I apparently do, all in the space of a few posts.

    Make up your minds. We all know it's my fault, so just work at coming up with the justification.
  63. H H from Canada writes: I'd like to say how pleased I am to see the amount of responses that voice 'shock' that Mother's Day can be butchered by materialism.
    An article like this can almost make a woman feel ashamed of being a woman! Is the need for 'signs of support' like diamond necklaces really what women want? Or are members of our hormonal gender allowing themselves to be deluded into thinking that power really does reside in the concrete physical items that people give us?
    Reading this article I thought:
    'Darlings!! Where is the Heart that is our strength?!'
  64. Velma from Burlington from Canada writes: Mother's Day last year was the last one that my mom was with us. We took her out for brunch at a lovely tea shop. My brother bought her some lovely flowers and I bought her some books by her favourite author (as she loved reading). She always loved whatever we gave her, from hand-made cards to the slightly burnt toast for breakfast. Never would she have EVER used one of us in such a fashion to get an expensive gift.

    I am thoroughly disgusted by this writer, for this article as well as the 'push present' article a few months ago. Whatever happened to your children being the only gift you need? Why is your worth as a mother only measured by the value of the gift your husband (or ex-husband) buys you on behalf of your children?

    These women should give their heads a shake. They should also think back to what they gave THEIR mothers for Mother's Day, and what their reaction was. This year for Mother's Day I will be drinking a toast to my mother, and thanking heaven that I had her in my life for 44 years.
  65. Golden Crumb from Canada writes: Give me a break! Seriously.
  66. J J from Kelowna, Canada writes: Yes, I can very well imagine what this man must have gone through being married to this woman. Emotional blackmail does not a healthy relationship make. I fear for the daughter, as without her father's influence, she may just see her mother's way of treating men as appropriate. I'm in a similar situation, with a relationship that fell apart when, after more than a decade, I stopped caving in to the emotional pressure, lies, manipulation, etc. and said that what I believed and what I cared about mattered too. I also live on the other side of the country from my two daughters, paying child support while my parents pay for the house my ex lives in. She feels entitled to more, and continually tries to pressure me into paying more.
  67. Paul Jones from kitchener, Canada writes: This is pathetic. "I want, I want, me me me."
    I do not dispute in the least that single parents deserve some recognition for their efforts, but this article makes this lady sound like a whining gold-digger...minus the mine to dig in.
    Mothers Day is not about getting gifts, no matter how many mothers think they 'deserve' a gift on that day. Its about your CHILDREN (ie. not the ex, not your husband, not your friends or siblings) letting you know they love you.
    The Hallmark holiday of all Hallmark holidays! Give me a break. First off, that would be Valentines Day, secondly, get over yourself and drop the 'poor me' attitude. People whining about their lives and not getting what they 'deserve' is getting old.
  68. Kay Ay from Canada writes: Silly me I thought Mother's Day should be spent with your children not at the spa while they are with a babysitter.
    I LOVE the home made gifts my kids give me...the effort they put into them is touching. They are fabulous (and the teachers who guide them through these projects are wonderful too). But I'd be just as happy if they tidied their rooms or even practised the piano without being asked.
    But that's just me.
  69. Chrissy Simon from Canada writes: My kids are young enough that I still get home made gifts and cards, and they are the best. I have a collection of them, and always get teary eyed when I look through them all. Perhaps I'm more fortunate than Eckler, but if I want something expensive like a spa day, I can pay for it myself. I don't need to manipulate the children's father into buying if for me. I can't, however, make myself a crumpled card in the bottom in a knapsack. That has to come from the heart. I certainly hope that everyone reading this article doesn't think all women are as manipulative and greedy as Eckler and the women she interviewed for this piece. I still can't get over the woman who expects a gift for herself on her child's birthday. Why did someome that selfish and immature become a parent???
  70. whatevah D from Canada writes: Lydia Lovric from Burlington, Canada writes: Wow. This woman really has no shame!

    I think it's laughable that she purports to the best mommy ever, when Eckler once bragged about having TWO nannies (a full-time nanny and a weekend nanny) plus sent her daughter to day-care.

    Lydia, while I agree with you about Eckler's lack of mommy skills, just because she sent her daughter to day-care does not make her a bad mother. Instead, her attitude makes her a bad mother; as does her selfishness. Please don't equate the two. There are a lot of people who can't affor NOT to work (like me) and before you go on about how much I have in my life, how I'm selfish and don't make sacrifieces, I can assure you that with my 900 square foot house, paid off used Honda Civic and lack of vacations (last one was the honeymoon) and nights out at restaurants, I'm not exactly living the high life.
  71. N. Smith from Canada writes: "If she simply chipped in her share (national average wage, perhaps?), she would be on easy street. Instead, she works 20 hrs a week at a crappy wage because ... she can. Why work when three other people are subsidizing you?"

    Well, fine, so you believe your ex is irresponsible and a bad mother. I'm sorry to hear that, but how much you spend on your own needs is really irrelevant. Your support obligations are determined by your income, not your lifestyle.

    It really disappoints me that so many people are assuming that the wealthy Ms. Eckler is in any way a typical woman or a typical mother, holding her up to indict the whole system of child support, or suggesting that merely using day care or babysitters makes a woman a bad parent. Yes, she's crass and selfish, but the generalized misogyny in these comments is palpable and disheartening.
  72. whatevah D from Canada writes: thanks N Smith. Well said.
  73. vanessa craft from Canada writes: Unfortunately, sometimes things said with sarcasm or in jest can lose the translation when in print.
  74. Too Much from Canada writes: Ms. Craft, I'll take your word that you were using sarcasm or your comments were meant in jest. Sadly I can't say the same for Ms. Eckler because her vapid comments and attitude are in line with much of what she has written before. Why she is considered a "journalist" is beyond me.
  75. Placido Durango from Here to Eternity, Canada writes: N. Smith from Canada writes: ...the generalized misogyny in these comments is palpable and disheartening.

    ===========================

    How so?
  76. Placido Durango from Here to Eternity, Canada writes: vanessa craft from Canada writes: Unfortunately, sometimes things said with sarcasm or in jest can lose the translation when in print.

    ========================

    This is quite remarkable. I recall that when the 'push present' article came out, a woman quoted in it also came to the forum to (partially) disavow the way she was presented.

    Is this sort of thing endemic with Ms. Eckler's writing?
  77. John Meyer from Pueblo, United States writes: You couldn't afford a spa trip so you tricked your ex into buying it for you. Good job. If you're happy being a lying, shameless person who can't get away financially from somebody who you divorced (or divorced you), well you're sicker than I thought.
  78. Chris Gustin from Daytona Beach, FL, United States writes: To N. Smith:

    Okay, we get it. You're obviously a feminist who hates men, especially single fathers. Nothing men do is right, no matter what it is, and women can do no wrong. Or, if a woman did do something wrong, it was a man's fault. Anyone who says otherwise is being misogynistic. Got it.
  79. whatevah D from Canada writes: Lydia Lovric from Burlington, Canada writes: To whatevah D:

    Please read my comment again. I did not criticize Eckler simply because she sent her kid to day-care. I criticized Eckler because she had a full-time nanny, as well as a "weekend nanny" AND also sent the kid to day-care.

    Sorry...but that's just ridiculous.

    Who on earth needs TWO NANNIES for ONE CHILD?! (Plus day-care?!)

    Why have the kid in the first place if you don't want to spend any time with her?

    And it's not like Eckler was so incredibly busy with work. According to her blog, it seemed like she spent a considerable amount of time shopping, going to spas and watching reality television.

    Lydia, I don't think you need two nannies for one child, especially not a weekend nanny. However, while I did read your post, which I can't find right now, it did equate her behaviour with sending a child to daycare. Correct me if I'm wrong, but have you not commented against daycare before on these posts?
  80. Stephen Dedalus from Canada writes: People--I'm guessing that Eckler writes this type of column to tick people off, and not because she's oblivious. And I think she's struck a "noive," now, wouldn't you say?
  81. H H from Canada writes: Would that be an educated guess?

    And what, therefore, is the driving goal of ticking people off?
    Are you saying that self absorbed people don't exist in our consuming society? That Eckler is writing for a higher purpose? A greater good! Perhaps. Perhaps this material, regardless of intent, is propelling the collective conscious into an awareness of the downward spiral of tangible goods.
    Perhaps.
  82. N. Smith from Canada writes: "Okay, we get it. You're obviously a feminist who hates men, especially single fathers. Nothing men do is right, no matter what it is, and women can do no wrong."

    As evidenced by the fact that I repeatedly criticized Ms. Eckler? Yeah, you've got some issues, buddy. The other things I said were mostly just statements of fact. Child support is determined by income. Joint custody is not the norm. Et cetera.

    As for misogyny, check this out: "our hormonal gender," "this article truly represents how manipulitive women can be" (yeah, because men are never manipulative), "this is an example of the lengths women go to to remain set apart from men." Oh, yeah, because one woman is a rich jerk, all women must be rich jerks.

    The tone of the comments here has been overwhelmingly -- how shall I put this. "I love my kids and the real meaning of Mother's Day is to spend time with your children and my mother loved us so much that she ate cat food off the floor and dressed herself in secondhand garbage bags and never, ever left us, even to go to the bathroom, and how dare any woman want or get more than that."

    Look, Rebecca Eckler sucks. I don't deny that she sucks. But she doesn't suck because she got a lavish present for Mother's Day or because she doesn't spend every minute of every day with her daughter; she sucks because she has a lot more privilege than most women do and feels entitled every bit of it and more. She doesn't suck because she has a nanny; she sucks because she has multiple nannies and still whines about being exhausted by childcare. She doesn't suck because she had a spa day; she sucks because she can afford to buy her own damn spa day and she still hits up her ex for gifts. She's a gold-digger. She sucks. But I don't think you have to be totally self-sacrificing to be a good mother, and the tone of the comments here suggests otherwise.
  83. Mom Ottawa from ottawa, Canada writes: Ms. Eckler is living on cloud nine. She represents her own views and the views of about 2 other women living somewhere in this country. I just don't know where.
  84. Lydia Lovric from Burlington, Canada writes: To Whatevah D:

    Yes, I've written in the past about day-care.

    But this goes beyond that.

    Ms. Eckler has bragged repeatedly about how fabulously wealthy she and The Fiance (ex-Fiance) are, so it's not like she had to work in order to make ends meet.

    But she chose to place her kid in day-care, while also paying for TWO nannies.

    So how much time do you really think she spent taking care of her daughter?

    How can anyone not have a problem with that?
  85. Emma Hawthorne from Canada writes: Single Moms must teach their children how to love them, especially when there aren't fathers or others to teach them. Mother's Day is a good start. Hopefully the bitter posters will one day grow a heart, or their insensitivity may protect them a little bit them if they don't, until they are honest with themselves.
  86. whatevah D from Canada writes: Lydia: Who cares if she chooses to work? Just because she can afford to stay home doesn't mean she has to. My mom never stayed home, which was a bonus because when she suddenly became a single mom she could support us. Not everyone believes what you do.

    Yes, I think it's terrible that she has two nannies and daycare (frankly I don't know how it's possible, but whatever) or that she doesn't spend a lot of time with her child after/between work. But just because her husband "earns enough for her to stay home" doesn't mean she should. Then she's just a gold digger, right?
  87. SomeGuy From Hamilton from Hamilton, Canada writes: N. Smith "As for misogyny, check this out: "our hormonal gender," "this article truly represents how manipulitive women can be" (yeah, because men are never manipulative), "this is an example of the lengths women go to to remain set apart from men." Oh, yeah, because one woman is a rich jerk, all women must be rich jerks."

    Wow, out of 86 or so comments, you found THREE that support your view that this is all just a misogynistic group hug......

    This isn't misgynistic, it is just people stating their disgust for this woman. As a single dad, if I ever got this sort of email from my ex (who would NEVER stoop this low), I would reply back saying "tell mommy to buy it herself".....

    This isn't a man/woman thing. It is an entitlement attitude that is grosse.
  88. Ragnar Smurfslayer from Here to Eternity, Canada writes: Emma Hawthorne from Canada writes: Single Moms must teach their children how to love them, especially when there aren't fathers or others to teach them. Mother's Day is a good start. Hopefully the bitter posters will one day grow a heart, or their insensitivity may protect them a little bit them if they don't, until they are honest with themselves.

    ===========================

    Unfortunately, your comment has no connection with the story being discussed. Eckler isn't teaching her child, she's defrauding her ex.
  89. Zoltan Karpathy from Baycrest Hill Forest Ridge, Canada writes: Not to mention that the poor critters are mutilated so they pose no risk for visitors handling them.

    HANDLING them.

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