Skip navigation

 Login or Register | Member Centre

A weekly guide to surviving social scrapes

My ogling makes my girlfriend furious

DAVID EDDIE

From Friday's Globe and Mail

Latest comment posted at 10:53 AM EDT 09/05/08

Can I get it under control and reassure her that I'm committed without becoming a navel-gazing freak show? ...Read the full article

This conversation is closed

  1. More or Less from Canada writes: Not necessarily Paul ... there's a line between an appreciative glance and a driving-off-the-road-gawk. I don't mind if my guy discreetly checks someone out--as David says, it's hard wired. I do mind if it's so obvious that I notice it. On the other hand, I'm pleased to report that most of his ogling is at me.
  2. Syed Abbas from Toronto, Canada writes:

    Change your girlfriend. She is not for you.

    You are still looking for what you want.

    When you find her, you will stop oggling.
  3. Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: Wear mirror 'singlasses'.
  4. D. Grant W from Saskatoon, Canada writes: David, I have to call you on this one. Did you write this column for advice to the audience, or for your wife? First, it's impossible to tell from the Beckham picture whether or not he is looking past the woman to see the play- she had the audacity to block his view. This perspective tells us nothing but innuendo. Second, you should ogle, it's natural and it will leave you feeling alive- MORE alive in fact. Third, a supportive wife or girlfriend should assist you in seeing what to ogle- if you can't trust a man who appreciates a total stranger's beauty in a public place, you can't trust him at all. Fourth, if you and your significant other attend to each other's needs, you will have less interest in ogling, if in fact that is a perceived problem. You wouldn't send your man out for groceries hungry would you? No- keep him full all the time and he'll make good nutritional choices when out in public. You should eat three times a day, and snacks in between.
  5. s like from Cochrane, Canada writes: And it could be projection too. She's not trustworthy so (subconsciously) assumes no one else is either.

    My ex was super controlling and angry that way and I wasn't that bad when it came to ogling. She always made a very big deal about commitment and trust and in the end, she was the one who betrayed the relationship.

    I've generally found that the more loudly people moralize on a particular issue, the more likely they are to have their own personal problem with it.

    That said, I do think its good to get ones ogling under control but don't forget to consider the flip side. That kind of jealousy can be a loud warning signal.
  6. Sean L. from Toronto Center, Canada writes: David is wrong in his advise.

    This is not your problem. This is your girlfriend's own issue, her own insecurity, jealousy and need to control issues, her own demons. She needs to get over herself and act more reasonable.

    Looking is not cheating.

    Looking is natural.

    If you do not look when faced with an attractive member of the opposite sex, then you are either preoccuppied with thinking, cluelessly self-absorbed, gay, dead, or on a first date and focused on sending the right body language to get laid.

    In the case where you amost got in an accident, OK your girlfriend was right - get some self control and focus on your task of driving the car - you want to both get wherever alive.

    But the rest of the time, as long as you are somewhat discrete and don't make some big deal, then you are good to go.

    If she can not live with the act that you are a man, then eventually your relationship will fail anyway. Don't pander to her unreasonable requests to change you. If you can't be youirself, then what is the point in being with her?
  7. RD Lone from Vancouver, Canada writes: You just need to learn some better strategies. For example, when out with your girlfriend walk behind her holding her by the shoulders or hips. That way you can stare at whoever you want and she won't know.

    Or, yell 'omg, it's Elvis!' then oogle before she looks back.
  8. Eric Payne from Canada writes: There is all kinds of grey in this one but if you almost cause an accident because of what you are doing, sorry man can not help ya? If she is ready to go because of just this, you two should mate! You both have obvious mental health issues you both need to resolve before becoming fit partners in a relationship. She can not fix you and you are not her fix either.
  9. Syed Abbas from Toronto, Canada writes:

    Alistair McLaughlin: Greetings

    ' .... Convert to Islam ...'

    Not that easy for men in Islam mate.

    In Islam, it is the women who do the choosing, not the men. It is forbidden in Islam for a man to make a marriage offer to women, only the women can.

    Hence the socio-economics of Hijab. When the women do the choosing they do not have to expose themselves.

    In the West it is the men who choose, so a woman must expose herself to increase the chance to be chosen, the more the better.

    Cheers
  10. The Wight from Canada writes: She knows that you are a man, right?

    Work rationally.

    1) Prepare her a package of articles about testosterone and it's function as the main engine of sex drive.

    2) Show her a graph showing the relative levels of testosterone in the average male vs. the average female over the typical lifespan.

    If she doesn't get it then, she never will.
  11. TheWest ofCanada from Canada writes: If his ogling is so severe it nearly causes an accident, he has a problem. For those of you who cannot see that - you have a problem, too.
  12. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Luka Noxton from Montreal, Canada writes: I have asked my boyfriend to 'nogle' because the obvious head-to-toe stare is just rude. I can't speak for all women, but in my case and in the case of a few of my female friends, we feel uncomfortable being oggled openly. We can appreciate an admiring glance but if you're staring longingly at our anatomy, that's just unpleasant and deserves a swift kick in the nads. Appreciating feminine beauty, that's fine, but there's a way of doing it, which involves respect and discretion.
  13. Alistair McLaughlin from Canada writes: Syed, I only made the comment in jest, because I noticed that you had commented just before. And of course, your solution to everything is Islam.
  14. Mike Z from Saskatoon, Canada writes: Good response 'More or Less' -- my wife says the same thing. I remember the time when a single friend commented on a hot waitress, and my wife made the offhand comment that I had probably already checked her out. It stunned me at the time, but she said she doesn't have a problem with me checking out another woman, as long as I: a) don't do it obviously in front of her, and b) make it discreet enough not to be an oaf. She realizes that marrying me didn't make me blind.

    My own guidelines are as follows: make sure the girl doesn't notice, and make sure your significant other doesn't think you are staring as much as you are at a nice car that drives by.
  15. bethany middleton from Canada writes: Luka writes: 'Appreciating feminine beauty, that's fine, but there's a way of doing it, which involves respect and discretion.' Thank you Luka, for your comment - indeed, it's not only about the girlfiriend, but also about the women being ogled. Staring so hard you almost cause an accident is not only offensive to this guy's girlfriend, but also to the woman who is the object of his so-called 'admiration', who becomes nothing more than a piece of meat to be consumed.

    TheWestofCanada has it right: if he's almost causing accidents, then he's got a major problem, and so do all of you who think this isn't an issue.
  16. bethany middleton from Canada writes: Alistair, where does it say that Syed's solution is islam. What I see is someone correcting the usual oversimplified stereotypes of Islam. As a 'jest', it wasn't funny (and I'm not even Islamic....in fact, I'd consider myself atheist, but your comment just wasn't funny. It was a cheap shot).
  17. Erik Richards from Winnipeg, Canada, writes: It's really simple. There's looking and then there is looking. One is a glance, taking in the beautiful sights, and the other is a double take that would make Roger Rabbit look subtle.

    Also, it depends on the woman. If she is insecure or otherwise doesn't appreciate it, you have to learn to be subtle. Respect your partner, it's a simple as that. On the other hand, some women don't mind their men looking, so long as they know the difference between looking and touching.
  18. Chris G from Ottawa, Canada writes: Here are two ways to help your cause: 1: invest in some dark sunglasses. 2: train your peripheral vision to help better select the ogle-worthy. 3: improve your timing. Steal a glance, don't get hypnotized. In the interests of full disclosure, however, I failed to listed to my own advice and almost crashed my car after staring too long at a passing jogger. That'll learn me!
  19. Steve Gibbons from Calgary, Canada writes: LOL to the Wight's comment. 'Work rationally.'

    When has that ever worked when discussing something with a girlfriend.
  20. Velma from Burlington from Canada writes: If this guy is almost causing an accident then yes, he needs to get his ogling under control. One of my exes once obviously ogled a girl while we were on our way to a movie. So of course the next good looking guy I caught sight of was treated to the slow up and down glance, complete with a satisfied smile on my face. The ex wasn't too impressed, but I pointed out that I had just as much right to ogle as he did. Then I hit him with the phrase 'you can look at the menu, but you'd better eat at home'. Didn't really sink in too much, hence the reason why he is an ex.
  21. Sleepy Head from Canada writes: Not all women are jealous. I'm not, because I know it's natural and I don't kid myself--of course everyone does it. I ogle men all the time! But I am DISCREET about it. Men should learn to do it this way too.

    BTW since when does Gwyneth Paltrow have a booty, or a derriere. Pfft.
  22. Unknown User! from Canada writes: Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: Wear mirror 'singlasses'.

    hahaha that made me laugh.
  23. K Kal from Canada writes: Yea I almost crashed once, some of these joggers DAMN.
  24. K Kal from Canada writes:
    And COME ON

    look at that cheerleader in the picture, her booty is right in front of beckham's face, whats he supposed to do, turn away in disgust? lol

    posh should only be worried if he wasnt ogling cuz that would mean something's wrong with him.
  25. B A from Canada writes: As many here have mentioned, discretion is key. This can be handled mostly through facial expression. Practice the whole thousand yard stare thing and an impassive face (think Terminator). If you don't emote chances are she won't know what you were looking at. Inside you might be drooling, but if you have no facial expression what's she going to accuse you of? Tracking a moving target? I also have to agree with those other posters who mention that your girlfriend might not be the one for you. In this case, I'd recommend trying to find a girl who is bi. Then the two of you can ogle together. Everybody wins.
  26. jhane ball from Canada writes: LOL i loved this article!!!! I once dated a guy who had constant whiplash from oggling women, especially when I was driving the car. I know he's still got that problem and its chronic, but now his status has changed from boyfriend to FB and the tables have been turned!!!
  27. Cheryl Nelson from Bloomington, MN, United States writes: Chris G from Ottawa, Canada writes: 'Here are two ways to help your cause: 1: invest in some dark sunglasses. 2: train your peripheral vision to help better select the ogle-worthy. 3: improve your timing. Steal a glance, don't get hypnotized. In the interests of full disclosure, however, I failed to listed to my own advice and almost crashed my car after staring too long at a passing jogger. That'll learn me!' __________


    Do not gasp something like, 'she's got legs right up to her neck!' when ogling. Equally importantly, do not gasp, 'My God, look at those tits' so audibly it can be heard across half a restaurant when seated next to your girlfriend! Ouch!
  28. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Jennifer Rollison from Canada writes: Sometimes the one being ogled is offended, too. Be discreet boys, be discreet...
  29. P Mac from Canada writes: I think it is disrespectful to ogle too much. My relationship just ended because I could not stand his constant staring at other women. It led me to distrust him and made me jealous.

    Jealousy is a fault of mine but this guy would not curb his behavior but seemed to make it even more obvious because of my concerns. The first problem was walking behind me in the mall so that he could look and smail at people.

    Then it became smiling and staring at waitresses and other women. I asked him to curb it and make it more subtle as I did. I look or glance at men but don't stare. He found this too restrictive.

    It ended badly. even though I care for him.
  30. Dennis sinneD from Calgary, Canada writes:

    More or Less from Canada writes: 'Not necessarily Paul ... there's a line between an appreciative glance and a driving-off-the-road-gawk.. ...'

    I absolutely agree. Don't degrade the person you're with.

    I had a jealous girlfriend in my late teens and early twenties. It ruined our relationship. I remember it was so bad, I once looked in the rear view mirror to be sure some people, parked on the side of the highway, at night, in a motorhome weren't waving for help or something, and she got mad. They were just silhouettes!

    Anyhow, she's gone now (thankfully).

    My wife of 17 years, however, is confident in our relationship and her looks, so it's no problem when I take a discreet peek.
  31. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Jennifer Rollison from Canada writes: Just a thought...his 'ogling' style sounds very, very immature, too...she should dump the dope...
  32. k w from Regina, Canada writes: Hilarious how guys ogle other girls while they're going out with someone, but when the girl does the same he pulls a little jealous insecure tantrum like a little baby. Love the hypocrisy...
  33. k w from Regina, Canada writes: I should mention girls are always ogling other guys even when they're dating someone or are married. It's only right that instead of settling for mediocrity, they're always on the lookout for something better. It's nature.
  34. k w from Regina, Canada writes: Forgot to mention the thousands of ever-so-manly wife-beaters out there who are so insecure, possessive, and jealous they smack their wives around if they even so much are just randomly looking at the horizon and there just happens to be a dark shadow of a guy 300 feet away walking by. How many wife-beaters are there compared to the number of husband-beaters? Oh, that's right, thousands and thousands more. But yeah, it's only women that spaz when their significant other looks at someone else...hilarious...
  35. Shane Mason from Canada writes: Man. Darfur, Iraq, Afghanistan, contagion in northern Ontario, politicians with criminal ties. And THIS article is what people want to talk about?

    Let's please get some perspective here people.
  36. J.C. Davies from Canada writes:
    The key is discretion.
  37. K Kal from Canada writes:
    That picture should have a caption for beckham
    something like 'Damn I wanna hit that!' would be good lol
  38. M L from Canada writes: k w from Regina, Canada writes: Hilarious how guys ogle other girls while they're going out with someone, but when the girl does the same he pulls a little jealous insecure tantrum like a little baby. Love the hypocrisy...

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Actually, I was going to ask the gentlemen here... how do men feel about their woman checking out other men? Do they mind? Doesn't matter? Would like to know, please.
  39. The Blind Man Is King from Burlytown, Canada writes: For the record Dave, the cheerleader was wearing short shorts and not a mini skirt. Trust me ... I ogled the bejesus out of her too.
  40. Sue City from Canada writes: Wow. If my boyfriend DIDN'T look, I'd be worried about him. Lighten up, folks!
  41. David Linton from Canada writes: Steve Gibbons from Calgary, Canada writes: LOL to the Wight's comment. 'Work rationally.'

    When has that ever worked when discussing something with a girlfriend.
    Posted 09/05/08 at 1:00 PM EDT | Alert an Editor | Link to Comment

    Best post ever...applies to a lot of situations....
  42. Na Ni from Toronto, Canada writes: Almost got into an accident checking out some girl in front of his girlfriend?? You can't blame her for getting mad at that. It's embarassing and disrespectful for the girl. How would he feel if she drools over some hot guy driving a nice car in front of him?
  43. K S from Velo City, Canada writes: Wow. Interesting stuff to consider. Here's something for all the gawkers calling themselves Christians: 'If a man so much as looks at another woman with lust, he has already committed adultery in his heart.' -- Jesus If people are so hard-wired that it's impossible to control what they gawk at, how could a man - granted, now a worshipped diety by some but at the time just a man with the same temptations - have possibly made that kind of statement? Did he know something then that we don't know now? Has something changed in our physiology that an action people could apparently avoid doing in the past suddenly becomes as automatic and almost as unavoidable as blinking? Surely our society has changed drastically when we have gone from Puritanical views (admittedly, not a good thing), to insisting on our right to that eyeful of attractiveness while our partners squirm or try not to notice? Subtle or not, looking is looking. When you really try to think about why, saying 'everyone else does', or 'it's not hurting anyone' only deals with the mechanics of it or the aftermath, not the actual reason. There's a reason most people deny some urges (like peeing on the sidewalk) and satisfy others. Think for a minute. What is that reason? Societal permission, perhaps? Do our conceptions about what society accepts really control us that much? Just because TV tells us it is OK, do we really have to do it? I once watched part of a popular TV show where a husband and wife were talking about his perfectly OK 'crush' on an attractive neighbor. Where do the mandates of social permission come from - TV producers? Are they the ones who tell us what our reality is? ... I'd be interested to see some thoughts on this aspect of the 'ogling' phenomenon.
  44. K S from Velo City, Canada writes: Wow. Interesting stuff to consider. Here's something for all the gawkers calling themselves Christians: 'If a man so much as looks at another woman with lust, he has already committed adultery in his heart.' -- Jesus If people are so hard-wired that it's impossible to control what they gawk at, how could a man - granted, now a worshipped diety by some but at the time just a man with the same temptations - have possibly made that kind of statement? Did he know something then that we don't know now? Has something changed in our physiology that an action people could apparently avoid doing in the past suddenly becomes as automatic and almost as unavoidable as blinking? Surely our society has changed drastically when we have gone from Puritanical views (admittedly, not a good thing), to insisting on our right to that eyeful of attractiveness while our partners squirm or try not to notice? Subtle or not, looking is looking. When you really try to think about why, saying 'everyone else does', or 'it's not hurting anyone' only deals with the mechanics of it or the aftermath, not the actual reason. There's a reason most people deny some urges (like peeing on the sidewalk) and satisfy others. Think for a minute. What is that reason? Societal permission, perhaps? Do our conceptions about what society accepts really control us that much? Just because TV tells us it is OK, do we really have to do it? I once watched part of a popular TV show where a husband and wife were talking about his perfectly OK 'crush' on an attractive neighbor. Where do the mandates of social permission come from - TV producers? Are they the ones who tell us what our reality is? ... I'd be interested to see some thoughts on this aspect of the 'ogling' phenomenon.
  45. Dan Thomas from Canada writes: I don't mind if my wife checks out other guys, she married me.
  46. Terry F from Edmonton, Canada writes: Why ogle when you can gawk, gape or leer? Amateurs. :)
  47. No Name Necessary from Canada writes: I think the guy has a problem. A quick glance is one thing, getting completely distracted like that and driving off a road is something else and I assume that any girl you date will not appreciate your constant staring at other women. Also it's just plain rude.
  48. Alberto Bayo from Canada writes: Looking at a beautiful woman is no different than gazing at a beautiful sunset or a beautiful piece of art. Women are the most gorgeous things on the planet (well, some of them). Keep on looking and tell her to grow up, or ship out.
  49. K S from Velo City, Canada writes: Perhaps in his heart-of-hearts he likes getting a jealous rise out of her. The possibility of women fighting over you - isn't that what TV tells men to like?
  50. K S from Velo City, Canada writes: Albert, when is the last time a beautiful sunset nearly caused you to crash your car? How about that priceless work of art making return glances at you and getting you to leave your girlfriend? Yes, a lot of women are beautiful creatures. But that's not what makes men stare. It's the 'beautiful creature would look nice on my arm' thought - or other, unmentionable, thoughts about where they'd like to see that beautiful creature - that really holds ogling men spellbound. Would you concede that?
  51. R J from Montreal, Canada writes: Wear sunglasses and just use your peripheral vision dog-brother.
  52. The Wight from Canada writes: This guy really is an amateur.

    There is an art to this and you can camouflage a lot of discreet glances with a quick tap on her elbow, a squeeze of her forearm, etc. Think like a pickpocket. A quick redirection of attention can get you away with a lot of ogling.
  53. Mom Ottawa from ottawa, Canada writes: It would be nice if men spent as much time improving their own appearance (or better yet intelligence and sensitivity) as they do justifying their leering and drooling over attractive women they objectify into physical specimens which is considered normal behaviour in today’s society.
  54. J S from Toronto, Canada writes: I have ex-girlfriends that have slapped me for looking at other women. I also have ex-girlfriends who would point out women for me to ogle. I think the question of ogle or nogle depends on your relationship.
  55. Right On the Left Coast from Vancouver, Canada writes: Mom Ottawa is right - it is rude to admire women for their faces, cleavages and butts. You should admire them for their brains, their guts, and their hearts. So I advise you ogle their brains, guts, and hearts...if the other bits are unfortunately located in a direct line between you, well that's God's fault, isn't it?
  56. jan bakker from Canada writes: Talk about irony, women spend all that time ,effort, and money to be noticed, and when they are, cry foul! In essence, women are their own worst enemy.
  57. AJ Flint from maledom, Canada writes: Awwww man; after you`re reading your comments, Im still confused!!

    (and here I thought I actually learned how to be a more sensitive dude!!)

    shrugs

    Back to the drawing board.

    P.S. I wonder if Becks, in said `ogling picture`, was not instead looking at that womans behind to make sure that she wasnt going to blatantly put it IN his face, or ON his lap. (He IS Beckham you know; and some women ARE that blatant about wanting you to see, or appreciate!!)

    With that being said; I usually make a crack or joke on Viking styled blonde guys, or `rickiesque latin guys before my girl does; as she`, similarily, makes cracks or jokes about stereotypically hot women we see before I even have the synopsis (sp?) finished in my own brain.

    ;)

    Stay what your woman and man wants, and none of this drama should cause problems.

    Cheers.
  58. Mary Coyote from what would make the oceans rise 300 feet?, Canada writes: Funny!

    Our attitudes are prudish hypocritical and immature. When people dress for sexual stimulation; when breasts lips and asses are plumped coloured and shaped to excite; when metro is used to describe men obsessed with being attractive; when our society pumps sex sex sex.................gee wizz folks?

    I remember a boyfriend who was always looking around as we drove, but at what? I can't remember what was said, but I suddenly realized that he was looking at and admiring cars, while I was looking into the cars at the people inside. Should I have kept him?
  59. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Mr. Justice from Canada writes: 'Something politically correct.'

    Okay, NOW will the GAM publish my comment ?
  60. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Mr. Justice from Canada writes: Thanks. Let's move on:

    'Something that slams the male gender.'

    Now I KNOW the GAM will publish my comment.
  61. Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: Mom Ottawa from ottawa, Canada writes: 'It would be nice if men spent as much time improving their own appearance as they do justifying their leering and drooling over attractive women they objectify into physical specimens which is considered normal behaviour in today’s society.'

    All the better for you to 'objectify' them, I suppose?
  62. Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes: jan bakker from Canada writes: 'Talk about irony, women spend all that time ,effort, and money to be noticed, and when they are, cry foul!'

    THey only want to be noticed by the young, good looking, wealthy guys - married or not.
  63. daniel saliken from Vancouver, Canada writes: I think a quick check-out is human nature for both men and women, but be discreet for the respect of everyone, especially for your gal if you care for her. The funny thing is I am always getting busted ogling my own wife. Her friends are always telling her how cool it is they catch me admiring her when she is not looking. Maybe the trick is marrying the right person. I am just crazy for her, but as one poster said...I get enough nutrition at home. In fairness its a circle though. She invests in me and so I dig her so she invests more...Me acting like a hound would not be good for that circle.
  64. Watching the country slip away . . . one concession after another from Canada writes: Ogling is something that boys can't help - therefore it's genetic and as a result, becomes an issue of discrimination and human rights. Do we tell folks who are gay that they can't act gay? Or keep it low key? No, we don't - so there - let us ogle, because we can't help it. To criticize is to discriminate. Consider yourself lucky that we don't file a complaint with the Human Rights Commissions in all provinces. We are the real victims here!
  65. D M from Canada writes: Steve Not an Alberta Redneck from Calgary, Canada writes 'All the better for you to 'objectify' them, I suppose? '

    Not really Steve, just so that they can look presentable, which some (not all) men don't seem to care about.

    I agree with others who say looking in an apreciative 'wow she's pretty' manner is perfectly acceptable as long as it doesn't cause an accident and ends at that. Also, don't forget that the person you are ogling and objectifying may not like it and be offended if it is disrespectful and over the top. There's a fine line there.
  66. emilio D from Vancouver, Canada writes: Don't go to Hooter's with the wife no matter what.
  67. Cut The Crap from Canada writes: Ask your girlfriend why she spends so much time and effort dressing up to go out, even if you are not around, and she will say that she does it because it makes her feel good.

    Translation: she feels good when men check her out and flirt with her.

    That is nature.

    And don't you feel proud walking beside her when other men are checking out your girlfriend?

    If you think women complain when men ogle them, you should see what happens when men don't ogle them. It's ugly: they are depressed, let their appearance go, forget to bathe. Then they get angry, furious at their lot in life, beat their cats silly. And when they are ready to explode in fury....
    ...
    they become feminists.
    .
  68. Mr. Coffee from Victoria, Canada writes: So what's the problem? Men & women stare. It's science, baby. That girlfriend needs to trust you now or she never will.
  69. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Macander X from Out West, Canada writes: My wife doesn't know what I see in the girls I check out and I don't know what she sees in the guys she checks out, and we've got on great for the last 20 years. Jealousy is hell on a relationship unless you play by the rules set down by the controlling partner (which can change at any time, without warning, especially at a certain time of the month). If you can't do that, kiss her good bye and wish her good luck.
  70. Gordon Murray from Canada writes: At times mlling crowds will cause a Pom-Pom bearing cheerleader to fall into seating. There's a duty that the seated and 'alledgely' specially coordinated have to catch such falling Pom-Pom bearing cheerleaders. How does one judge exactly WHERE the Pom-Poms END and the cheerleader begins? Some say there's the RED CAPE of the matador that a bull forever looks at. It catches the eye. The matador is safe from a bull that sees only the cape that's moving. On the flip side, the idea is to catch NOT the Pom Poms, but that which might be BULL for only Taurus. Maybe she's a TAURUS , like a REVERSE TAURUS or something. You're supposed to IGNORE that red cape that is moving POM POMs and catch some of that fleshy part that is base that's falling. That just happens to be what some cameras DO NOT take into account. It's like special rescue preparation based on the POM POM exemption. How many athletic falls must these brave young women suffer before punishment to 'the would-be closely-seated rescue-minded' are allowed logistics scoping? Some say that that 'scoping' that is 'examination', like 'trajectory estimation', maybe in part visual 'Pom Pom' ignoring attempt, is an INSULT to those cheerleaders, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWenp-BONI8&mode=related&search= as if they are so nimble as to never suffer clumsy milling crowds. Cheers Falls http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PN_CoZQa1Q
  71. Harbinger from Out West from Prince George, Canada writes: Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Right?
  72. Bill B from Thornyhill, Canada writes: This article hits on the major issue my partner and I have had for years. She says it demeans her especially as my eyes go to blondes and she is a brunette, young when we are both middle aged.

    I really have no answers, but I do know I would love it if she ogled men and we could be completely open about this. I also know, I have no real interest in these other women - but that doesn't matter (or is questionable according to her). I never flirt, never even talk with these people and have no desire to. Plus they are out of mind the minute they are gone. All matters not in the least.

    I also know I would never get away with the nogle, as I never have before. Are some women super sensitive, or am way way too obvious despite my efforts?

    Instead I confine my eyes to her face and feel resentful, that this normal human trait is repressed. I also live in fear of bumping into a half naked young thing whenever I'm with her - there's going to be an ugly discussion whenever that happens no matter my reaction.

    I know the answer some will give - grow some cojones. But I am in love and don't want to leave
  73. Expert Eel from Canada writes: sorry, I like to look at good looking people as well, but as a moderatley intelligent human being, I have the ability to avert my eyes to avoid hurting my partner's feelings.
  74. Kevin Desmoulin from Toronto, Canada writes: ogling my girlfriends have made them furious at times never mind others,
    it just natural, try to be subdued about it I think eddie getting the action from the almost accident, I imagine she think he out there distracted all the time.
  75. Keystone Provincial from NOT Winnipeg, Canada writes: A few years back I was on a cruise with 15 members of family and I was sitting by the pool admiring all the nubile young bikini-clad bodies. I found myself staring at one particularly lithe creature when I happend to look up at her face and realized it was my own niece! I was totally shocked and embarrassed by that. It made me wonder, being a teacher, how many of the women I ogle back home might be former students or mothers of students, an equally embarrassing prospect for all concerned. Since then I have taken to first looking in their eyes before admiring the rest of their form, although nowadays I just give them a smile and let it go at that. I do, however, look at and admire athletic types, male and female, who have exceptionally good muscle tone or who whiz by on bicycles, where I mostly check out the machine they are riding. Ooooo, nothing gives me the chills like a sleek, carbon road bike or a well-decked-out full suspension mountain bike bearing the names of Giant, Specialized, Trek or (shiver) Cervelo!
  76. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Mr. Justice from Canada writes: Bud, If YOU ogle women, you're a 'typical male' engaging in sexist behavior permitted by 'the patriarchy,' and she's right to get mad, blah blah blah.

    If SHE ogles men, it's acceptable behavior, and if you get mad, then it means that you're insecure as a man, blah blah blah.

    It's pretty simple.
  77. Mom Ottawa from ottawa, Canada writes: To be truthful I dress down to avoid being ogled. If there were more attractive men in my age range (mid 40s) I could share in the pass time. But there is a sad lack of the same. I find men as they age don't take care of themselves because they are so convinced that they don't have to. This is the paradox of manhood. Outward focused.
    So if I do get dressed up, I get interesting comments from single guys who are 25. And I really am not looking for that.
    That is why I said men should take a look in the mirror. Men can be attractive too. God gave them the potential for broad shoulders, small hips, lots of muscles, a six pack, smooth skin. The list goes on. Gosh. What is the excuse?
    It is so funny that men only see women's physical attributes. Take a look at Brad Pitt. Yes it is possible. With no plastic surgery. Or certainly to take a little time and attention for self improvement.
    Then the ogling could be more two sided and you probably wouldn't hear so many women complaining about it.
  78. John Silverman from Canada writes: I think it's natural, and I know personally - I couldn't control it even if I tried, so it doesn't even matter.

    I actually like when I catch my wife looking at other guys, and she often points out girls for me to look at.

    I don't fully buy the idea that looking at women is somehow rude, but I guess it depends what you mean. If you sit across someone on the sbuway and literally stared the whole time - that's too much. But looking from afar? I don't see the issue. You're in public. You can look at me if you like. That's just life.
  79. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Mr. Justice from Canada writes: It's so funny that some women have a need to wallow in anti-male stereotypes. But comforting, no doubt.

    And so many women spend so much money on making themselves look attractive (to whom ? men ?) while denouncing men who respond to such attempts. Quite a paradox. And they rationalize their expenditures on such 'outward' things as . . . 'self-improvement'. Clever.
  80. Cubby . from Ontario, Canada writes: A slightly different perspective. Some women find it embarrassing to be blatantly ogled at by another woman's partner. Perhaps it's a sisterhood thing, but it's not enjoyable when it causes another woman to feel insecure or disrespected.

    In the way of ogling, there's a huge difference between just a fleeting recognition that someone is attractive - that's perfectly natural! - versus guys (and ok, maybe women) that have their eyes bugging out and their tongues hanging out.
  81. Sissy Schuss from Canada writes: If his ogling is hardwired than how is it possible to unlearn? Further - if his ogling is hardwired then her reaction to it might also be hardwired - eg it may be jealousy and emotional - but it may also be biological at its core - she see's him eyeing up potential rivals

    further further further more - perhaps she is also ogling other females - sizing them up not for attractiveness but as potential rivals and so on and on it goes....
  82. poka poka from Canada writes: I catch my boyfriend checking out other women once in a while. He is gentleman and never does so in a disrepectful manner. Sometimes he will simply state that he thinks a certain woman is beautiful.

    I think he has good taste.

  83. Richard Hawrelak from Sarnia, Canada writes: D. Grant above tells it for me. Today, my lovie of some 56 years and I were walking the Watson Trial in Sarnia. Just before we entered the trail, two lovie young ladies with beautiful bottoms walked just ahead of us. My wife stated, 'You hit the jackpot this morning. Aren't they lovely?'

    I defie any man to not ogle a lovely ladie ... anywhere.
  84. Rex Bradley from Oakville, Canada writes: My ex used to give me static about this behaviour. She was a dropdead beauty and had nothing to fear. I told her this, ' just because I have a Rembrandt, doesn't mean I'm going to going to galleries'. Still, the next time....
  85. Rollo Tomasi from Sweet Hot, Belgium writes: She's your girl friend, not your wife, dump her.

    Dude, time to learn how to be serripticious if you want to be voyeuristic and happy, easier done without some nag at your side.

    Shades help. Get Serengetis, gape away and remember, we cannot be held accountable for our thoughts.
  86. jan bakker from Canada writes: Cut The Crap from Canada writes:
    If you think women complain when men ogle them, you should see what happens when men don't ogle them. It's ugly: they are depressed, let their appearance go, forget to bathe. Then they get angry, furious at their lot in life, beat their cats silly. And when they are ready to explode in fury....
    ...
    they become feminists.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    comical, but with a ring of truth in it. Good comment!
  87. Devonnay Stratton from writes: Here's what women need to understand: just because a man ogles other women doesn't mean that he would rather be with them, unless of course your relationship is purely physical (which I wouldn't really call a relationship). If you're in it for the long haul, you know that your mate (from the perspective of men or women) is the right combination of attractive, a captivating personality, some common beliefs and interests, as well as the right time and place in your life. There are so many factors that SHOULD go into whether you should be with someone. Ogling merely satisfies one of those needs and is a short-term fix. I think both sexes like having the whole package, if it's available.
  88. Mr. Coffee from Victoria, Canada writes: My wife saw me glancing @ a smoking hot blonde in her roller blade attire (shorts, sports top, etc) and pointed out it's OK. She thinks Hugh Jackman is 'da bomb'. No problem on my account.

    Message to the insecure women out there: Happy relationships have trust. If the trust ain't there, the relationship may be doomed. I don't need the Dr. Phil & Oprah wannabees out there pyscho-analysing everything.

    We all appreciate beauty. What's the problem?
  89. Shirley Jackson from Oliver, BC, Canada writes: Ogling isn't the problem. The problem is the girlfriend. She behaves as if she is married. Ladies, you got to date, date, date many men at the same time until Mr. Right proposes. Love is a numbers game. Think big numbers: 100, 500, 1000 men. Don't be a girlfriend. Don't move in with him. When men want to buy the most expensive car in world, they are allowed to test drive it once.
  90. Cecile O'Connor from Canada writes: I think this boils down to respecting the person you are conversing or spending time with. I have friends and acquaintances who always glance away or get distracted several times by other people around them in the middle of a conversation with me and you know what? It IS rude! It's nothing to do with emotional or jealousy issues; it's just the art of letting the other person you are with know they have all your attention. If your girlfriend is talking to you and she catches you looking at someone else (i.e. another woman) while she is trying to get your attention herself, than yes, that is rude. I'm guessing she let a lot of these incidents pass before she told you how she felt about it, too. However now it's serious because you made her not only feel unimportant, but you crossed the line of how secure she feels when in your company, since you nearly avoided a car accident. Just make an effort to make her feel like she is the only woman in the world when you are with her! And if you can't do that, then perhaps you are doomed for a life of superficial relationships.
  91. Globe Insider subscriber content
    Mr. Justice from Canada writes: Cecile: You illustrate my point (above). Thanks.
  92. jer greene from montreal, Canada writes: heterosexuality can be so fragile. why so?
  93. Janet M from Kingston, Canada writes: I think it is not such a big deal...that need to check others out is in most of us..if we are honest. There are guys I know in good stable relationships who are looking all the time..I would assume just looking..we gals do it too. I am thinking this guy and his girl are somehow not that well matched.
  94. Cut The Crap from Canada writes: jan bakker, Thanks!
  95. Ricky for a Centrist Canada from Canada writes:
    There's a huge double standard with this.

    If women ogle another man and their husband/boyfriend complains,