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Okay, move over, Liam.
Like Karen Black I'm taking control of this jet, so be prepared to be frightened. Although not as frightened as you might be if you had to watch some of the movies I've seen advertised here – not the ones in competition, but the thousands seeking financing or distribution, which you'll see only if you happen to spend a lot of time in motels or on budget airlines.
These movies invariably have lurid posters bursting with guns, fireballs or zombies – all three and it's the holy trinity. Desert of Blood, Alive or Dead, Alphabet Killer, Fall Down Dead … they're all sensitive, coming-of-age dramas set in the Belgian countryside. Or not.
So far, my favourite poster accompanies a movie called The Baby Doll Night. It features a silk nightie – yes, a baby doll – hanging off a tank, and asks this question: “Can one night of pleasure mend sixty years of pain?”
Sometimes these budget flicks are beyond comprehension.
I saw an advertisement for The Red Awn, and, after staring at it for a while I spent a happy couple of hours trying to decide if it was a typo, and if so what was actually intended.
Red Hawn – the story of Goldie's days as a Siberian double agent?
Red Prawn – a mutant shrimp returns to wreak vengeance on the chef who boiled him alive?
It's more fun than Boggle.
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