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Like watching a car crash, in slow motion

Eric Reguly, May 14, 2008 at 8:32 AM EDT

fiat and driving and italy

I have entered the Italian driver's licence netherworld. I don't know how I will emerge, or what condition I will be in when I do. If I do.

I was told by my expat friends in Rome that getting an Italian driver's licence is akin to unravelling a Gordian Knot. Everyone has a different story, ranging from the amusing to the horrific. Everyone tries to game the system. I know people who have lived here for a decade or more who have found, or claimed to have found, devious ways to get around the rule that residents, whether foreign or Italian, must have Italian licences.

Being the all-Canadian boy scout, I would play it straight.

My first idea was to swap my Canadian licence for an Italian one. I went to the local driving school – “Scuola Guida” – a storefront that does more than just fling you into a Fiat and nudge you into murderous traffic while your instructor smokes and prays. It also arranges the paperwork for car, motorcycle and boating licences. It has a classroom where driving “theory” is taught. The place is cluttered with car posters and engines, their innards exposed. In Italy, you are expected to have a basic knowledge of how a car moves forward and how to change a tire. Good idea, actually.

I handed Pietro (the name has been changed to protect the guilty) my Ontario driver's licence. Nice try, he said. Canada has provincial licences. You can't trade a lowly provincial licence – mutton dressed as sheep, apparently – for a national licence.

That left me with two options: The full driving course or attempting to swap my entirely valid, empire pink, U.K. licence for an Italian one. The former filled me with dread. I would have to attend night theory classes. I would have to write exams and take driving lessons.

My mother, who was born in Italy, went through this in Rome some 35 years ago. I am not making this up: She got yelled at when she had the audacity to stop at a red light when no other cars were around. The whole process would take a couple of months and drain €500 from my pocket. Plus I would probably fail the test. My friends say foreigners routinely flunk first time around. I opted for the U.K. licence swap.

Pietro said the U.K. swap should work and told me I needed three photos and a medical certificate. No problem, I said; I needed to see my doctor anyway. No, said Pietro, you have to use our doctor. Come back on Tuesday night.

That was last night. After filling out several forms, and watching Pietro stamp this and that for about 15 minutes, I was ushered in to see the “doctor,” who looked suspiciously like a driving instructor. He asked how I was feeling. Fine, I said. He checked off a bunch of boxes on the medical form. That was it. Next came the eye test. He told me to remove my glasses and read the chart. I couldn't make out anything but the biggest letter. Well you can't drive, he said. But I wear glasses, I explained. So try with your glasses, he replied. That worked a charm. He urged me never to drive without my glasses. I told him that wouldn't be a problem.

Home free? Not quite. More paperwork was to come. I gave Pietro my U.K. licence. He looked like he was handed a dead fish. The licence says I was born in Canada. The Italian application form demands the city or town of birth as well as the country. Vancouver is where I was born, I said. But Vancouver doesn't appear on the U.K. licence, he said; you have to send it back and tell the Brits to stamp “Vancouver” on it. I said all U.K. licences are the same – none shows the city of birth, just the country. The omission baffled him. He would send off the forms but could not guarantee they would pass muster at the big office.

You have to realize that none of this was confrontational. Losing your temper with Italian bureaucracy is futile at best, fatal at worst. I in fact was quite enjoying the cultural experience and the thrill of not knowing when I would hit the next regulatory tripwire. Pietro seemed amused too. He wanted to practice his English.

At that point I realized he liked me. When I paid the hefty €140 fee, he handed me back a few euros. That wasn't the change. He just felt like giving me a break on the price. There was no receipt, of course. I should find out within a couple of weeks whether the swap works. I am trying to psych myself up for driving school. I am terrified.

  1. Robert Mutis from Port Coquitlam, Canada writes: Thanks for this hilarious account. I hope you get your Italian license, which I suspect you will after you grease a few more palms.
  2. Canadrian H!el from Belgium writes: Just got back this weekend from two weeks driving around Italy. Courses in self-defence and quick reflex enhancement might serve you better than driving lessons!
    One way out is to get an international licence next time you're back in Canada and renew it every year - you're not supposed to but...
  3. MQ9 Reaper from Canada writes: Awesome - I love the account of your experiences. I particularly admire the fact that instead of getting mad with frustration, you chose to "enjoy the cultural experience". I would do the same.
  4. Rollo Tomasi from Belgium writes: Luckily Belgium accepts an Ontario Drivers' license, no need for an international license.

    By the way Eric, it is illegal to be in possession of more than one drivers' licence.
  5. francesco galassi from Ferrara, Italy writes: Oh, come on, you call that difficult? You haven't even started. Try bringing into to forsaken country a UK registered car - in case you are wondering, this was not some (shudder!) Asian or Americam import of dubious quality, this was a VW. That's got "Made in EU" stamped on the bodywork.

    And, you know, Robert Mutis from Port Coquitlam, you are too optimistic. It's not a question of greasing palms. It's that with hundreds of incompatible, half-baked laws in place, no bureaucrat will accept reponsibility for saying a final 'yes' to anything. Corruption is just the by-product of stupid laws but it does not work unless both the corrupter and the corruptee know each other.

    Now, if Mr Reguly would like to get in touch, I will be happy to introduce him ....

    ;-)

    and while we wait, I will even tell him the story of the evil gas meter housing or the never ending lawsuit ...
  6. Ed Op from Canada writes: Um, maybe I missed something, but when my wife and I were in Italy for our honeymoon a few years back I rented a car in Rome using my Ontario Drivers' license and had no difficulty. Just rented the car and off we went to Florence. Some of the scariest (and most fun) driving of my life but had no trouble with bureaucracy. Best moment was when we finally got to Florence and, unable to find our way anywhere (if you've been there you know why), asked a local for directions. His reply? "You're driving? You crazy? I live here and I don't try to drive around town! It's impossible!"

    We did eventually find our hotel and promptly turned the car in at the Florence branch of the rental agency.

    I guess there must be a difference between renting and owning that requires the local license.
  7. Don Quixote from The cloudy cool Pollution Belt, Ont., Canada writes: My past experiences with driving in (mainly northern Italy) was a 2 hour stall in a traffic circle which was fed by 5 roads in Padova. It was rush hour on top of it, masses of cars pushing almost at the verge of colliding into this circular maelstream from which i was to emerge towards the road leading to Ravenna. Fist politely trying to edge my way in or out did not help at all, then seeing how the locals forced themselves into any crevice, almoust hitting, yet still no damages, i adapted and finally after white knuckle expectations of impeding low speed bumping made it out of there. Out on the lesser driven roads, and outside of cities i found Italians quite courteous drivers, and actually forgiving small mishaps on misanderstood signs and so on, other than in Austria and Germany where they push a bit their 'extended' rules of personal traffic rights. They also drive with 'Gusto' and fair, and 'zooming' through some of the tight serpentines with little five speed cars adds additional driving thrills. On the Auto Stradas watch sometimes people propelling their Ferraries and Lambo's at speeds our local constabulary would have their radar counters topping out, only to brake in a billowing cloud of smoke, because a 90km/hr regulated truck passes another one at about 92km/hr speed.....
  8. Andre Poirier from Canada writes: I did not know it was that bad ...

    I thought and still think that Ontario has bad enough bureaucracy but this is absolutely amazing. Ontario still has its share of bad bureaucracy but our driver's licensing program is pretty straightforward.

    I have been to Europe but not Italy - should go sometime.

    Thanks for the tid bit of experience there.
  9. Able Bodied Man from It's NOT 'VICTORIA' Island, Canada writes:
    With a British Columbia licence, I rented a car in Milano and drove to the Val d'Aosta. Fabulous trip. The traffic circle was great. No markings. Everyone goes in, shakes about for a bit and comes out at the place intended. As I was driving 80 mph in the fast lane of a quiet 4-lane divided highway I noticed in my rear-view mirror a black object approaching from some distance back. It came closer and closer very quickly. I moved over to the slow lane and a black car screamed by going a ridiculus speed. All part of the fun of Italy.
  10. Able Bodied Man from It's NOT 'VICTORIA' Island, Canada writes:
    BLAME EVERYONE BUT...

    In BC the government insurance company blames everyone for accidents except the dolts who design and build the frustratingly stupid system of intersections on the Vancouver Island highway system. This sytem is the only one I've seen that carries people into the 20th Century as it progresses from built to under-built.
  11. Randal Oulton from Canada writes: OMG you gave up your UK drivers licence, known and respected the world round, for an Italian one? My partner who immigrated from the UK is still loathe to give it up for an Ontario one, and so doesn't drive here yet.
  12. slapdash dapoint from trawna, Canada writes: still sounds a lot easier than getting someone in the billing office at the 407 to admit they screwed up and delete a charge on your plate
  13. travel bug from Calgary, Canada writes: Bureaucracy is a way of life there, and the bureaucrats pride themselves on blocking rather than helping applicants. I lived in Rome for a year, and was really glad to leave! Back to Canada -wonderful, organised Canada! (by Italy's standard anyways) for example my Italian BF couldn't believe he got his SIN in 10 minutes here in Canada, he was amazed.

    Ed Op above- you need an Italian driver's license when you are a resident of Italy, tourists don't require them. Actually i heard there that the polizia prefer your original driver's license rather than the international licence, and if you offer the international they will ask to see the original. As an aside I left my driver's license with security when I entered a large complex (I was a ESL teacher) and the guard said it was the nicest driver's license he had ever seen, with the Rockies in the background.
  14. Broad Vacant from St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada writes: Bob the Builder - (A) There are many Italian war heroes (300,000 dead in WW2 and 1.2 million in WWI); (B) and even if there weren't, what the hell has that got to do with driving licenses?
  15. Jim S from vancouver, Canada writes: I loved this story!

    Three years ago on our honeymoon in Italy we rented a car for 3 weeks and drove across Northern Italy. It made for some hillarious memories.

    It would seem from Mr. Reguly's article (and our experience) that the "rules" in Italy are simply suggestions. In our case those rules were the ones limiting driving in historic parts of most cities to tour buses and official vehicles. We drove our tiny rental into places seemingly not wide enough for bicycles....only to find cars parked there blocking the way.

    One piece of advice: no matter what you do in a moving vehicle, always park legally. I think the parking enforcement officials help the pendulum of justice swing the other way.
  16. Rollo Tomasi from Belgium writes:

    Italy has laws, who needs rules?
  17. James Eaton from Nepean, Canada writes: Rollo - at least in the UK and Canada, it's entirely legal to have two driver's licences - as long as you separately did the training for both of them. I know several people in this position - if you drive regularly in Europe, it reduces questions if you use a UK licence. People with diplomatic or consular status regularly have two driver's licences as well - home country and local. By the way, the UK licence is good to age 70 - no annual or triennial renewal until then. One friend got his in 1988, expiry 2035! The answer to Eric Reguly's problem is simple - he should have gotten his Canadian 'national licence' - International Driving Permit - before leaving Canada, and then swapped that for an Italian licence - no 'provincial licence' sneering then.... eh what?
  18. H C from Toronto, Canada writes: The ironic thing for me is how simple it was to obtain a (third world) Brazilian driver's licence based on the fact that I already had a Canadian license -- which I got to keep, of course. The only test was a rather thorough visual aptitude test, and in about three days they mailed me a one-year probationary license. One year later, accident-free, they sent me a permanent license. As to traffic, Sao Paulo is as demanding as anything European, with over 10 million people in an area smaller than Toronto, and yet, horns are seldom used, drivers are smartly generous and fast, and -- yes -- illegal parking or infractions are duly penalized. I never paid a bribe to get anything done. Another spin on the Third World, you might say.
  19. Alistair McLaughlin from Canada writes: Everyone who favours Big Government solutions should read this article. In fact, they should have it pinned to the wall where they can see it every day. Anyone wonder how the gun registry ended up costing a billion plus while registering about half the guns in the country?
  20. Rollo Tomasi from Belgium writes: James Eaton from Nepean, Canada writes: Rollo - at least in the UK and Canada, it's entirely legal to have two driver's licences - as long as you separately did the training for both of them.
    -----------------------

    Thank you. I have held two--trained separately--but I presumed it was illegal because it was soooooo convenient. I recommend two if you can get them.
  21. Brian - from United Kingdom writes: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there is no circumstance in which you are obliged to swap your UK license for an Italian one:

    "According to Article 1(2) of Directive 91/439/EEC, the license must be recognised in the host Member State. Therefore, you are no longer obliged to exchange it if your normal residence is henceforth in a Member State other than that which issued your driving licence."

    This covers changes in residency, medical requirements (slight adjustments are possible) the lot. This directive goes back to 1998, with adjustments in 2002, and an agreement on a common issuing format in 2006 - that takes effect in 2013. The decision to switch community license is a voluntary one.

    That being said, I have an Irish license (hard earned) and I live in the UK. Despite it being illegal to do so, I am often refused insurance quotes due to the country of issue. You can quote the directive and demand a quote, but you don't want to know what the number is.

    If it makes you feel any better, getting an Irish license from scratch is a similar nightmare. The waiting time for a test is roughly 36 weeks and the pass rate is 40 per cent. You can also swap your Italian license for a UK one in about four working days.

    Ah the joys of European living.
  22. Jacques Shellac from Montreal, Canada writes: I blame Stephen Harper.
  23. Kristian Klima from Ottawa, Canada writes: Funny to read a Canadian complaining - the mere fact that a licence from Alberta must be exchanged when the holder moves to Ontario is fairly ridiculous....

    Ontario has no exhchange agreement with Italy - it does with the UK, France, Switzerland, Germany, Austria, Japan and South Korea (USA too), on the grounds that those countries have same or similar highway code as Ontario. The fact that Britons drive on the other side of the road and Asians add a few other crucial differences is apparently marginal.

    Tha reality is that highway codes and licence issuing legislations accross the European Union (EU) are harmonized; to a much higher degree than the rules in the individual Canadian provinces are; and there is no such a thing as national driving licence. There's an EU driving licence issued by a particular member state. All licences are created equal.

    As an EU national I can move to the UK, settle in, pay taxes but I don't have to exchange my licence issued by my country's authorities until 70 years of age. I can get a car insurance and the insurer must treat my licence as a domestic one. I can get a British International Driving Permit. How do I know? Personal experience. Every EU national can exchange their licence for a British one if they choose do so.

    Anyway, the point is that if a Briton can have their licence exchanged in Ontario, there's no reason why a Swede or a Fin or Spaniard should not be able to do the same. It seems that the Ontario legislation is rather outdated and/or has nothing to do with actual similarities of the highway codes.

    But I do admit that with Italy one must consider "culture of driving" related issues :-)

    BTW, it is NOT illegal to have multiple driving licences, as it is not illegal to have multiple passports. Should I need an Ontario licence, I'd have to pass the G2 test, but I would still keep my "national" licence as an Ontario Transportation Ministry staff confirmed.
  24. Derick McLaughlin from London ON, Canada writes: Anamatapoetic LICENCE
    Mama mia:pauvre Erique
    I wonder if Alphonso Gagliano, fmr. Ministre of [Federal level] & guiseppi Guite, PUBLIC WORKS sponsor scandales mega$billion (ottawaisiees) CANADAE , understood these quaint usd$ 'licensing' procedures italianesque. [aka graft & corruption] au pal (eH?) de justesse cour provencal Montreal (PQ)

    Auditor General Sheila Fraser / Gomery [CANADA] might.
    Keep your fingers et al crossed. Drive very sober. esp off median & on the "information" highway, in case of artificial robotic intelligence.

    Vive l'Europe 'libre' aux Urals.
  25. Orest Zarowsky from Toronto, Canada writes: And so many locals whine and moan about the bureaucracy here. You ain't seen nothin', dudes and dudettes. As Eric Reguly's article demonstrates. Count your blessings and quit your whining. And, "bad" as the local variety may be, it is not necessary, or expected, that palms be "greased" here. As opposed to other parts of the world.
  26. joe kelly from Canada writes: Brilliant!

    Love the eye exam bit. Reminds me of Yossarian seeing everything "twice" in Catch-22. Eric, just remember whenever you're asked for directions to respond "Sempre di'ritto."
  27. red marabunta from Barbados writes: When I passed my BC test early 70s I had to hand over my UK licence. Has the law changed?
  28. bosko loncarevic from Canada writes: Equally funny and more elaborate description of one Canadian's experience with Italian bureaucracy is Don McPherson's book "Ah, Tuscany". In 290 pages, McPherson describes his four years struggle to purchase a condominium. Judging by McPherson's experience, Mr. Reguly will have enough material for a weekly column for the length of his stay in Italy.
  29. Peter Hofmann from Calgary, Canada writes: Much more fun is coming to Canda where you cannot exchange your British license nor from another country. Must go through the drivers test / exam before you get your AB license
  30. Luke R from Canada writes: i lived in europe for a bit. if you think Canada has a bureucracy you haven't seen anything. Canada is VERY efficient compared to a lot of other countries. and i don't mean third world countries but other developed countries.

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