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Are you hyper-parenting?

Globe and Mail Update

Latest comment posted at 4:24 PM EST 26/05/08

Carl Honoré, Canadian philosopher and author of Under Pressure: Rescuing Childhood from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting, takes your questions ...Read the full article

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  1. Peter The Not Quite Great from Edmonton, Canada writes: I can see it now. Legions of parents will start worrying that they aren't 'relaxed enough'.

    Seriously though, a lot of hyper-parenting may be due to the fact that we have regarded children as a 'blank slate' for decades. We have convinced ourselves that they will be the product of whatever influences we bring to bear. A perfect recipe for anxiety and hyper-parenting.

    The truth is, a lot of a person's innate abilities and even personality is genetically driven. Environment is a factor also but it's not everything. So we should relax a little since much of our efforts don't do anything to change a child's innate characteristics. We all know people who just aren't interested in music even though they had musical parents, for example.

    I like the way Carl Honore puts it, discover the person your child is instead of trying to make them the product you think they should be.
  2. Lisa Jones a proud anglo - celt from Canada writes: I believe you have to give your child many opportunities to experiment and find their way. That being said, I somewhat disagree with Honore. Most of the children of most of my friends will not have much success in life. They are all on drugs and overweight, etc. And those parents let all of their kids have plenty of freedom in their early youth. They ALL walked to school, spent time home alone (latch key kids) etc, and directed their homework schedule. I am also a teacher who is seeing a huge difference in academic ability between those 'free range' kids and those whose parents seem to be always hovering in the background. There is a time to let go...and that time is not while the child is still in school..that much I can promise. Because the children of the hovering parents are doing vastly better than other kids. Leaver it to Beaver days are long gone; parents should be an arms length away; and not to worry because your kids will tell you when to back off.

    By the way, I am also in the USA, and even though most kids will absolutely NEVER be abducted, in the state I am living in there have been several high profile murders of mainly white university women this year alone, along with a male graduate student. The entire community is still reeling from this.
  3. stand up mimi from Vancouver, Canada writes: There is a big difference between giving your kids some space to learn to be independent, and letting them do whatever they like. Honore isn't advocating letting kids run wild and do homework only if they feel like it. Kids still need parenting, but they need space as well in order to learn who they are, to be creative, and to become capable adults. I was a 'free range' kid, as were almost all my peers, and believe me, we did not suffer academically. Kids don't need parents hovering over them all day. Case in point: Annie Dillard, in her book An American Childhood, writes about her early interest in microbiology after someone gave her a microscope. She would go out to ponds by herself to find life to study (at about age 10 or even younger). The first time she saw something wiggling under the lens, she dashed off to show her parents. But they let her understand that this was her interest, not theirs, and that while they would enable her to develop her own interests, they would not be co-participants in them. So many parents seem to want to participate in all their kids' activities. I'm not saying don't look in the microscope if your child is excited about an amoeba, but is it necessary to call out instructions from the dock when your son is canoeing with his Scout group? By the way, Annie Dillard became a naturalist and a Pulitzer prize winning author, so I'd say she turned out okay.
  4. Sue City from Canada writes: 'Parents are now turning up at job interviews to help negotiate salaries and vacation packages!'

    You can't be serious.

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